less about me
but more about me
blogging can be confusing.
The ego
bad selfish
The healing
good selfish
The blogging
both
if I'm not careful.
For now I think I'm doing alright.
I'm not sitting here thinking that people who read my blog are dying to know what I'm doing
how I am
their world revolving around my every word.
I'm not.
I just love to write
and my journey into recovery is the
inevitable story I have to tell
now.
But not the only story.
Sometimes my stories are just about
fur and feet...
I've been looking closely at these little feet,
They are Asher's feet
and they are long with many lines
just like mine.
And then down here,
that's Tia in the sun.
She drives me crazy
but I still love her
and she photographs well,
And as I look over that picture I remember
how Tia is largely the reason I quit drinking that night
but that's yet another story about addiction and sobriety
for another day.
I guess I'm just really glad she's here
because of that story
with all her shedding hair and begging.
See? Usually all of my stories
come back to recovery.
But not all of them,
Sometimes they're just about a snow blower on a roof.
Because that's just funny
and living in Minnesota is sometimes
really weird.
Another story is the one about
how Ryan and I got to go away for the day on
Valentine's Day
thanks to my parents
and we went out for Mexican
and there was so much alcohol around
but it didn't bother me in the way
I tried to predict.
Predicting is silly.
And look at how I did it again...
back to sobriety I go
with a husband that tells me
he's proud and I'm OK and we'll get through this
and then takes me to The Blind Side
even if I'm the only one who really wants to see it
and then listens to me talk about taking people in
all the way home.
He's so good.
The End.
56 clicked right here to comment:
do I even want to know ho you all got that snowblower up on the roof? Also, your snowblower makes my snowblower look like a child's toy.
xo
Blind Side - awesome movie.
Kids feet - too cute to stand BUT be aware, I had pictures of Ben's feet on my blog and had tons of hits due to searches for "Kids Feet" So I took down the pics. Just a warning.
Glad you're doing well friend! You are so strong.
Know what I love about this? Everything.
I wish I had a snow blower on my roof right now.
With you as I my witness, I swear I will never live anywhere I might need a snowblower on the roof.
Zowwweeeee!
Stay warm while enjoying those sweet little toes. :-)
Heather - fork lift
(also, not our snowblower/snow blower-borrowed)
Becky- ACK. PUKE. That makes me angry. See? Look at me, identifying my feelings. Yup, anger it is! UGH
We haven't needed a snowblower in about 3 weeks. Good thing the Olympics aren't here this year because it's been like spring!
I have a thing for little feet... those tiny and adorable toes are no exception!
Wonderful post, Heather.
Reality is our best friend - we're all in recovery all the time from something, even legalism. We're all swimming in the same lake. Warm welcomes, inviting each other. :)
I just found you via Billy Coffey. What an amazing story, and I love the way you write! I'm following for sure!
And I find it so humorous that you live in Minnesota. I live within 5 miles of Minnesota, and spent 2 college years in Rochester.
Looking forward to reading more of your post.
Take care!
-Marty
I am always amazed at how the world looks once my eyes are no longer polluted with me...and I thank you for the reminder that I need to stop and look :)
Hugs today, Heather.
Bina
The snow blower on the roof cracked me up! So very odd.
Sweet baby feet are always precious.
And the best non-alcoholic drink for Mexican food is a Mtn. Dew. ;)
Good job Heather!
You should be proud of yourself!
I'm proud of you!
I like your stories. Keep 'em coming.
You know what's really weird? I have a snow blower on my roof right now TOO!!
That is sooooo weird!!!
P.S.
This is the first time I've heard music on your blog right???
Or was I just hearing things?
I usually don't like music on blogs. But I liked it here.
It works.
Dear Lee,
You big liar.
I keep forgetting about the music. It's on a recent post, was supposed to only play while that post was up, but thank you for liking it :)
those are some pretty stinkin cute feet.
awesomeness this post is!!!! thats my rendition of yoda...LOVED how it started out so honest so true then moved into the heart of the matter... cute feeties and snow blowers on roofs lol
Hi Heather! I've been thinking about you a lot and am so pleased to be able to venture into your life, if but for a snippet here or there. Lent begins tomorrow and that will be my "test". I hope I can do it without the tears, the fears and substitute vices.
Love you!
If I this were on Facebook, I'd wish there was a LOVE button to push. :) I love all the pictures. I love the snowblower on the roof. I love that you love to write and you just do it... the catharsis of it all.
But most of all I love you for who you are... every bit of you, because every bit of you is part of your story.
I have been so busy lately, I haven't been able to visit...I've missed it!
your snow blower on the roof reminds me why I am SO HAPPY to now live in the south!!! I don't miss all that snow! :)
All the stories are perfect.
Very well put together. I love the lines on the dog's fur.
The snow blower on the roof reminds me of '79 when I twisted the "here's the church" hand-play:
(Placing your fingers on the Outside of your clasped hands you do it a bit differently)
Here's the Church
Here's the Steeple
Open the doors...
where are all the people???
There on the roof shoveling off the snow!!!
(Then wiggle those fingers on the outside of your hands to demonstrate).
Thanks for sharing,
It's always good to get an update, to hear your stories, friend.
Love to you from me.
xoxo
elizabeth
I come back here and read not for updates. I read because I love your perspective.
P.S. Love the new site design!!
I love the pure truth in this line: "it didn't bother me in the way I tried to predict."
How much time do we spend predicting only to see ourselves proved wrong once again?
Maybe we should just skip the time we spend predicting and use it on something more important like guilt or regret...
;)
Your Minnesota looks like my Iowa.
