Yeah, that. Oh, yeah. That. I guess I can't totally ignore things that need to get done though, because that's just gross. You should see my house right now. But I really, really want to ignore it all. During the weeks that Ryan is gone especially (which lately feels like every week), I can't muster the energy to keep up. I do to some extent, but I'm just so completely exhausted in every possible way that sometimes I just can't put one foot in front of the other. It's not always like this, but maybe it's all the rain. I don't know. I've said this a hundred times, but I'll say it forever. Single parents are so amazing.
I hate dishes. They multiply in the sink and all over the counter. I hate emptying the dishwasher. There is so much stuff in there! You know those items that aren't simple to put away? Like a random serving bowl that belongs at the bottom of the stack of bowls on the top shelf of the cupboard farthest away from you? I hate that bowl. I don't even hate laundry as much as dishes. Except for the putting it away part, I hate that part. Where's my personal assistant?
Maybe it's because when Ryan is out of town (I like to think he's fighting crime and poverty, wearing a cape and everything. That way I don't completely lose my mind. After all, he is paying the bills), it's really hard to keep up. I feel like I'm doing the same things, on so little sleep, so many times without a break, a breath, a moment...that these things become who I am.
I am a poopy diaper. I am a dirty sippie cup. I am a quickly thrown-together meal. I am a cranky, teething baby holder. I am a sassy toddler scolder.
I long for that positive and funny husband guy to walk through the door to the extent that I practically sit staring at it, hoping a miracle will happen and there he'll be (with flowers and chocolates and the news that we've won the lottery). And then I'll take a shower and go to bed and I'll sleep twelve straight hours without waking even for a moment and I'll be so rested when I wake up that I'll dance around singing "the hills are alive...with the sound of music..."
Let's just say it hasn't been the easiest week, and I needed to get that off my chest.
On the bright side, we've started out the morning a little better today. I told Miles I was sorry for being so crabby yesterday and he said, "but now you're being nice to me." Like that's all that really mattered to him, even though he had every right to say something along the lines of, "shove off, psycho mommy."
And once again, I'm so thankful for people in my life who encourage me and try to remind me that I'm a good mom, even if I don't believe it in the moment. These are good people. Some of them are coming over today, thank the Lord - Lana and Noah and Grace this morning, and Uncle Kevin this afternoon. It will be a good day. I just know it.
Still, you should see my house, it's really something...
3 clicked right here to comment:
Amen to the single mommy bit. I absolutely could not go on if I knew it was just me, alone in the trenches. I too, live for the minute that my hubby walks thru the door......minus the flowers part. And when he used to travel, I would let everything go until the day he got back....no sense stressing out about everything if you're the only one who has to see (or smell) it. Reminds me, I think I better throw those rotting washcloths into a bucket of bleach:(
I totaly can relate... no wait, i can't. But i can relate to the dirty dishes part! and what is up with that one bowl! i hate that bowl too! I often feel like a poopy diaper too.
Oh my, this one struck a chord! I struggle with the day to day -so- much. I mean, I've progressed so far from where I was at when we first got married, but some days it hits me a little too hard how far I have yet to go to become my ideal.
I have learned though that folding the kids clothes accomplishes nothing. So I put them rightside out and lay them in their drawers. Saves me hours, I swear. And after seven years of marriage it finally hit me (like, two weeks ago), that doing dishes is not optional. Usually I leave them for a day or two (till everything's all hardened on and whatnot), but the past two weeks? I make dishes top priority and wow, so much faster a job. I wouldn't say I enjoy them, I hate doing dishes with a fierce passion, but I'm enjoying that happy..."Wow! My kitchen is clean!" refrain I've got going on right now.
Anyway, I think I'm crossing the line from flatteringly reading a ton of your blog this evening into creepy stalker territory so I'm off. Such a pleasure though!
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