8/14/08

A Confession With NO Explanation

So I have a confession to make. It's really kind of silly. Ready?

My kids have never had an actual babysitter (like a teen) for more than one hour, where I ran to get groceries or something and rushed back.

(I am now refraining from going on and on explaining why. There are reasons. Really, really good reasons. Like how I'm a bit of a control freak and borderline neurotic. But I'm trying not to be an approval seeker so I'm not going to explain. Except for to say that Asher has been quite a difficult baby, but I didn't just say that. Because I don't need to explain. Because I love Asher very much and don't want to sound negative about HIM. Not that I care if you thought I was being negative...And I'm not explaining because it doesn't matter what people think. Unless you're a control freak, trying to pretend to be really easy-going. I'm not going to explain, because I have really made progress in not caring what people think and I'm so confident in my mothering choices so I don't need to explain.)

Um, so anyway. I have a babysitter coming today. In about an hour and a half. And I'm just so cool with that. It'll be great. I'm so chill about it, like the kids say. I just need to go now so I can write up all the detailed instructions for each child...in out-line form...with bullet points. I need to find a highlighter and lay out diapers and make lunches so she doesn't have to, and clean-up the house so she thinks I'm really put-together. Not that I care what she thinks, but it's always nice to come in to a clean house...

Yeah, so I have to go cause I have to do a lot of stuff to prepare. Like shower. I need to shower. Since she's coming an hour earlier than I actually need her to so I can go over all the instructions. Because God forbid, what if she forgot to turn on the fan in the bedroom at nap-time? MY KIDS NEED WHITE NOISE TO SLEEP!!! Or, what if someone poops and she doesn't smell it and they get a rash!? (Oh wait. There is NO WAY you could not smell that...)

What am I doing still sitting here at the computer? I must not be too worried about getting prepared? Maybe I'm more at ease about this than I thought? I haven't even started the instructions yet.

Okay, so actually I'm just avoiding thinking about the reason I have a sitter. I'm going to a funeral. So I guess I'm focused on my not explaining my neurosis so I don't have to think about how sad this funeral is going to be. I'm being avoidant. But don't think I'm a total psychological mess. I promise I'm not, I mean at least I am aware of my issues and knowing is half the battle right? Not that I care what you think.

11 clicked right here to comment:

Kelly @ Love Well said...

Prayers for you this morning.

And for your babysitter. :-)

Becky said...

Hey! I'm a a control freak, trying to pretend to be really easy-going. Do you think people will know I'm a fraud? :) Good luck and I hope the babysitting work out.

Becky said...

Uh... I meant I hope the babysitting works out, not work out. Drat. Is my control freakishness showing?

Eowyn said...

Prayers for you. I'm sorry you have to break your streak a little.

JustRandi said...

As the mom of 3 teenage girls, I thank you for writing down what you want to happen. I also thank you for understanding completely when most of it doesn't happen exactly as you instructed.

My girls get really stressed when they can't do everything on the list, or they don't understand something. I tell them it's most important for the kids to be safe and happy. Everything else is a bonus.

Heidi said...

And your babysitter will LOVE you for all the instructions. I mean, who wouldn't love a control freak employer?

Don't worry, I used to feel anxiety leaving my kids too. Now I'm like, "You know how to call 9-1-1? You sound qualified to me! Come babysit my kids!" Not really, but almost.

Kimberly said...

We have so much in common.

I have a sitter coming. For the whole weekend while we're away. A good friend, not a teeny-bopper, but still.

And I had an incapacitating headache all day and barely got anything done. She's going to know what a mess my house always is. Ouch. My poor wounded pride.

Of course, I could stop reading blogs now and go finish the dishes...

Abra said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you funerals are never fun...

I hope your babysitter turned out well even though you really should get one for like, a movie or something a more little more fun next time ;)

MoziEsmé said...

Sorry about the funeral.

Though you had me smiling throughout this post! Glad you're aware of your issues! I think I'm blissfully ignorant of mine - and I've never had a babysitter yet - other than while I'm in the house with the baby but needing to get some work done uninterrupted.

Kristen said...

I hope that despite the reason, you enjoyed the freedom of having a sitter. It's a beautiful thing.

MidnightCafe said...

Heather...sssshhhhh...don't tell anybody, but we still haven't had a sitter other than the big sister & the grandparents. ....but I didn't say that, and I won't explain WHY we haven't, either. ;)

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