10/1/08

Mercy Cakes

I hit the pillow last night with a whole lot of shame and frustration. I don't know what it is about Tuesdays. When Ryan is out of town for work, Tuesdays just totally stink. I think it has something to do with it being only the second solo parenting day and feeling like it's more like the fifth.

Then I'm hard on myself. I can't figure out how I could be so impatient and crabby, barking at my boys every thirty seconds. When it's only Tuesday. Long story short, I didn't handle things very well. I was just one big ball of uptight tension and negativity.

So I woke up (still exhausted and much too early) this morning and I looked up and thought something toward God,

"I can't do this alone. I stink at alone."

Not even the slightest moment passed and I was flooded with a fullness of knowing,

"You're never alone, kiddo."

"Oh yeah. I forgot."

It seems so obvious, but sometimes it's just not. I forget. I stay stuck in negative thoughts and rely too much on me. I wear myself out.

I can't really comprehend exactly how there is this strikingly new and refreshing feeling each morning. If I allow the feeling anyway. If I look for it. If I simply ask for it. Mercy for an exhausted mom, right there for the taking. I'm so glad He reminded me.

I got up, told my boys I love them like mad and that we were going to have a better day today. And then I made pancakes.

30 clicked right here to comment:

JustRandi said...

Why is that? The fact that we're so hard on ourselves, I mean.
I'm so glad you remembered you're not alone. That always always helps.

LisAway said...

Love this. Funny how you always know somewhere in your head that He's always there, but when you get busy and frustrated and things get out of control, you forget to look to the side and realize He's there, ready to help.

Isn't it great to feel that He cares about little Heather because she's too frustrated/grumpy/overworked. I think it's amazing, especially when you get a real glimpse of it like you did this morning. Mercy is right!

Muthering Heights said...

Great job...all you CAN do is lean on God and try for a better day. You have exactly the right idea! :)

MidnightCafe said...

Wow, Heather. You made pancakes on a Bible study day?! You should be proud! (Oh, and I love the title "Mercy Cakes." It's always amazing to me the way the little, regular, every day things speak of mercy, of grace, of peace and joy. It's hardly ever anything really big. ((Hugs)) I'll see you soon!

Jillene said...

I have a tendency to be a negative nelly--a lot! I always have to remind myself of all the blessings that I have and how things could be A LOT worse! You're not alone in this!

radioactive girl said...

Sometimes it is so hard to stop and remember that it will be ok. What a great reminder!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Ouch! The stab of conviction. This is me going Pffftttt! And then I guess I'd better say thank you, too.

Kristina P. said...

I tend to be a bit grumpy when Adam is out of town. Can you come over and make me pancakes?

Peanut said...

I think we all struggle through days like this. I often peek in on my sleeping kids at night and tears fill my eyes thinking about how much I love and adore them, but didn't communicate it well during the day.
I tip my hat to you moms who either do it alone or have your husbands work out if town for periods of time. I take off to my dad's home if I'm going to be on my own for more than overnight!
My husband often reminds me that my kids need to see my negative emotions and my failures too... these are normal feelings in life and they need to see that and see what to do with them.

Becky said...

Oh, how I can relate! Sometimes I wonder if He looks down at me and thinks, "Here we go again. Maybe today is the day she'll remember that I love her and that I'm here to help."

It's rough having those solo parent days. Good luck to you!

Kimberly said...

Brilliant insight, Heather. It's so simple seeming...gives us one of those hand smacking the forehead moments every time we forget and then remember again.

If we could figure things out the first time round we'd have a much shorter lifespan!

Thanks for the reminder today!

Melanie J said...

My husband has to do more solo parenting than I do and he handles it with a great deal more grace. But it sounds like a good lesson in remembering God's blessings.

*MARY* said...

I know that God is no respecter of persons but... He calls you kiddo? Not fair.

Sara @ Butterville said...

Oh sweet sister! I feel this pain.
I have started posting scripture all around the house. It's not enough for me to remember...I NEED to be smacked in the face with His grace. P.S I love pancakes!

The Three 22nds said...

You know how sometimes you have to get smacked in the head with this reminder? Well, I have been feeling completely overwelmed. And then I got my book and went to my first women's Bible study this morning. And it is a Beth Moore study, "Living Beyond Yourself" - all about the fruits of the Spirit and how we can't do it on our own. So I was convicted. And then I came home and read your post...and it hit home again.

Thanks! I hope it goes better. I will let you know how this study is! I think it is going to be good...

Jessica said...

I love this. I think every mom ends the day with guilt. How awesome that we can receive Grace at that moment . . . and in the morning we can start again! I love your ending- pancakes!

happygeek said...

NEw every morning and they never fail.
Thank heavens for Mercies.
Manna for the soul.

So are pancakes.

Abra said...

I love this thought: Tomorrow is another day with out any mistakes in it.
I think Anne in Anne of Green Gables says this or something like it...
Anyways, I love it because it's true.

Kristen said...

Oh, I know the feeling. Except I manage to feel that way even on days when Mark comes home at 5 . . . yikes. Need some pancakes over here.

Carrie Thompson said...

I enjoyed your post and glad to konw I am not the only one who has cooked up some "mercy cakes!" I enjoyed some of the comments too and plan to start fresh in the morning with my kiddoes and have a new day,,, and maybe some mercy cakes!

Rachel said...

"His mercies are new every morning."

I love that verse and I love how God continues to reveal the truth of his promise in my life and others like you. Hope the rest of your day was better.

Mommy Madness said...

It's a hard load to carry when our hubbies are away. Hang in there! The prize is worth it!!!!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I've found pancakes and God's mercy and a good night's sleep often make everything better.

And not necessarily in that order.

Kazzy said...

Good work being so sensitive to the whisperings that we sometimes ignore. My favorite quote about mercy is from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice. "The quality of mercy is not strained. It falleth as the gentle rain from heaven on the place beneath. It is twice blest; it blesses him that gives and him that takes." Chin up, friend!

Eowyn said...

I'm glad you got that moment to remember. Why is it so hard for us to remember that He is always with us?

Here's hoping that you have more good days than bad remembering.

charrette said...

I have days like that far too often. (And my hubby's not even out of town!) :)

Your morning message is a tender mercy. Great that you were in tune to receive it.

Somewhere between motherguilt and accepting grace and starting fresh is the very essence of the gospel at work in our lives.

Marivic_Little GrumpyAngel said...

Heather, thanks for this post. I appreciate it more than you know. My husband works nights Monday to Friday, so sometimes I feel like I'm a single Mom after school hours. It's pretty challenging with teen-agers. But I know I have had "help". My kids are fine. And I am fine. We are so blessed that we know we can always call on Him. But there are still days like you described. I guess, it's normal.

Debbie said...

Ah, that second wind. It does help, doesn't it? And isn't it great to feel that support from God?

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I want pancakes.

And you're so right. We are not alone and you know what, we are not SUPPOSED to do this alone yet we insist on it. Self destructing as it may be. Great reminder... you know how my week has been! : )

Steph

Baby Tunnel Exodus said...

This post really spoke to me; it is so easy to bark at the children, lose patience, and feel over whelmed. I'm convinced it's why God gives our children to us small and cute. :o) But I do love the reminders He gives us that all we have to do is ask. He's so good! Blessings, Whitney

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