This is getting ridiculous.
I screamed today. At myself. Hands up in the air, flailing about and then down to my face to cover it because I was SO FRUSTRATED WITH MY FREAKING BRAIN. I was saying "NOOOOO....NOOOOO you DID NOT!" All by myself with no one around, just me yelling at me.
Last week Asher's pediatrician looked at me and told me I have Attention Deficit Disorder.
He's not even my doctor, but he can tell. THAT'S not embarrassing AT ALL.
I said, "Yeah, I know."
He said, "Do you get help for it?"
I said, "Um...no."
He said that it might be a good idea, and to try to not be ashamed, and then I almost cried. Then I was all, "yeeeaaaah, you're right, I should," but my mind had already wandered. So it was too late, how would I remember to get help later if I had already moved on to thinking about pretty flowers or dinner or the way his foot was tapping?
So this will come as no surprise, but I forgot about the preschool picnic. Then I forgot about orientation. Then today, I forgot about Asher's eye appointment. Even though it was all on the calendar.
You know, the calendar I forget to look at.
Oh...and this is the clincher. The appointment we missed today? TWO reminder calls yesterday!!! Yes! They called me TWO times and I was all "yeah, yeah, yeah...we'll be there."
My best friend said, "You never used to be like this," and I was all, "I KNOW!" Then I said, "Maybe it's just Mommy Brain, but wait....no...it's been there my whole life, I just could manage it before because there weren't as many distractions!!!" Uh huh, I had a light bulb moment! (All too frequent in my busy brain.)
So now I'm that mom...you know the one. The one who is always late, forgets play dates, forgets to pay for stuff, forgets to return calls, has piles of paper EVERYWHERE, and does absolutely everything sporadically. The one who seems to not care about anything when really, she does care but she just can't manage anything. Yeah...that's me. Great.
Just so you know. I care about you. I just can't find my keys. Or my phone. Or my way around the house.
The other day, when Asher's doctor was talking to me about my brain he said, "You know...the very most creative people have minds like yours. You have to look at it that way."
Which is fine. That's nice and everything. But while I'm being all creative, who in the world is going to show up to stuff on my behalf?
Just wondering. Cause that's pretty much all I do. I wonder.