9/15/08

Just Call Me Columbo

You know those movies (Lifetime) or TV shows (soap operas) where someone is faking that they can't walk? They're pretending to be in need of others and getting lots of attention for it? Usually for money or something. And then you cut to the next scene, and they're waiting for someone to leave the room. And after the person is gone, they slink right out of their wheelchair, over to the tray of crystal dishes and grab a quick brandy? Just as you suspected!

Yes, I've seen enough of these shows to know when something's fishy! Like the possibilty of this baby pretending to only be able to crawl, when he can actually WALK!


Yesterday I rounded the corner to the kitchen, surprising Asher with my arrival, and lo and behold, what did I see?

He was standing there holding on to... NOTHING!

Uh huh. He was independent of assistance, appearing as comfortable as a three-year-old on his feet! He might as well have been popping open a Bud, that's how at ease he seemed to me. Until he saw me. I had caught him red-handed (or footed), so he jumped a little. Then he quickly grabbed a hold of the fridge with his left hand and dropped to the floor, touching his right hand to the ground as if he was nervous he might fall or something. Whatever. He can totally walk.

He probably speaks four languages too. And yet he pretends he can only say "mama and daddy and bye and hi."

I bet every time we leave the room, he just runs all around, spry and strong. Then when he hears us coming he flops down on all fours, pretending to be a crawler. I can't believe it's taken me this long to catch on!

You see, watching Days of Our Lives religiously (or sacrilegiously) as a teen has it's positives. Because of that, I now know a scheme when I see one.

Dr. Marlena Evans would totally catch on to this too. She's has taught me so much. Now I just have to figure out what he could be trying to gain? Money? No, we don't pay for walking around here. Attention? He already has pretty much all of that. Hmmm, I'm soon to solve this case...

(favorite Dr. Marlena line ever by the way - "what kind of diabolical scheme are you trying to perpetrate upon me you wicked woman?!" - use it with friends.)

17 clicked right here to comment:

Adam and Kristina said...

Marlena is still around? Is she still married to John? Remember when she was possessed? OK, I know that all these things are from 12 years ago, but I figure they've happened again.

Heather of the EO said...

Ha! I promise I don't still watch this!
BUT, I have seen ads, and yes she's still on the show. Amazing...

K and/or K said...

I STILL USE THAT LINE!!!! I AM DYING LAUGHING!! THAT WAS TOTALLY FROM WHEN WE WERE ROOMIES!

Kimberly said...

Okay, that is beyond hilarious!!

And I'm so going to use that line!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Oh, my goodness! What a little stinker. And I used to watch Days during my college years, although I totally felt the need to stop once Marlena's eyes began glowing. What was UP with that???

Melanie J said...

Yep, gotta admit I checked out after the demon possession. The corny special effects were unbearable.

vjvnxrgr: angry vinegar

PsychMamma said...

Hilarious! He's probably investing in the stock market online after everyone else is in bed too. That little smarty!

I love the line and plan to use it as soon as possible. ;-)

radioactive girl said...

You are killing me with laughter! I watch As the World Turns. Or really I fast forward through the whole thing and watch about 5 minutes total and make everyone wonder why I still tivo it. That line is perfect! I'll have to see if I can think of my favorite line from my show.

Oh yeah, and I also had a sneaky kid that pretended not to be able to do things. Too funny!

Abra said...

Kids are sneaky. They totally sucker us everytime... like that "Stupid Idiot game?" You know, the one where they drop the toy, you pick it up, they drop it, and before you know it, you've picked it up a dozen times. All the while they're laughing it up...
"oh yeah" they're thinking, "Let;s see how many times we can get this stupid idiot to pick up this toy... ready watch this, I'm going to drop it again... yup there it goes, and she's going for it!
Look! She's still talking to my mom... doesn't even realize she's doing it... this is FAN-TAS-TIC!"

Great game.

Sabrina said...

I just used that line on kelly after she almost sabotaged my non-existant love life!!!!!!!!

Minnesota Matron said...

Actually, he's probably already penning that calculus textbook.

Peanut said...

Kids are so sneaky! Congrats on your discovery.
It has been awhile since I've watched Days... but I was good and hooked for a long time, especially during the Eric Brady years!

Eowyn said...

I'm totally using that line! It's the best!

I'm glad you've finally happened upon his secret!

LazyCrazyMama said...

Hilarious!! Sneaky little monkey!!

Becky said...

When I was in college, my roommate and I drove an hour to meet Bryan Datillo (Lucas). I have (or at least had at one point) an autographed picture. I know, I know, I'm totally cool.

I'm hoping our girl will take her nice, sweet time learning to walk. They get into so much more trouble when they're bipedal.

MoziEsmé said...

How cute. I totally believe he is one of those spy kids disguised as a baby in your house.

charrette said...

HOW did I miss this post?!

Totally gave me the giggles. The sneaky child hiding his superhuman skills from the grown-ups, tearing around at night, speaking multiple languages...he probably posts on your blog while you're not looking!

And that line from Marlena? Priceless! I'm going to start using that.

And this is for Melanie J--
vbvthd: the sound your car makes when it's too cold to start in the morning.

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