The Perils of Being Cool

Going to Ikea puts me in a good mood. There are truly inexpensive storage containers there. And I really like to organize and store things. Like little boy shoes, games, puzzles, blankets, clothes, winter items, socks, books, toys, towels, outdoor toys......

So yeah. I was in a good mood after a trip there today. I was loading the boys in the car and doing what I normally do. Rapping. What mother doesn't rap while trying to persuade her children to do things they don't feel like doing?

If I had the ability to vlog (is that what it's called?) I would totally share this rap with you, since it works wonders. Or if I wanted to have myself seen on video over the internet, then I would show you via YouTube. But that isn't going to happen. So instead you'll just have to rap this in your head while imagining me trying to keep Miles from climbing all over the car:

Put your butt in the seat.
Put your butt in the seat.
Butt in the seat.
Yes, put it in the seat. (say that last line like rapid fire...for effect.)

That's it. You have to keep it simple, people. These are small children. They like simple.

My boys giggle every time I get down wit' it and roll with my homies as a means to getting what I want. And it works. Miles giggles and submits, putting his butt in his seat, rapid fire style.

But today, in all my Ikea-giddiness, I got a little carried away. I was buckling Asher, rapping to Miles and bouncing my very own butt a little while bending into the back seat. I finished with Asher and backed up (all that junk in my trunk, moving slowly away from the car) and stood and turned to go around and buckle Miles.

Just then I came face to face with my audience.

A nice young man was patiently waiting to get to his car door. He had parked right next to me. So while I hitched up the five-point harness on Asher, he stood and listened to a thirty-something mother rapping her face off, and bouncing to the beat in her head.

He smirked. I sheepishly said, "excuse me." He said, "it's no problem."

Was he stifling a laugh? I think so.

What's my problem? I'm still not sure.

16 clicked right here to comment:

a Tonggu Momma said...

Someone once caught me leading a group of preschoolers while we all waddled like ducks. And no, I wasn't teaching at that moment in time. I share this only in the hopes that I helped you feel much more cool.

Abra said...

He might have been stifling a smirk, however, one day when he has kids, your rap will pop into his head, and he'll be whippin' it out b-boy style with a little bit o' flava and east coast charm.
PS IKEA rocks... look for the ANNA's cookies, they're delicious, and made just down the street from where I live :)

Kelly @ Love Well said...

He was just wishing he was as cool as you. That's all.

I sing crazy songs all day long to get my children to stop whining/cooperate/smile. If people overhear me, I just smile and toss my hair.

2 Legit 2 Quit.

Sarah said...

Oh, I love singing in public... at least then I don't remember who the people are (usually) who see me... if it's with family and friends... they remind me regularly...
My favorite is singing in the aisles with my son while shopping. He loves it and dances with me.
I've recently moved my shopping to the hours when VERY few other people are in the store...

Lisa said...

You totally made that guys day, you know. No doubt about it.

PLEASE enjoy your time now. I've never done rap but I've ALWAY done loads of singing. I sing about what we're doing. I sing about what we're not supposed to do. I sing about why I love my kids etc. etc. And I also sing regular songs.

These days my kids don't appreciate ANY of it and give me funny looks and ask me to please stop. Don't they know that THEY used to sing everything, too? It's very sad. But it may have something to do with the fact that more and more often I'm not just singing but really belting it out and trying to add verbrato etc. I don't really care what they say. I still do it. Sometimes when their friends are over.

Adam and Kristina said...

The only thing that could have made this cooler was if you had been singing The Mormon Rap. Best idea ever.

Melanie J said...

I make up the dumbest songs on the planet for my little guys, especially the littlest one. Today at Costco I sang him the "Your bum is dry, yay!" song for about five aisles. He liked it. I think the slack jawed stares and ducking of other shoppers means that they thought I was totally dope, too, yo.

Peanut said...

Ahhhh... I needed a good laugh. Thanks!
My KK won't let me sing. She's not even three yet and she yells, "Mommy no sing!" if I even hum.

BaronessBlack said...

Ha Ha! Reminds me - last month when we were in IKEA I took my daughter and her friend to the ladies after lunch. We went into the last three stalls, and as I was the first one finished I stood outside the girls' stalls and called out, "Do you guys need any help in there?"
Cue a chorus from the line of stalls "No thanks, Mum!", "I think I can manange!" etc. etc. Needless to say my daughter and her friend took an age, so I had to wait while all these other women passed me grinning!

...sensible of shoe said...

That rap is getting used today! Do I need to pay you royalties?

happygeek said...

There's something weird about a 30 something white lady in a mini-van rapping outside a Swedish store?
Cause that could have easily been me.
My bad.
Ikea can make anyone sing!

Daisy said...

I don't wrap, but I sing. At least I used to. My son, mostly, would ask, "Mama,sing!" and I would. Now it's a little different; he's 16!

Lisa @ Take90West said...

I have a very similiar story, except I wasn't rapping...I was singing 'Get in your seat' opera style. I thought I would die when I saw the fashionable chick standing there waiting to get into her Lexus.

charrette said...

Ahahaha! EVERY mom should be that cool! (I went to IKEA twice this week, but it never occurred to me to RAP our way to the car!)

And be glad your kids are still in the love-everything-you-do stage. My kids, who used to BEG me to make up random songs on the spot, complete with rhyming lines, now BEG me NOT to sing (or even hum) and literally DIE if I dance! Love it while you can, Babe!

MidnightCafe said...

Oh, Heather, this is priceless!! I laughed out loud. :)

Jenny said...

OK, I never, and I mean VERY. rarely. actually laugh out loud with a "Baaaahahahaha". It's usually more like a snort or just a sigh and a smile.

This post, honey. This post made me completely almost pee my pants. The visual is absolutely priceless.

I do crazy things all the time, but I don't think I've ever been caught.

You have caused a smile on my face that will not leave for quite some time.

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