One of your commenters wondered how a person would get a snowblower on the roof. If your world looks all white-stacked like mine, this is how:
A person would just walk straight up the drift, right to the top of the house, because that's how high the snow is. For serious ....
I love baby feet...and dogs that lie in the sun and shed all over the place but still annoy you...mine is doing that now...
You make me smile when I visit this place. Maybe because your blog is just a mixed-up jumble of your life. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's serious, sometimes it's not. But it's always just a slice of life. And I like it. :)
Hey, we all have ego. We all have things that need healing. We are on your team. And the snow blower on the roof is oh-so cool!
Snow blower on the roof! I will have to suggest that to the local Wal-mart that was shut down cause of snow on the roof!
Stay strong!
I'm a little "puzzled" by the snow blower on the roof but I'm from the South so...
(did you like how I got something in there about puzzles again?) ;-)
Glad you had some time with your hubs...
Oh and also, those feet are CUTE!
It's totally okay for our lives to have that inevitable, central theme when we're deep in the hard trials. It is a consuming battle and each day won means another victory. Slowly, the struggle will lessen. For now, it's enough to just keep fighting, even if it becomes the theme. It's totally okay with us- we'll still see you as MORE than just this one thing. Never doubt that!
What a poetic journey blogging is, and the feet & toes! Love 'em.
Thanks for visiting my blog the other day. Hope you are well. I've heard so much good about The Blind Side...
My word verification today is "nogain", and it fits with your post in an almost eerie way. I love how you pour your heart out here. You do it for the same reason I do. Not for the ego. Not for pats on the head and sweet words (though those are so nice). You do it because it makes everything better, in sometimes definable, and sometimes completely indefinable ways.
It's completely ok with me if everything you write right now has to do with recovery (as if you needed my permission, right?). I write in themes, too. Sometimes I even get sick of my own themes...and I still keep coming back to them. It's human. It's part of the process. It gets you through to the other side.
...and I'm really jealous that you saw The Blind Side. Vespera saw it, and, understandably, it moved her in ways she hadn't "predicted." (See, now I'm stealing your themes.)
Going to a Mexican restaurant is on my list of frightening events right now. Mexican w/ no margarita's? I don't even know how I'll last beyond the chips and salsa without jumping out of my skin...
You're my hero for doing that :)
Oh those adorable toes! Love the pictures. So cute.
And seriously, a snow blower on the roof? With all the snow we get in New England I've never seen that.
Your words are beautiful, thank you.
your stories are good. I like them. :)
I wish I was in your living room, admiring the snow, chatting, petting the dog, noshing on Asher's feet (but not in a weird way-HA!).
Love you.
I love your stories - silly, serious and otherwise.
And you've never had Mexican food right unless you've been to Texas and had Tex-Mex. (Just saying.)
What I want to know is how you got the snowblower up there. And how are you going to get it back down?
And I love the rest of this, too. The randomness of it. I like that.
Beautiful stories - all of them, because they make up you.
But wait, the only thing beautiful about a snowblower on the roof is the fact that you have a roof to put a snowblower on. Other than that, a snowblower needing to be on a roof is just wrong. ;)
I grew up in Upper Michigan. The snow blower on the roof is awesome!!!
You really take fantastic pictures, so real and "there."
I'm glad for Tia, too - so you know :)
No matter the "largness" of the things, anything, going on in our life----LIFE still goes on and runs it's course.
I am interested in your progress
your struggles
especially since I have a son who struggles with the same thing and at this time has lost so much.
and yet, you need to grasp all the joy of the little things---while dealing with all the largness.
Your lovely blog was recommended at POM's Connect MEme Monday! I am your newest follower!
http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/
Snowblower on the roof? Love. It.
Your dog is very clean. Mine is jealous.
We do wonder what you are doing, and how you are doing, and we care. Keep giving us your stories. That what we are here for. To support you. No matter what. **HUGS**
So glad to hear you're persevering and thriving! I admire you and am proud of you, too (even if we are sorta strangers to each other!)!
You are in my thoughts.
Oh! And your pictures are to die for!
I so love your resolve, and the way your writing comes right out of your heart.
That snowblower awesome. I had to look at the picture again to see what was so unusual about it. In these parts, not so rare.
He is a good husband! And I am so happy you guys got to go out on Valentine's.
Maybe, just maybe, sobriety is opening the senses to include awareness of *all* of it. You're living a more intense, vividly colored version of your life now. Isn't it grand?
I cannot take enough pic of my kids feet. Seriously, something about how they look, how they feel, how they smell (well, maybe not), makes me melt.
I don't know how you do it, living in Minnesota. Although, it's been snowing here as IF it's Minnesota.
Blind Side - so surprised how much I loved that movie. Loved. Maybe it's because it was the only movie I've seen since 2008.
Beautiful words, as usual.
You sound very in touch with yourself. (your comment about your husband listening reminds of my husband so much).
xoxo
LOVED The Blind Side! And I really, really want to know why there was a snow blower on a roof. I'm so confused (says the girl from Hollywood). Won't it crash in the roof? And how do you get it up there? Intriguing!
Hi Heather,
I've been around less regularly lately, with teaching school and all it gets kind of hard to check in on everyone. I did see your recent posts though about addiction and sobriety, and I'm so proud of you.... for being brave about facing your challenge head on.... for sharing your story.... for being honest.... and funny.
Just wanted to let you know I'm still around and checking in every now and then. Now about that snow blower on the roof....? We don't see things like that here in the South.
:-) Roban
And this is a WONDERFUL story. Filled with feet, faith, and forgiveness. Joy, love, and kindness. The very definition of perfect.
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