tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post5413716108249291487..comments2024-01-21T20:42:29.223-06:00Comments on The Extraordinary Ordinary: If you don't mind me askingHeather of the EOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14607422301391841377noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-82290021664570721542008-10-28T18:17:00.000-05:002008-10-28T18:17:00.000-05:00Great Question!I could have left many of the posts...Great Question!<BR/>I could have left many of the posts above. <BR/>A little history:<BR/>I was a great mother to my son after he was born. Attentive, on board, played with him, answered questions, very patient, etc. <BR/>15 months later I got pregnant and miscarried. I was blown away I didn't even consider that as a possibility. Don't know why. <BR/>I became depressed, over the next 4years I continued downward until I was so far at the bottom that I'm amazed I made it out. Only 7 months after I had my miscarriage though I got preganat again. My daughter is a little less than 3 years younger than my son. Obviously, with serious depression, I was no super Mom to either one of them. My husband was amazing! Without his support I would no longer be here and that's really scary. If I had been in his shoes I probably would have taken the kids and left. <BR/>Even through all of that I still did some really great and amazing things with my kids. I can see that more clearly now than I could then.<BR/>For the last 2 going on 3 years I have been 300% better than I was, but I still have my great days and my not so great days. <BR/>Some of my struggles have changed as my children have gotten older. For me, from the time a baby can crawl until 3 years old is really hard for me! My youngest is almost seven, that helps!<BR/>I am great at teaching my kids about things. Of course I'd rather turn something into a lesson than just play and be silly. <BR/>I try to teach my kids to go beyond tolerance to celebration of differences in others. (And yet I still hold grudges about things I really should let go.)<BR/>My husband and I are really on the same page as far as discipline. We are pretty strict and have really high expectations. But our kids will never question if we love them or not. <BR/>Sometimes I get really frustrated and yell, other days my patience are amazing. <BR/>My kids are always in car seats, it's a really big thing for me. My son is 9 and still in a booster and will be until he is 4'9" tall. OK since he's turned 9 we are a bit less strict about it, but we're still pretty strict about it. <BR/>Here's a BIG one. I was a stay at home Mom for 8 years. For 4 of those years my daughter went to daycare 3 days a week. Both of my kids still go 3 days a week in the summer. <BR/>I get my nails done every two weeks. ( I may not shower every day though.) <BR/>I now have a really part time job that probably costs me more to go to that I get paid. But it make me incredibly happy. <BR/>I have read a story to my son almost every night since I was 5 1/2 weeks pregant with him. My daughter got her stories while we read to our son until she was born then they both have gotten stories seperately. At bed time we each take a kid and read to them in their beds, we snuggle with them afterward and often fall asleep with them. Doesn't it ever get in the way? Yep! <BR/>OK ladies after all this rambling, I'm sure there are some things that you think are great and others where you may think I am nuts. But good comes with bad, mistakes happen and overall I'm doing OK. I am very far from perfect. You know what we are all good parents in our own ways. We're always going to feel guilty about something; because I work, becasue I don't work, because I fed my kids a not so healthy dinner, becasue I don't let them have enough treats, because because because. I think each one of you who has shared is brave, and just becasue you can say I do this well and I don't do this so well, you're kid/kids are lucky!k4toghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11601538704725733359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-35743504298649982612008-10-14T14:34:00.000-05:002008-10-14T14:34:00.000-05:00I could have written Jillene's comment verbatim. ...I could have written Jillene's comment verbatim. The positive, but especially the negative.Courtneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09507014000129322933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-44103616254085226012008-10-10T18:58:00.000-05:002008-10-10T18:58:00.000-05:00I am so grateful you posted this. And equally grat...I am so grateful you posted this. And equally grateful for everyone's participation.<BR/><BR/>What I do well as a mother?<BR/>I put my family first time and again. I go months without a hair trim, or clothes that are in fashion. I put them first. I can easily choose a new pair of shoes for my ds than myself. Or even his stickers to my underwear. <BR/>I read to them and do arts and crafts. I TRY to build their confidence well.