8/26/09

Opposites Attract

Wednesday~August 26th, 2009

Asher had a very long doctor's appointment today. We saw his regular pediatrician and talked at length about what to bring up at his appointment with his neurosurgeon in a couple of weeks.

We also talked about his eyesight and made an appointment for him to see a pediatric eye doctor in a couple of weeks. There's concern that he's having some vision issues due to the alignment of his eyes, and because he regularly mistakes one object for another. (And because hydrocephalus can cause some issues with eyesight.)

I for one think that Asher would be adorable in glasses...







After the appointment we headed home and while the boys napped, Ryan and I packed and got ready for he and the boys to take a trip up north together. Without me.

(Cue dramatic music.)

They woke up and my three boys piled in the van. I saw them off and then stood in the middle of the street crying like a baby.

(Cue even more dramatic music.)


When Ryan came up with the idea to go visit his Aunt with the boys and "give me a break," I hemmed and hawed and chewed my nails and bit my lip. He looked at me and shook his head, trying not to smile. "Yeah, I know," I said. "I can't help it. I can't decide if this is a good idea."

Then I brought it up on Twitter by saying that I was debating this opportunity for a break, and my wise and lovely friend Kelly came back with, "You must really need a break then."

Smarty pants. Yes, if I'm debating whether or not I can trust someone else-my husband- for a mere couple of days and have a breather...well yes, this means I really do need it. You know, to work on that healthy balance thing by actually experiencing it, spending a little time with just me.

Oh HI you, wanna hang out?

And yet there's still part of me that at this very moment is driving down the freeway in the opposite direction of where I actually am. And that my friends, is uncomfortable.

Ah, motherhood. You and your constant clashing opposite emotions. You exhaust me.

So tonight I think I'll go to bed early with a good book and wake up whenever I feel like it. Then tomorrow I'll actually finish some projects while I miss my boys. I'll spend the day waffling between fending off thoughts of terrible things happening while my boys are not on my watch, and being happy and relieved to have a break. I'll be grinning while I watch television and go to the bathroom all by myself and then I'll get all teary as I wonder what I'm missing with my family.

Yes, all the exhausting opposites. All the time.

This is why a mother never actually rests completely, even if she's resting.

And I would have it no other way.

42 clicked right here to comment:

Susan B. at warmchocmilk said...

That sounds amazing! I've never had more than 3 hours like that in my whole entire time (5.5 years) of being a mother! I can't even really imagine it, but I can imagine all I would do. I agree though. I feel the same way when I get an hour trip to target all by myself.

AMomTwoBoys said...

Oh, we have the vision appointments DOWN in this family, so if you ever have any questions, feel free to ask me! And if he does need glasses, I've got recommendations!

Zach and Asher can be equally adorable Jonathan Lipnicki look alikes...

(http://twitpic.com/eadea)

Enjoy your time alone.

xoxo

Heather of the EO said...

OH my...I checked out the link from AMomTwoBoys...

seriously. Her Zach is the cutest little Jonathan Lipnicki look-alike on the planet!!!

C @ Kid Things said...

I could definitely use a break. But like you, I know that it wouldn't really be a break. Vicious cycle the whole thing is.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I totally get this. It's why I can be so smart alecky about you taking a break. Because even though I'm half jealous, because I never get breaks like that, I'm also half relieved, because I'm not sure how I'd cope with a break like that.

I predict you'll have a great time AND you'll be ecstatic to have your boys home again. Sounds like a win-win, ultimately.

My Bottle's Up! said...

"do you know that my neighbor has three rabbits?!?!"

asher will be precious with glasses... or without. cuz he just is.

xoxo.

Jo@Mylestones said...

I didn't think Asher could get cuter--until I saw him in some fake word glasses. Yep, he's a keeper.
Enjoy your break with all your heart, even if most of your heart is with your fam. You can do it. And it's gonna be great.

blueviolet said...

I was always excited for those little breaks when hubby would take the kids shopping, etc. by himself but within 15 minutes, I missed them.

Deb said...

ah, i understand now. bath time was replaced by the pat sajak analysis. i'll be interested to see how much you actually get accomplished while they are away. i always have such big plans, but usually end up lying on the couch, eating ice cream, in some sort of weird, lonely stupor.

Deb said...

ps: that baby looks neglected. while you were taking pictures of yourself in those FREE jeans, someone typed a bunch of words on his face.

Carolynn said...

Do stuff you can't do when they're there, eat ice cream for breakfast, hang out in the blogosphere all night, sleep in, rent chickflicks, have ice cream for breakfast and paint your toenails. Soak up the silence; set the bucket down.

The to do list will still be there. God help us mothers, it will always be there, lol. Praying you rest and have fun!

Blessings,
Carolynn

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

Dude. I am SO JEALOUS of the break time. You better live it UP, girl. I'll be very disappointed in you if you do something like clean house. VERY.

Asher in glasses = BIG FAT PRECIOUS. In a manly way, of course.

Jen said...

He would be so cute in glasses. I hope that you have a wonderful break, I am so jealous.

Megan @ Hold it Up to the Light said...

First....I'm seriously jealous. Second....could Asher be more adorable. Third....Amen to the Amen, I know it's gonna be hard, but, you better enjoy yourself friend!

Sande said...

