I'm embarking on a bit of an adventure with a friend and I need a moment of your time. So if you could take a few steps with us for awhile as we begin the journey, it would be much appreciated. By me. And someone else, who for now is remaining nameless. She's overly talented and underly arrogant, so if I say she and I are thinking of writing something together she might feel sheepish. So I refuse to name her. Stop asking.
(Maybe I should feel more sheepish too since I say things like "underly arrogant.")
Anyway, GET TO THE POINT, right?
If you so happen to be a mom, I need to ask you two quite personal questions. For good reason. You'll have to trust me on that. We will not reveal your identity if you so wish, but we may at some time reveal your answers.
If you're totally unshy and could give two hoots if people see your answers, put them in the comments. If you think that commenting on blogs is the stupidest thing to ever hit the internet, and yet you love to make comments via email, please answer that way (fullcircle underscore doula at yahoo dot com). Please help us out even if I have no clue who you are. I like strangers.
Sidenote to those of you who don't really get the commenting thing: you just click on comments at the end of the post and then you type out your comment and even if you don't have a blogger username and all that jazz, you can simply click 'anonymous' and leave your name in your comment. Or don't, just stay anonymous, that's cool too.
Okay moms. Here they are and all I'm going to ask is that you're as honest and real as humanly possible thank you very much:
1) Name or describe something you're really doing well as a mother. Something that just stands out to you and makes you feel good, knowing that you ROCK.
and now,
2) Name or describe something you feel like you're totally failing at as a mother?
(Ew, I know, gross! But bear with me please. This question does serve a purpose.)
That's it. That's all. Nothing else.
Hoping you have time for this and thanking you in advance,
Heather
17 clicked right here to comment:
REALLY GOOD--Um, I'm good at giving my kids routine: chores in the morning, sit-down meals, quiet time, play time, craft time, and regular bedtimes.
NOT SO HOT--I feel like I lose my temper a lot, so while the physical routine around our house is predictable, sometimes the emotional routine is not so much. . .
1) I rock at explaining things to my kids. So far, this hasn't been too applicable with the two year old, but my four year old gets pretty awesome answers to her questions. And I love that I actually make time to answer them.
2) It is an emotional roller coaster round here. The kids never know when I'm going to be "Happy Mommy" or "Super Cranky Gets Upset About Every Little Thing Mommy." I really don't like how unstable their little lives are in that respect and I'm working on it.
I know.....I deleted my initial answer after a bit more thought...
1. I think I'm good at teaching my girls about hospitality. We love to have company and throw parties and I'm starting to see that in the girls. They help me clean house and get things ready......but included in hospitality is kindness to neighbors. We like to make cookies for the neighbors "just because", or take a plate of dinner over when we have plenty to share. We especially love leaving flowers on their porches on May Day. I guess I'm optimistic that they will carry on the tradition of hospitality because that's what they grew up knowing. It feels really weird to toot my own horn like this, so let me move on......
2. I am a HORRIBLE example of patience. Basically, I have NONE:( It's a fruit of the Spirit definitely slow to ripen in my life. The sad part is that I can already see this in my eldest. I'm all on her case for being short with her little sisters, but then I realize she has learned it....from me. That makes me sad:(
I just happened on your blog today and have enjoyed reading here. I hope you'll come by and visit mine as well.
My kids are older, but the parenting continues, of course, so I can still play, I suppose.
Good: at teaching my kids to take responsibility. I don't make excuses for them or assume they've been mistreated in situations where they didn't get their way. It doesn't always make me their best friend, but it will make them better people.
Not so good: at maintaining a meal routine. Too much takeout. Too much "get yourself something in the kitchen". Guilt? yup. Always planning to do better in this area? yup.
1. I have the ability, the tenacity to see a problem and run toward it....even if it concerns getting a label for a special need in my son. He is flourishing and I swallowed my ridiculous pride. This included re-organizing or even just ditching what I thought were important priorities for better ones....simpler lifestyle choices, etc.
