7/2/10

Buffered


I had to shut the door, while they stood there crying and screaming for me, I said "Go get a hug from Daddy. I can't. I need a minute."

It has been so loud and so whiny all morning and I'm tired. They are fighting and fussing and then one of them is screaming and I need a buffer. The door is my buffer.

And now I feel trapped while my heart hurts.

It's quieter, but not in my head.

These boys of mine are so good. They are good to their core, not just in the way they act. I am beyond surprised at their temperaments, the way they sit perfectly still for haircuts and almost always respond positively to my directions. They are good sleepers, they don't fuss much over food, and they stop to ask permission if they aren't sure if what they're about to do is allowed.

They are conscientious and sensitive little souls, always asking each other or friends or family are you okay? when hurt.

Really. I am blown away by their goodness. I don't take credit for it, I simply appreciate it, admire it, and reflect on it often.

This is not a typical morning and it will pass. Maybe they didn't sleep well, or they're hungry or thirsty. Or maybe they need more of me, sitting right with them and really being there. Even in small doses, this always helps. I think I'll go cover those bases so we can start our day again.

I am their buffer, a woman who often needs her own, and we're going to be okay.

We can always start our day again.


~~~~~~

I hope your weekend is full of fun and sun and fireworks and parades and buffers and swimming and more fun. Don't forget the S'mores.

30 clicked right here to comment:

~Mendie~ said...

I wish the same for you and your adorable family, Heather. And thank you for letting your words ooze out, even when they hurt sometimes. I hope it helps a little.

Hugs friend-you are good. I'm sure of it.

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

oh. you have days like this too? I thought I was the only one...

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Sometimes when I get overwhelmed with whining or fussing from Maddy I force myself to stop and think and a majority of the time is seems that really all she needed was a little food and a lot of loves from Mommy.

Casey Freeland said...

Big awkward hug from the guy you've never met. haha
If you don't need a buffer on certain days, in certain hours, there may be something wrong with you. You are a good mom, H.

Casey

Christine said...

Sometimes it's just hard to be needed, even if we understand and appreciate the needing. I think that's part of what keeps us real. And no matter what, they need real too.

I'm having a difficult day connecting with my own boys. So I feel you my friend.

Cynthia said...

Nothing wrong with taking a moment to re-group before charging forward again. I've had to do that myself many times. And they ARE such wonderful little boys!

Hyacynth said...

Fueled by my boys' littleness, sometimes I feel like it's just the intensity of their neediness that pushes me to the edge where I need a buffer zone. My boys are good, too. {My older is challenging, but he has a beautiful, pliable heart.} Think I'm going to e-mail you the rest so I don't write a novel here.

sara said...

my buffer was always the bathroom door. I was blessed with really great kids, who are now amazing young adults, but there are days that everyone needs a buffer. Just put everyone back in bed and all get up at the same time and start over!!!

Happy 4th!

MommyJ said...

Can your boys channel their sitting still during a haircut skills to my boys? :)

I marvel at the goodness of my children often. Yesterday my six year old daughter took her three year old brother upstairs, gave him a bath, put him in pajamas and read him a story while I nursed the baby. I didn't ask, she just saw that I needed help, and helped. For her, I nearly wept with gratitude.

I hope you have a lovely weekend too!

Angie said...

I heart you.

That is all.

That is enough.

misssrobin said...

Are you doing anything for yourself on a regular basis? When I get this way it's usually because I gave so much away that I didn't have anything for me.

It's tough to find your own time when you have little kids, but it's worth it.

When you can't get away maybe you can find something that feeds your soul as well as theirs. Sounds like a trip out for ice cream to me.

I'd say this will pass, but that doesn't really help much right now. How about, you're not alone.

Aging Mommy said...

All children have their days and moments. We have had one of those weeks in our house and there are times when you really do have to put yourself in time out.

The wonderful thing with young children is their ability to forgive and forget and simply move on without a backward look. So when you are ready again for them they will not harbor ill feelings for that moment of sanity you needed all by yourself.

