an acorn update

My hCG level went up. It went up.

This is hopeful and good and now I've hit that feeling you get when you come down from a three day adrenaline rush and all you want to do is sleep for three days. But I'm going to go grocery shopping with my two toot knockers instead because I'm hungry.


This is our Acorn...


The Acorn doesn't really have a stem like that, I just drew that in for kicks....but you knew that...

Our little seed is smaller than an actual acorn at this point, but in the right place and on his/her own time clock. (I would like he or she to hurry up and get that little heart going so we can have our hopes confirmed, but for that, we'll have to wait a couple more weeks.) (oooof daaaah)

For now, we're simply choosing to believe that everything is okay. That whole increased hCG thing is really good news.

I know I'm going to be fighting fear more than I did when I was pregnant with Miles and Asher this time around. I don't even really know why. It's not so much my age, but maybe more that I have a deeply rooted concern that my number is up. Which is a bit irrational and also not. I mean, why not us? Why not now? It's a thought I need to deal with, feel and then find a way to let go. I want to insist that we've been through enough in the last few years...but that isn't fair because there are no quotas on pain and nothing makes our family exempt from anything. What I've come to understand is that we won't be protected from all hurts, but we will be helped through all hurts.

Like Lee said with such grace last weekend, there are always only two choices...fear or faith.
I want to choose faith, and I think that means not only hoping, but truly believing, because there's a difference between the two. It's just a really subtle and utterly important difference.

So, my friends, I'm believing The Acorn is going to be alright. I know that's entirely possible, so what's not to believe?

If this road curves me away from that belief, I'll pick up the reigns on the next thing to believe...that no matter what, we're going to be okay.