<BR/><BR/>What I stink at is losing my temper easily, or being impatient. I raise my voice way more than I prefer. We also watch too much tv, and I find I don't always enjoy playing with my kids. I lose interest in Hotwheels and actually admit that to my 4yo. :( And of course, my two boys see way too much of momma on the computer. (but we can relax, since they're asleep now:)Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13828182765416909622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-51525769190936363562008-10-10T16:59:00.000-05:002008-10-10T16:59:00.000-05:00I feel like I have the opposite problem from a lot...I feel like I have the opposite problem from a lot of people commenting. I feel like a great mom because I have found an amazing balance in my life. I know how to keep my house (minus the bathrooms) clean, my family fed, my son happy, and myself physically and spiritually refreshed. I am really good at making every moment count. I am efficient with housework and I know how to luxuriate in playtime. Everything in my life has a place and once they are prioritized correctly, there is room for all of them.<BR/><BR/>My greatest weakness as a mother is never thinking that I (or any other mother) is enough. There are, of course, things I struggle with. But they are far outweighed by the good things. And I don't need to dwell on them, because that's my weakness. Being overwhelmed, guilty, and self-deprecating are not states of being but states of mind. Choosing not to indulge myself in those paradigms, that's what I'm working on.Carolynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14336897934963856543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-14653404483571137872008-10-10T16:45:00.000-05:002008-10-10T16:45:00.000-05:00First, let me say this: Bloglines was not picking ...First, let me say this: Bloglines was not picking you up for the last few days, a fact I just discovered in shock and horror. HORROR, I tell you. So I apologize for my less-than-timely response.<BR/><BR/>But since you asked, here you go.<BR/><BR/>What I do well? I'm an energetic, happy, laid-back Mom. I don't lose my temper. I'm always looking for new ways to have fun with my kids. I generally have a good attitude about life, and I try to instill that value in them.<BR/><BR/>What I do poorly? I have a hard time just being present. I'm always multi-tasking, if not in real life, at least in my head. I'm also very guilty of putting my kids off (Just one more minute honey) when I'm working on something. I feel horrible when I realize my child has been patiently waiting at my elbow for an hour for me to finish my project.Kelly @ Love Wellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18037513409301217473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-42452044259217740922008-10-10T12:57:00.000-05:002008-10-10T12:57:00.000-05:00Good questions, though my answers might not be so ...Good questions, though my answers might not be so good :(<BR/><BR/>What I think I do well: I provide a safe environment for my kids. Babywearing, cloth diapers, no nasty chemicals, good food to eat, etc.<BR/><BR/>What I KNOW I fail at: I'm another member of the 'no patience club'. And I tend to let my kids play on their own most of the time instead of using those teachable moments.Staceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08084065752889482895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-25558349777064754742008-10-10T12:20:00.000-05:002008-10-10T12:20:00.000-05:00great questions.1. engaging her and entertaining h...great questions.<BR/>1. engaging her and entertaining her. we have so much fun all the time. <BR/>2. letting her dad be her dad. i have a hard time letting go to trust he can do as good as me, though he does every day. im not sure this exactly fits into the category but i think part of being a good mom is letting other people parent her too, especially her dad. i totally fail at this.latishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11285804652911523455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-80982204305150324502008-10-10T11:53:00.000-05:002008-10-10T11:53:00.000-05:00I am good at playing with them, listening to them,...I am good at playing with them, listening to them, reading to them and involving them in everyday activities (cooking, cleaning, etc.).<BR/>I am not so great at getting off the computer, stopping reading or knitting or sewing though. This is my great downfall. I need to set my time limits and stick to it, so I can do MORE of the above.