The kids and I had to get out of the house today. I made the mistake of asking Miles where he would like to go. He said the play place at the mall. I said something like, "really?" He was sure.

Anyway, we ran other errands and I started to truly dread the mall, the double stroller, the chaos...

We came up to a light and I couldn't help but notice the golden arches to my right. Hmmmm.

Mistake #2 of the day was asking if the play place at MickeyD's would suffice... ugh.

Miles has been to the play place one other time in his life. Luckily we were with friends that day. I was pregnant with a (very) large Asher, and Miles couldn't find his way out of the "tunnels" in the play place. My friend climbed her way through and saved his life. That was a long time ago, so today I thought Miles would be old enough to not freeze in one of the plastic window bubbles, totally forgetting how to keep his body moving toward an exit.

But he forgot.

I looked a fool for at least five minutes trying to mouth to him how to get down, head tipped back as I looked up at him in the bubble window, pointing and pacing and yelling, "IT'S OKAAAAY!!!" Finally I gave up (too many crocodile tears), and climbed my way to the rescue. Ew...

Then a droopy Miles and I made our way back to an abandoned Asher and ate more nasty, guilt-inducing food. I said that maybe when he's a bit bigger he'll have an easier time with really high tubing. He just stared at me and shoved a hand-full of artery-clogging fries into his innocent little mouth.

After that, he proceeded to pour lemonade (sugar-ade) down his front, soaking his shirt and pants and, with lip trembling, asked me for a napkin. "That's okay honey, accidents happen, stay right here while I go throw our piles of unrecyclable trash."

I was only gone for a moment...

Gone. G-O-N-E. Gone. Where'd he go?!? Has Ronald McDonald stolen my beautiful child??? Panic setting in. I turned my back for three seconds! Well, okay, maybe it was 30 seconds because that stupid piece of paper wouldn't come off the tray and I didn't want to touch the garbage and...ugh. WHERE???

Oh. He's right there, removing his shoes to start the climb up Mount Fear again. No thank you, Mister. We're leaving.


4 clicked right here to comment:

Sabrina said...

kids and tubes... well they come from a tube and therefore they are destined to return to the tubes...
Ashes to ashes, tubes to tubes...
or should i say Asher to... oh that is lame. lame.

k & k said...

Did you turn the tube epsisode into the fry/artery analogy?
"...and this is why we don't eat here Miles..." Oh I can hear it now! :-)

Sarah said...

Ok, Heather... I was laughing so hard I was crying. I came to your page for the first time today. I enjoyed one of your other posts, but I thought I'd click on one of the ones you said other's liked... and I was so entertained... I can totally see myself in this situation.
I know I'd be in hysterics by the end of the day, and completely dump on my husband, making the day into a travesty, but I hope that if I reread a story of the day 1 month later, I'd be able to laugh about it.
I hope Miles is able to get through the tubes, now. :)
Oh, and I read part of this post to my husband, and he thought it was great, too... I know at the time it must've been awful, but think what stories you can tell Miles, and poor abandoned Asher, when he grows up!

charrette said...

hahaha! I share your McFear, big time. More like McRevulsion. It truly is a living nightmare. My kids know better than to even ASK any more. (Unless they want to push my buttons and get a good laugh!)

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