7/10/10

the way the clouds striped through the sky

Modern June Cleaver, no?


We've been busy with birthday parties over here, one last night for my mom, as she turned 60 (and holding, as she likes to say) and one for our boys, because their birthdays are just two weeks apart. I've got some great photos for sharing here another day. Tonight I'm just too exhausted for the uploading.

In the past I handled the stress of having company, lots of company, and trying so hard to keep everything impossibly perfect, by drinking. Sometimes I'd drink sneakily, and sometimes I'd drink right after the sober company left, to cope with my insecurity and need to people please.

Without that option, I'm learning not only new ways of coping, but to accept and relax. To expect less of myself and simply live the moments, believing it's all good enough simply because my intentions are good, even if there's nothing close to perfect.

I cleaned, but not frantically. I asked for help and I took my time. I saw a friend and held her four-day-old baby for a very, very long and therapeutic amount of time when I could have been attending to party details. I really did, as they say, take one moment at a time. No fret, no fuss.

I believed my mom's gift was good enough, without trying to read her face for clues. I believe she loved it.

Today, for the boys' party, I wore my pink summer sweater with a belt that ties around the waist. The belt is always riding up too high, creating a grandmother-looking waistline. I forgot about it for most of the day today. I didn't care about my silly belt.

Our boys had cake and ice cream and they got to see almost all of their favorite people in the whole universe at one time. They had a water fight and they wrestled with Uncle K and giggled out the best kinds of sounds with their cousins.

And then later, when we were outside, with the party winding down, the clouds started rolling in. I had been taking photos of Asher with Uncle K and of cousins in trees like monkeys, and I looked up and I had to think of how big and vast the shockingly beautiful sky is. How it's like life, so full and changing and engulfing, and how we can miss the brilliance of the bigger picture if we're paying too much attention to the stressful details.

The bigger picture is a million tiny reasons not to drink. So I am the best kind of exhausted, and beyond grateful to have noticed the sky.

P.S. Asher has continued to say "I not have mine headache anymore, Mommy." That's my current favorite sentence, just so you know. Thank you, all of you, for your thoughts and prayers. Go team.

Oh. And I forgot. These are the last days to vote for BlogLuxe Awards (nominee button in sidebar). Please vote for Violence UnSilenced in the Most Inspiring category and for any other blog you'd like in the other categories, obviously. Thank you!

21 clicked right here to comment:

love said...

love, love, love this.

[and i haven't said it, but i've been praying for your little man. so glad his mine headache is gone.]

Robin said...

Great comparison between life and the sky. We all need to look up more, and really enjoy it before it passes us by.

Praying for your little man. And for you to stay strong. It's tough when our little ones go through hard times.

Casey Freeland said...

So happy and hopeful for your little man.

Casey

Corinne said...

First of all, you look fabulous :)
Second, so glad you had a good day!
Third, yay for Asher feeling better!
Fourth, those clouds are gorgeous!
Fifth... hmmm... just love you to pieces, lady!

deb said...

thanks for being here, like this,
like the you who is just you.
before I go to bed.
I needed to remember the clouds, on a not so good day of stressing over details .

~beautyandjoy~ said...

all of it, all of it - good and beautiful news.

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

i think you (and your pink sweater) are darling. thanks for sharing the good all around.

Jennifer @ Getting Down With Jesus said...

Yes. That bigger picture is where it's at.

That I would always step back from the puny little details that consume me, to see the big masterpiece at work.

Thank you for this.

Kimberly said...

Again, what a poet you are. And what a sweet, restful sort of post. Smile inducing and panic soothing (I have house guests right now - I don't handle that well and the number of cookies in the pantry has dropped drastically, sigh).

Thank you for the reminder. So needed.

I told the girls that Asher is better, that his head doesn't hurt anymore, and they did a little happy dance. How awesome is that?

Cynthia said...

That sweet little guy- he's so brave and strong. He gets those traits from his Mama. I so understand being bogged down by so many 'current' problems that we fail to see the big picture. Thanks for this post.

Jo@Mylestones said...

Oh I am so glad to hear Asher continues to say he does not have "mine headache". (So cute, that one).
And I am so glad to hear that you took it moment by moment, that you forgot about the silly belt, that you noticed the sky. This is the beautiful stuff of life, my friend, and you are awake, aware, making it yours.

Allison @ Alli 'n Son said...

I love those clouds, very beautiful. It's so easy to miss those beautiful moments isn't it? I'm glad that you enjoyed your weekend and hopefully ate a lot of cake.

mama-face said...

I know days like that when you are able to focus on the moment and not on all the little things that try to work their way into your head and distract you and weigh you down. It takes work to have those days and sometimes it's easier to let the other feelings take over.

What a downer comment...honestly your post was uplifting and encouraging-that days like yours are just around the corner.

LOVE your sweater and your swagger. :)

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

It's funny how beautiful the world around us can be and because we are so busy or caught up in things we don't notice it.

It is hard to slow down and stop stressing but it is so nice when we do.

Happy Birthday to all your wonderful loves.

Becky said...

good for you on doing this day sober. so many milestones for you this year.

and also so glad that Asher still has no mine headache. HOORAY for poop!

Aging Mommy said...

Lovely post.I am glad you are savoring the moments, just enjoying without worrying. Wonderful news also about Asher.

Kelly said...

Managing expectations, knowing the world won't end, believing that things will be okay. That's what gets me through each and every day.

JasonBirk佳琪 said...

海鷗要高飛,必先遠退。花蜜要香醇,必先久釀。............................................................

Ash said...

Youngest has taken to discovering all sorts of shapes in the clouds - a lost art that needs rediscovering for sure. Glad you're enjoying them as well.

As always, so proud of you and thinking of Asher.

Wendi@Every Day Miracles said...

Heather - I have been on vacation for the past 9 days. I am now home and just sat down with a cup a coffee and your blog.
1) Loving your pictures!
2) SO glad to hear that Asher is doing better!! We have dealt with one shunt malfunction with K and it was not.fun. Scary really.
3) Your pink summer sweater is oh so fab.
4) Your writing inspires my writing. And my thinking. And I like that alot.
5) I like you alot.

The end.

Erin said...

I'm so glad Asher's headache is better. I love that picture of the clouds too.

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