Time keeps on slippin'

Thursday~ April 9, 2009

I've always had a problem with time. Either it goes too fast, or it goes too slow. I'm either looking at the clock in shock that it's "already" later in the day than it feels, or irritated that the number displayed seems frozen. In time.

And keeping time? Forget about it. In music or a daily schedule, I'm slow to learn.

Now I'm experiencing the absolute Twilight Zone of time warps...the growing up of children.

Yeah, TIME.

Miles is nearing four. He's clear evidence to me that what I suspected is true. Time can be both slow and fast at once. He's a boy and a baby at the same time, confusing the both of us.

The love I feel for him knows no bounds, and like every mother, I'll always consider him my baby.

Time.

It happens so quickly, the ticking of the clock that brings about the passing years.

He runs off shouting "I can do it myself!" He doesn't look back, he just motors. He strikes up conversations and finds the strength to make new friends. When I ask how it went he says nothing, keeping his moments and memories to himself.

It seems like time is going too fast. I want him to need me more than he does at times.

Time.

It goes so slowly, he's just a baby in that bigger body, begging to fend off the changes. He's fighting to keep the innocence, the dependence, the connection.

He's mad all day at everything, every moment, especially at me. We're both fussing and fighting, shouting and stomping over sharing and bathroom breaks, TV time and being kind.

It seems like time is going way too slow.

I finally come to the floor, look him in the big blue eyes and say "what's wrong?" And he falls to his knees just in time to hit my lap. His forehead wrinkles and his nose crinkles and the sobs begin, "I'm just so tired," he wails. He needs his Mom, just like from the start. So I hold him and whisper all the things he needs to hear until the crying stops and the peace comes.

And I've never been more certain that I have a problem with time.

I don't want it to keep moving so fast, even when it seems like it's going too slow.

Miles
time even changes the point of his head


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