Friday~October 16th, 2006
I continue to miss things about every place I've lived. Not the cities or towns so much as the walls that surrounded me through stages of life. I've moved many times, and I've always felt a bit sad leading up to the final day. I get attached to places.
Even though my apartments and shared houses were many, I can remember standing in the doorway of each and every one, looking over the empty spaces on those last days and whispering my goodbyes with a lump in my throat.
So when we put our house on the market yesterday, suddenly all the excitement faded, reality hit, and I started to grieve the spaces. My neighbors. The tree in the front yard that was planted right after Miles was born in his honor. Even the dilapidated shed out back suddenly seemed beautiful to me.
We've been cleaning up and packing up and shining up the whole lovely place for days now.
Then Miles had a four-year-old breakdown that broke my heart in half. The meltdown he had included words like I don't want to leave this house and Maybe if I keep my room messy, no one else will want it
I want to reassure him, tell him all his worries are silly...but I can't because that's not true. Saying goodbye is hard.
A home is like a person, in the sense of comfort and friendship and familiarity. A haven.
We love it here and we love it where we'd like to go. Which means that if we sell, we'll be excited and sad at the same time. After all, we have much to look forward to, and much to leave behind.
So we're hopeful and prepared to grieve at the same time.
Life is tricky and exciting and scary, always. And we never really know what we're doing. I wish I could tell my sweet boy I'm certain about every move we make, big and small, but I can't.
I suppose that's why I cried when I read this, another amazing post by Billy Coffey.
If you haven't been reading Billy's blog, What I Learned Today, this would be a great day to start. He has just recently been signed with a publishing company, with his first novel due out before Christmas 2010! So head on over to his new site to congratulate him and read about his journey to becoming an author. Billy's posts are always thought-provoking and inspiring. He's got an amazing gift. I wish I had more words to describe it.
Have a good weekend!