Asher had a very long doctor's appointment today. We saw his regular pediatrician and talked at length about what to bring up at his appointment with his neurosurgeon in a couple of weeks.
We also talked about his eyesight and made an appointment for him to see a pediatric eye doctor in a couple of weeks. There's concern that he's having some vision issues due to the alignment of his eyes, and because he regularly mistakes one object for another. (And because hydrocephalus can cause some issues with eyesight.)
I for one think that Asher would be adorable in glasses...
After the appointment we headed home and while the boys napped, Ryan and I packed and got ready for he and the boys to take a trip up north together. Without me.
(Cue dramatic music.)
They woke up and my three boys piled in the van. I saw them off and then stood in the middle of the street crying like a baby.
(Cue even more dramatic music.)
When Ryan came up with the idea to go visit his Aunt with the boys and "give me a break," I hemmed and hawed and chewed my nails and bit my lip. He looked at me and shook his head, trying not to smile. "Yeah, I know," I said. "I can't help it. I can't decide if this is a good idea."
Then I brought it up on Twitter by saying that I was debating this opportunity for a break, and my wise and lovely friend Kelly came back with, "You must really need a break then."
Smarty pants. Yes, if I'm debating whether or not I can trust someone else-my husband- for a mere couple of days and have a breather...well yes, this means I really do need it. You know, to work on that healthy balance thing by actually experiencing it, spending a little time with just me.
Oh HI you, wanna hang out?
And yet there's still part of me that at this very moment is driving down the freeway in the opposite direction of where I actually am. And that my friends, is uncomfortable.
Ah, motherhood. You and your constant clashing opposite emotions. You exhaust me.
So tonight I think I'll go to bed early with a good book and wake up whenever I feel like it. Then tomorrow I'll actually finish some projects while I miss my boys. I'll spend the day waffling between fending off thoughts of terrible things happening while my boys are not on my watch, and being happy and relieved to have a break. I'll be grinning while I watch television and go to the bathroom all by myself and then I'll get all teary as I wonder what I'm missing with my family.
Yes, all the exhausting opposites. All the time.
This is why a mother never actually rests completely, even if she's resting.
And I would have it no other way.