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-31480904028976194652008-10-10T10:50:00.000-05:002008-10-10T10:50:00.000-05:00Wow .... those are questions that I don't want to ...Wow .... those are questions that I don't want to hear the answers to. But in hearing what I think about my parenting maybe it will help me try to improve myself. <BR/><BR/>1. I think that I provide my children with a safe and loving home. With truth and guidance. Support and encouragement. <BR/><BR/>2. I feel that I sometimes don't pick my battles as I know I should. The other day I got upset because we were running late and my son has to go to the bathroom. Funny enough he does this quite often. This is frustrating to me and I know that he can't control something like that and for me to get upset about it seems trival now. So what if I was late for work. I feel that I yell too much and we don't ever have a nice family dinner at the table together.As I amhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08374961530539891754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-47283943380420254082008-10-10T10:40:00.000-05:002008-10-10T10:40:00.000-05:00I have a few things I'm prett proud of, for the fi...I have a few things I'm prett proud of, for the first question. I'm pretty proud of my patience. I've worked really hard on it, having lived in a high stress environment in NY to come to the south and learn to not be so uptight anymore, and so much more patient. A lot of people compliment me on it. I often get told by my husband how he wished he were as patient as me, and knew as much as I did about parenting to not 'blow up' as he does sometimes. Because I'm patient, I'm able to multitask things for the kids - do homework, cook, while doing dishes and laundry simultaneously kind of thing. Might not be any special talent, but I work really hard for my kids. I'm also really good at knowing my kids. I know when they're telling the truth or faking it. I know what they want before they ask. I can almost read their mind (sometimes, not all the time lol). But I just know them SO well. <BR/><BR/>With that said, I suck at time. I need more hours in the day or to be able to multitask more time into the day or something. I have six kids and just need more time to be able spend good quality time with them AND do housework AND other things with them, AND blog/write, AND run errands AND practices, etc. Even with my husband sometimes we're strung out, especially with an almost 2 week old, we're struggling, hard. And i know, he's only almost 2 weeks old. And I know in the beginning is hard. But I really want the find enough time to do it all, to go to bed at night feeling like I did everything I wanted to do, and not have to put it off 'til tomorrow' in hopes I'll suddenly have time then to do it.Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parentinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06066995811409390360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-46327840194220630712008-10-10T10:37:00.000-05:002008-10-10T10:37:00.000-05:00I have loved reading these comments. For a start, ...I have loved reading these comments. For a start, it makes me realise that I'm not the only mom who yells, who finds it hard to be present to her kids, who sucks at keeping her house neat and tidy, who says "I'll be there in one minutes" and then it's 10, who feels mommy guilt, whose kids watch too much tv etc etc. Also it makes me realise how different we all are. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and that is just how it is. I'm not the same as that mommy down the road, or that one outside the school gate, or my sister-in-law, I'm just me.<BR/><BR/>As for my own answers, on #1, I'm good at being patient (mostly), and I really love answering those questions that lots of moms hate "why? why? why?" the whole time from a curious preschooler. It doesn't drive me crazy at all - I love those conversations. On #2, I'm really with those moms who say "I'll be with you in a minute" and then it's 10 (or 15 or 20). And I find it hard to be consistently on the case with an issue - reward charts on the refrigerator door are really not my thing - I just can't be bothered enough to keep track of the details like that.Iota https://www.blogger.com/profile/08507184283437057648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-67486383223124336022008-10-09T09:19:00.000-05:002008-10-09T09:19:00.000-05:00I am a good listener and very affectionate and lov...I am a good listener and very affectionate and love to make my children laugh.<BR/><BR/>I yell more than I want to admit.Carlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11719690725927033979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-8835352325741066712008-10-08T19:14:00.000-05:002008-10-08T19:14:00.000-05:00Let's see... I think I answered these before, too...Let's see... I think I answered these before, too, but here's the updated version.<BR/><BR/>I'm good at explaining things. I like my kids to know all the whys and hows.<BR/><BR/>I'm not great at rejuvenating. If I'm frustrated with the kids, I feel like I should be trying harder, which leads to more frustration. It's a vicious cycle. I need to understand my limits, and when I hit them, I need to give myself a time out.