2. I'm no good at being okay with what I would consider "failing". I need to give myself the space and grace not to be perfect....always expecting too much and feeling like I didn't do or accomplish anything. I had to ask my husband what to put for the first question....just proves the point. UGH!
Really good - I think I am good at discipline. I can be very consistent, I usually remember to praise postivie behavior, and my psych background helps me think of behavior mod techniques that work for me.
Not so much - I am really terrible at being "present" with my kids. After a few seconds of trying to really play with them, I start thinking of tasks I could be doing. I am always doing, doing, doing. It's hard for me to relax and just hang out with them. I hate what this is modeling to them.
1) REALLY GOOD - Dinners. My family eats delicious, nutritious meals, and the kids are NOT ALLOWED to be picky! As a result, they love great food. And they are wonderful guests in others' homes. [Funny story: We took our youngest to visit a preschool and he saw a picture of a fish on the wall and said "Yum!" The teacher/tour guide said, "Oh, do you like Fish Sticks?" He gave her a blank stare. "Actually he's never had them," I explain. "Well, I bet you LOVE tater tots." Another blank stare. "I don't think he's ever had those either." A little flustered, she asks him what he likes to eat, and without missing a beat, our 3-year-old answers, "Salmon and cous-cous."] Also we make family dinners a priority, eating together every possible night, and doing our best at engaging conversations.
NOT SO HOT -- Routine, Everything Heidi mentioned as a strength is a downfall of mine. Also, I mentally check out sometimes when I need a break and don't get it...I just go someplace else inside my head. (Not proud of that.)
I have to admit that I can think of one or two more answers for the really-good category, and at least a dozen in the not-so-hot category. I think we all have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves.
Really Good?
Keeping them clean and fed. That is about it.
Very bad-
Allowing too much unstructured time due to my own selfish desire to get "my stuff" DONE.
Blogger Abra said... sorry, I read it back and there were a lot of errors so I reposted - 'cause I'm anal like that :)
I'm pretty supportive when it comes to my kids aspirations. I'm a firm believer that if you want to become something, you can. Anything you try is 90% mental, 10% physical. I try to instill that in my kids. I want them to know that they can do whatever their little hearts desires(as long as it's legal!) My mom was really good at that and I try to be the same. As soon as you tell yourself you "CAN'T" do something, you won't be able to. Simply for the fact, that you've already decided you can't.
What I'm not so good at... oh let me count the ways! I don't think there's enough room!
I work too much and am not home enough, even when I pick the kids up early from daycare it's for swimming and I'm the coach! I yell too much and am a perfectionist and expect my kids to be also. I am impatient and everything is a time factor. My poor kids have been rushing around the house since they were born. Do I regret this Definitely... have I changed it at all? NO.
I'm good at teaching my children to read and to love the library. I'm also good at cooking them interesting and healthy food. I've inspired my kids to enjoy crafts.
I'm not good at being patient or being organized. I'm not good at teaching them to clean up after themselves. I don't keep a clean house.
Good Mommy: I'm good at teaching my children responsibility for their actions....my 4 year old, been potty trained FOREVER but is too lazy to go in the potty scrubs the poo out of his own pants. My almost 2 year old cleans up her own toys.
Bad Mommy: I spend way too much time wanting to do my thing. It's mainly selfishness. I need to make more time for their one on one time and times when I'm fun! Sometimes I remember, but it's forced. I need to PLAY with them more!
Oh...To intro myself, I just found you from a comment on Randi's blog...She's a fun read huh?!?!
Good: Treat each child like an individual. Customize discipline to each child as well as praise and motivation.
Bad: Knowing my true goals for my kids. Knowing if I am doing things right or screwing up royally. Keeping even tempered. Making them wash their hands.
Good at: Staying calm in all sorts of situations presented to me as a mum. I guess that may not be completely a mothering thing, so I would also like to add that I am good at having fun with my two year old and loving her.
Not so good at: I let my two year old watch too much preschool television.
Good--I think I am good at teaching my kids to be respectful, grateful and hard-working.
Bad--The yelling. I hate it when I get frustrated and yell!
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