Neither good nor bad in their entirety, but always both good and bad.
My life is here, in flesh and blood, poured out in cups of juice and sealed over with Snoopy band-aids. I am here in whispered prayers and meaningful conversation, many of my words are never put to paper or blog.
I am across the table from a friend of nearly twenty years, watching the way her long brown hair still falls around her face the same way it did when she was 19. We are using the same knife to spin cream through our coffee, and we are pouring out words and laughter that is left unblogged.
I am on the phone with my Aunt and then a friend and then another friend, and then off with my boys to meet my parents for dinner. I am wearing flip-flops almost every day and getting flustered over the dog barking. I am almost entirely forgetting that the world wide interweb exists.
My life is here. I am side-turned to sleep next to a snoring man who I call husband, one who doesn't like how I always always steal the covers. He is the man that forgives me every little and big thing in our ordinary life. He sees it all, the things you cannot see, and he keeps me.
I am here sweeping dog hair and crumbs to dustpan and taking the garbage to the curb. And I might even tell you about it by using a computer. Or wait. I am telling you about it using a computer and a connection in the sky.
Words can be so meaningless, filling space and time by filling space and time with drivel. There is no meaning if words in cyber-spaces are thrown out as a means to an end. For selfish gain. There is no meaning if these words are not inspired but forcefully contrived, simply said to be said to say something, anything, to just have something to say for something to get.
I don't want my words to be a means to an end. Ever. I want pure motives and true connection and to pull parts of my life of here to the pages out there, and then cheesily (yes, that's a word) make a difference. So sometimes I wonder about all of this and feel that tension in my gut. The questions start to flow as I watch all the games that are played in these spaces. And I realize that if I think too hard about all of that, I will go quiet.
I walk the line between striving to stay relevant, to be heard and clicked on so I don't disappear, and a genuine heartfelt desire to create and cause and change and give back. I mostly stay nearer to the latter side of the line, authentic and heart-driven, but I too get pulled by opinions on how to do this thing "right" every once and a while. I never like my words when I cave to that pull.
There is no escaping the reality of life in the year 2010. A good year. Whatever we want, we can find it behind a screen and that is a gift, but only when used with honor and integrity-no veils, no tricks or gimmicks, just me and my heart-gut poured out for the right reasons. I want to always keep it this way, to have this desire and cause and purpose and mission, handed over through a medium that can be so meaningless if void of a sincere and careful and concerted effort to do the right thing. Always.
'They' say you have to have a blog to do this and you have to have a mac to do that. You have to create an account here if you want to succeed with this or with that. You have to tweet to keep your face in people's faces if your business or book or record or articles will ever ever be seen-heard. And the current and future reality is that 'they' are mostly right. People who do not love social media are being forced to make difficult choices, to jump in for fear of others getting ahead because those others are linked in and hooked up and everywhere at all times, and for what? So they have more people who 'like' them on facebook? To show they've done some excellent promoting? How many times do we click 'like' without truly knowing or liking? This is what I mean...so meaningless and meaningful, at the same time. Because despite all the shallow there is so much depth and connection here. Aside from the frivolous extras, of course.
I quite miss the absence of all of this cyber hubbub sometimes. And yet, here I am, at my keyboard, telling you how I feel about all of it. You who I know and don't know, my words falling in your space and taking your time. And then I'm honored and humbled at the thought of that, and I want to do right by you.
I am here and my life is full of people and colors and experiences and sights and sounds that are only mine. I am in my imperfect skin in my imperfect life and I love that you are along for the ride.
The social media world has opened doors for me. Sobriety has opened doors for me. I am moving ahead at the speed of light thanks to a strange thing, a strange word- Blogging.
I don't believe a person will be left behind or go unheard or fail if they steer clear of social media. And even so, somehow, strangely, social media has impacted my life in a positive way. Today I'm thinking out loud and finding that I need to ask myself if my personal success is the only reason I cheer on the meaningless/meaningful social media world?
And now I sit here in this endless world of words and I beg myself to stay right here, in my life, with only a touch of cyber-space as icing.
social media photos courtesy of flickr