Children also have an amazing capacity to forgive themselves - say sorry and move on. Something we all can learn from, just forgive ourselves those non-perfect Mommy moments and forget them.

Allison @ Alli 'n Son said...

"We can always start our day again." I love this. I need to apply it to today. Actually, to this week.

amanda said...

It can be so hard to not feel bad. We are so lucky that there really are always second chances. Not alone, friend, not alone. (both comforting and descriptive of parenting)

Charlotte said...

My children do make me marvel. But I have the moments when they make me want to tear my hair and scream! Sometimes I totally need that buffer so I can go back to being their buffer. The key is realizing the importance of that moment of time (or sometimes longer) away to regroup.

Corinne said...

Mmmmm.... yes. I'm nodding my head and sending you hugs.
When it happens here I lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Honestly. Partly because I'm mad that I need that time, and partly because I'm overwhelmed. A lot...
But you're right. The kids are so good. And sometimes, like us, they can't help themselves.

happygeek said...

I need a buffer a lot of the time. (God has a sense of humour so he sent two strong-willed parents two VERY strong willed children) and it's OK. I have allowed myself that buffer in order to better love and serve them.

MommyNamedApril said...

this was my day today. it was rough, i'm glad to start over tomorrow.

Nicoolmama said...

You have beautifully written what I feel weekly. We are humans and can only give so much....thanks for wishing us all our own love and buffers...right back at you, Heather.

Lori said...

take credit-you are an amazing mommy! As always, thank you for your beautiful writings and have a wonderful, fun filled and safe fourth:)

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I'm in charge of Smore's at Beth's this weekend! :)

Steph

Denise said...

Mav,

You're so smart. To tell them that you just needed a minute. And you took it. With that, you give them permission to ask for what they need.

Mwah.
xxoo
Goose

rebecca @ altared spaces said...

I know this feeling. When I have to hole up and I think it's my kids and I get alone and realize maybe, just maybe...it's me...at least me too. Maybe we're all hungry, or tired. Maybe I am just tired of being the one who always has to feed us. Yes. I'm really tired of that. Please, please, someone feed me. And then someone does and it's better.

Can I just remind you of one thing, however? Even when you are in need of a buffer, you still remember how great your kids are. That is so stunning. I love that. I love that you don't go storming around throwing some kind of tantrum. It's really beautiful. It's great mommy work, the real mommy work. Because I've seen the tantrum, thrown the tantrum and, later, regretted and thought: that wasn't it. I want to be a real mommy.

Kudos to you.

Justine said...

"We can always start our day again." - Yes, that is what I say too.

Your boys sound amazing. I know you said you're not going to take credit for it, but their parents must be doing something right for them to turn out so incredible.

It's great that in your frustration, you chose to focus on the positive and you know that this is fleeting. And that the next day if often better.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend. With S'mores, of course!

Mrs4444 said...

We've all been there....

And yes, you can take credit! I'm happy for you and for those little budding men of yours.

Unknown Mami said...

We all need a buffer sometimes.

Hope you and your family are having a wonderful 4th!

moosh in indy. said...

I've found a well placed pillow (over your head not theirs) with some good cathartic screaming does wonders for my weary soul.

That and a good ugly cry.

And some sunshine.

wendy said...

We all have days that make us feel like we need a buffer. BUT, at least now you are using the door and not the wine eh.
Healthy buffers are good.......needed.......theraputic.
Then after we as moms have been "restored" a little, we can GIVE more to our children.

Holly said...

You're NOT alone. If it makes you feel any better, sometimes I walk AWAY from my son, close the door in front of him following and lock the door. Almost 13 is time to know WHEN to BACK OFF... *sigh* I'm afraid he may be too much like me... GAH! HELP!!

So for YOU and your SWEET little ones... BIG (((HUGS))) and I hope the weekend got better!! Just know you're not alone and it's better to use that buffer when it's needed... Only YOU know when that is. ;)

Kat said...

It's hard to be the mom! Even when we know how great our kids are. You're right, we can start over. And I don't think there's anything wrong with our kids knowing that sometimes, mom or dad need a minute.

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