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18270661693698065581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-23519985607711872612008-10-08T18:21:00.000-05:002008-10-08T18:21:00.000-05:00I think one of the things I've tried to do the bes...I think one of the things I've tried to do the best for my children is to instill the love of learning and reading. They know that I love them but at times I am not very patient with them. I expect high standards in ALL they do. That is just one of my downfalls as a mother.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-46485508102036828642008-10-08T14:23:00.000-05:002008-10-08T14:23:00.000-05:00It's too soon to know.It's too soon to know....sensible of shoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05945381560464618661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-83784839852786296942008-10-08T09:02:00.001-05:002008-10-08T09:02:00.001-05:00I completely win at honesty with my kids. I try ne...I completely win at honesty with my kids. I try never ever ever to lie to them about anything. That's proven to be very difficult with kids. Even make believe things that most parents play along with, we make sure the kids understand that it is make believe and that it is fun to play along and that's okay, but we want them to always know the truth. I see so many parents just giving the easy answer to children about things even when it's not the most truthful answer. Sometimes it takes a little time to explain it, but I never lie to my kids. <BR/><BR/>I'm not doing so well with keeping them on a good schedule. I can't seem to get myself together and the kids suffer for it. I'm really struggling with organization and timing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13166875964870812562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-11853805895742972822008-10-08T09:02:00.000-05:002008-10-08T09:02:00.000-05:001) I think I'm doing well with keeping my girls on...1) I think I'm doing well with keeping my girls on a schedule. They can be flexible (and so can I), but they are learning that there is an appropriate time for various activities, and that they are part of a family unit, and that we work together, not pander to their every desire.<BR/><BR/>2) My babes are still young, but I'm working very hard at teaching them about God EVERY DAY. I'm working to be a living lesson to them, in addition to actual structured teachings. Sometimes I worry that I'm laying a strong foundation!Muthering Heightshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06660310558298459636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-78928615132146844132008-10-08T08:10:00.000-05:002008-10-08T08:10:00.000-05:001. I don't think I'd win Mother of the Year in an...1. I don't think I'd win Mother of the Year in any category, but my strengths are helping my kids grow emotionally--helping them understand and express their feelings in productive ways for them and for family/community health. I feed my kids really well and help them learn healthy eating habits without, I think, being overly uptight or controlling about it. My children have good manners for their age and I teach them to respect others.<BR/><BR/>2. My most difficult challenge is a short temper which is worse, the less sleep I get and the more physical pain I am in, and both of those are difficult to manage with small children in tow. I sometimes think that all the work I do to help my kids have stable emotional lives is over and against the work I do to destabalize them when I lose my temper. I I also try to cut myself slack about this and think about how much this issue has improved for me over years of working hard on it.LilySeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08812905445813679050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-63576338724555823902008-10-08T01:04:00.000-05:002008-10-08T01:04:00.000-05:00I had the hardest time with #1. I guess I'm a litt...I had the hardest time with #1. I guess I'm a little too hard on myself. I wouldn't win mommy of the year for this, but I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job at being in tune with my kids. When a new behaviour arises, or a sleep issue, or any other kind of change, I can usually figure out the cause of it pretty quick. It seems to be pretty important for being able to guide and discipline my kids... <BR/>And for number 2: I have the hardest time being present with my kids. Even when I'm playing with them, I find my mind drifting off to what I need to do next, or worries I have. I really wish I could just BE with them.<BR/>Good questions. I'm eager to hear what they are for!Peanuthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02218726745585062413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-14461947981892671092008-10-08T00:54:00.000-05:002008-10-08T00:54:00.000-05:00Something I'm doing well---hmmm, hard one--- I pro...Something I'm doing well---hmmm, hard one--- I provide a stable, peaceful home for my kids in the sense that I keep order in the house and I'm not a drama-queen yeller of a mother. My daughter once told me that she loves coming home because it's always peaceful in our house, not chaotic and/or drama prone like her friends'. It's her refuge from the big, bad world. I'm kinda proud of that.