One lesson I took a lot long to learn

.... and if I didn't, I would have burnt out in my silly pride of believing that I was the only one able to nurture and sow into my children's lives. ...

Oh hang on.

I DID.

happygeek said...

Now I am feeling guilty that I don't feel guilty when I get 24 hours without the kids.
Isn't motherhood guilt grand?
Enjoy your break!!!!

Cynthia said...

We're so fickle as women! It's that constant push and pull. I've been so excited for all my kids to go to school and now that my baby starts 1st Grade tomorrow and I've hit the 'Holy grail' of Motherhood- all my kids in school full time. And tomorrow I'll be the one crying in the street as my hubs drives off with the kids to drop the at school.

MoJo said...

I still feel that way everytime they leave my watch. Even when they are in school. I wish it would get easier already--I mean, it is super easy, you'll love it even when they are 11 and 9!


Praying for your little man. Could he BE any cuter?

J

MoJo said...

I still feel that way everytime they leave my watch. Even when they are in school. I wish it would get easier already--I mean, it is super easy, you'll love it even when they are 11 and 9!


Praying for your little man. Could he BE any cuter?

J

mandiegirl said...

Too cute! and RELAX! ;)

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Sign me up! I wouldn't mind a day or two to myself although I say that now when I don't have a minute to myself in sight.

Blessed said...

Now I'm fantasizing... a break like that would be awesome (and I would be really, really, really ready for everyone to come home at the end of it.) Right now I think a break is shutting the door when I go to the bathroom :)

Kazzy said...

Asher+glasses=stylin' little man!

Hey, I so look forward to the annual Fathers and Sons camp out. It's ok to like the break and miss them at the same time.

Aunt LoLo said...

*sigh* I hear ya, Mama. I'm contemplating a longish vacation once Siu Jeun no longer requires my presence for his daily nourishment...and I'm already getting all panicky about it. It's next spring! LOL

minnesotamom said...

True DAT! Enjoy your time, but not too much... ;)

Chele said...

Oh wow! Alone time. But we are never alone, God is always there with you. So have a great time with just you and Him and don't worry so much! Hugs!:)

jay said...

Yep, I agree - you really do need a break!

I remember the feeling of being out on my own when the boys were very young. It was as if I was someone else pretending to be me, and at the same time I felt weightless, as if I might float away. Very strange.

Now they've both left home, I have a genuine feeling of a job well done - and I never ever thought I'd get there at the time.

charrette said...

I had this exact experience once when I friend came to take my kids so I could have a break. I got all weepy when they pulled away. I definitely needed the break. But at the same time I think I wanted to be off having fun WITH them. I felt sort of abandoned. But I missed them and got all my projects done at the same time, and the kids came home to a happier mom. It was a wise person who said, Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I love Asher in his little glasses you made him!

Manic Mother said...

Oh you lucky, lucky woman!

Janet said...

Oh, you are just like me!!! Enjoy your time, I know it will be hard, but find a friend to hang with, watch a chick flick, do a project, and find yourself!

Janet said...

Oh, you are just like me!!! Enjoy your time, I know it will be hard, but find a friend to hang with, watch a chick flick, do a project, and find yourself!

DeNae said...

You know, this never really ends. My oldest is 22, youngest nearly 14. And stil, when I leave town for even a couple of days, I go through this "fuss" where I worry that the 'kids' won't be able to function without me.

I even went through all sorts of mental acrobatics when my son left on his mission. And I'm STILL doing it now that he's off to college.

Sigh.

mama-face said...

As usual, you hit the nail on the head. As my little (big) ones are moving out on their own, I realize how much I miss the noise. Other times though, I revel in the quiet. You need breaks to be refreshed and ready to tackle all that is on your plate; which is a lot and at times just too much.

I LOVE the glasses. He's such a cutie patootie.

Tooj said...

I thought taking the 4 year old on a trip with me would be relieving....b/c the bad baby would be at home with Dad. WELL...all I did was spend time worrying about said bad baby, setting up a doctor's appointment, ensuring he received prescriptions and doses....calling while at Disney World. GOOD GRIEF what an exhausting "relief" period. Enjoy your time, especially if those boys are healthy. I wish I could have. Do it for me.

JustRandi said...

You're so right! Motherhood is a of emotions - - all day every day.

And Asher looks darling with glasses!

Heather@WoolandFlax said...

Aww...I agree, he is going to be so cute with little glasses!

Enjoy your break!

Corinne said...

He would be adorable in glasses :)

I'm so envious of your break! Enjoy it! I'm thinking of suggesting that the hubby take the kids to the IL's for the day on Saturday... by himself... we shall see!

MommyJ said...

never resting... while resting.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Peanut said...

I get it. Totally.

I've realized that it's ok to feel that feeling of missing my kids. It means I'm getting enough breaks from them.

Have a good rest :)

Eowyn said...

I'm actually going to Philadelphia in October--just me and my mom--and I'm really wondering just how I'm going to handle it. It's been years since I last went on my own.

Again, well said!

Debbie said...

First, how did I miss three posts? I'm thinking they didn't drop into my reader until today or something. I always try to get to you on a daily basis.
Second, I so know this feeling. And it doesn't end! I'm struggling with whether these college people are really able to take care of my kids. What if they get sick? What if they get the swine flu? What if I go more insane?

L.T. Elliot said...

I hope your rest was everything you needed it to be and that your reunion was even better. *hugs*

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