8/26/08

My Husband the Geriatric

For three or four years now, Ryan has been receiving lots and lots of retirement information in the mail. We don't know how it happened, but he got on a list somewhere. So AARP is his new best friend.

Which brings me to yesterday when there was a knock on the door. (during nap-time of course, making the dog bark cause that's just perfect, just as nice as during dinner.) I answered and a nice looking young man in a suit asked if he had woken any babies. I said, "I don't know yet." But then I tried to smile and be nice because I could tell he was feeling pretty sheepish. So I stood on the stoop, becoming self conscious about the yard with long enough grass to be a marsh, and the sea of plastic toys around the sidewalk where the nicely dressed smiling man was standing. Then I thought about what I was wearing and breathed a sigh of relief, remembering that I had actually taken off my pajamas even though I hadn't left the house yet.

I was so busy thinking about all that, even though there's no reason to care what this guy thinks, that I didn't really pay attention to his sales pitch. I caught bits and pieces, "funds...business card on a stick...savings...65 and older...retirement..." And then he asked specifically for Ryan. At first I didn't stop to think about all that mail, mistaking my husband for for a retiree. I didn't stop this man to say, "OH! You think an older Ryan lives here than actually lives here, nope sorry, move along now." Instead, I just smiled while he talked about having a Ryan on his list and, "does he live here?" So I said, "Yes, he's my husband."

Oh, you should have seen the look that flashed across his pretty face as he pictured me next to a 67 year old husband. And then the look after that where he caught himself right before letting his mouth drop open. I am still laughing over it! Once again, I felt a bit sorry for Mr. Nice Guy and quickly laughed and explained that Ryan is my husband, but he happens to be more like my age, we don't know how he got on the Retirement Guy list and all that. Then the look on his face changed to a bit of relief, freed of the awkward silence from a few moments before.

We laughed together a moment and he moved on to our neighbors, one of which is actually retired. I say "moved on," but I mean more like trudged through the tall grass while tripping over trikes and balls and things. Poor guy.

15 clicked right here to comment:

Amy said...

Ohhhh....that's good. You should have gone along with it!

JustRandi said...

That's too funny. It reminds me of a time when we were much younger - my husband answered the door, and a salesman asked him if his mother was home. He just said "nope" and closed the door.

joolee said...

I especially love the bits about the tall grass and all the toys in the yard. I wish you were my neighbor......then we could wouldn't have to deal with the whole grass is greener (and shorter, and more visible under the toys) syndrome. I think I triple dog dare you to take a photo to go along with this post.

charrette said...

That is hilarious! I LOVE IT when little errors turn into life-size comedies!

Brillig said...

HAHAHA! That's hilarious! Hahaha. You should have just let him stay awkward... That'll teach him. One of these days, he might run into the very scenario that he thought he'd run into with you!

So funny!

Jessica said...

too funny! love the new look!

Kimberly said...

Too funny! Must have been tempting to say something blase like, "Yeah...I totally married him for his money." or something. Bwahahahah!

Peanut said...

That's really funny! I don't usually get knocks on my (condo) door during naptime, but guaranteed I'll get at least one sales call, usually more. I've taken to hiding the phone while we are all napping (if I turned it off, I'd forget to turn it back on!) I'm a mother bear when it comes to naptime... just ask my husband!!

Abra said...

That's hilarious! It must be really fun to be you! I love your blogs :)

Eowyn said...

That's hilarious! I want you to be my neighbor so I won't be quite so humiliated by my tall grass. (We have a neighbor who is practically religious about his lawn and it makes the rest of us look bad, even on weeks when we mow.)

The Three 22nds said...

Have you ever had this experience?:

Someone comes to visit, and as you answer the door you notice that they are gingerly holding something. Maybe it is one of your fine pieces of silverware; maybe it is super hero underwear. After you greet them, they say, "I found this on your sidewalk, it does belong inside, doesn't it?"

What to say, what to say...

GrumpyAngel said...

LOL funny! You must be a nice person because you were totally nice to the sales guy and rescued him from his awkward moment.

Kristen said...

I think you oughta move forward with all the solicitations. I mean, can't he save like a buck on the movies? And get a cheaper buffet at Souplantion? Work it!!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

This story made me HOWL.

I think it's so good of you to marry an older man like that. And you in the prime of your youth....

MoziEsmé said...

That's hilarious!

I was so bummed when a Ross clerk asked me if I was eligible for the senior discount (I just turned 35 yesterday). I am so looking forward to retirement and lounging and golfing and playing bingo all day, but I was rather hoping to still pass as a spring chick when I get there.

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