<BR/><BR/>I'm very bad at being my kids' friend. I even tell them I'm your Mom not your best friend. Sometimes when they make mistakes they just need someone to understand instead of lecture and ask "what lesson have you learned?" I often tell them that my job is to teach them how to navigate life,not to tell them what they want to hear. But sometimes a Mom who is a sympathetic friend is all they need, and I'm bad at that. trying to be better but presently bad.Little GrumpyAngelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14065581455480762162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-26996583882760727952008-10-08T00:51:00.000-05:002008-10-08T00:51:00.000-05:00I'm really good at not losing my temper. I don't ...I'm really good at not losing my temper. I don't yell. I don't get irritated. I'm either really patient, or I just don't mind. My kids know I really like them, really like spending time with them. And I do.<BR/><BR/>I'm really bad at getting us to where we need to be on time, with all appropriate supplies, and dressed like middle-class people. I forget appointments. I make meals and school arrivals happen, but with great struggling effort, and often then uncombed, or with me running back home to get the forgotten lunch. At least once a month I completely forget some doctor appointment, some playdate, some important errand.Johnnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773075683946846125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-81073328892157991222008-10-07T23:03:00.000-05:002008-10-07T23:03:00.000-05:00Heather, I am working on figuring out the justjohn...Heather, I am working on figuring out the justjohnna comment thing. No doubt it is something I did wrong in an attempt to do something right. Story of my life . . .Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12660156433881882098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-78365596242094161472008-10-07T21:45:00.000-05:002008-10-07T21:45:00.000-05:00Well, I have a toddler and a baby so at this stage...Well, I have a toddler and a baby so at this stage in the motherhood experience I feel I do a really good job keeping a watchful eye on my kids (as far as safety issues go and trying to do everything by the book with naps, nutrition, providing a stable environment and sense of consistency with schedule, etc). I also try to spend quality time with each child and am big on affection, praise, kisses and hugs.<BR/>On the down side...I have had to have the t.v. on more than I thought I would because of breastfeeding and during times when the baby is just too fussy to handle both children at once. My toddler will sit and watch a whole program without moving so when things get overwhelming I am quick to rely on Elmo or Dora.<BR/>I also grew up in a house full of yellers and, sadly, I tend to raise my voice more than I should. Oh-and I get stressed really easily.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08962749594580850992noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-78447273878380869832008-10-07T20:23:00.000-05:002008-10-07T20:23:00.000-05:00If I could win mother of the year I'm sure it woul...If I could win mother of the year I'm sure it would be for focusing on taking her places, keeping her in all types of activities and never having an empty weekend. I love to take her to parties, museums, movies, shopping. Lot of mommy daughter time.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, I have little patience for misbehavior. I often feel like I yell to quickly and feel like I hurt her feelings often with my harsh tone. I have spanked her a few times and don't know why I let it get that far.<BR/><BR/>She claims that I am the best mom in the world but I just hope she remembers all the many many good days and that they make the bad days fuzzy.Keyonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04875993010376385468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462728671028708590.post-15811219738827088682008-10-07T19:26:00.000-05:002008-10-07T19:26:00.000-05:00I've been thinking about this all day since I read...I've been thinking about this all day since I read your post this morning. Still not sure if I do anything well, but I gotta pat myself on the back somehow.<BR/><BR/>Anyway...what I think I do well is allowing my children to be themselves. If that means that they do their own hair in Kindergarten, okay. I'll pick my battles. I try to say Yes, especially if my reason for wanting to say no is only because it will inconvenience me. i try to be there for them. If they have a question or want to learn something, I try to drop everything and give an answer.<BR/><BR/>The thing I don't do well? Lots. But the one I really want to work on the most is my impatience and tendency to raise my voice (Clean your room!) when I would accomplish a lot more if I would just stay calm and patient. :)Lara Neveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08351324888724799014noreply@blogger.com