12/9/08

Anyone have a Xanax I could borrow?

Yes, a Xanax sounds good about now. I've heard that stuff'll make you feel great.

It's a good thing I wrote about my faith yesterday. Now I can read that post over and over and over to remind me that we're taken care of, and even if life is hard and scary, I know that in the end we'll be o.k. Maybe things won't always work out the way I think they should, but the final result is always grounded in grace, even if it looks pretty ugly to me.

If I didn't believe that all the way down to the ends of my toes, I might explode.

Asher isn't doing so hot. (he's super fussy and needy and agitated and impossible to comfort.)
I've been thinking that's probably normal. After all, a neurosurgeon put a piece of plastic and a bunch of tubing in his head and belly. That can't be fun.

But according to the medical professionals, he should not be this uncomfortable, and he should have more of an appetite. He doesn't have his usual ferocious eating habits these days. He's just plain MAD.

So I'm taking him to the hospital tomorrow morning and they're going to run tests (x-ray, catscan) to see if the shunt isn't working the way it should be working. The triage nurse said something about the settings of the shunt and how they may need to be changed. Which would put Asher back in surgery.

And Ryan leaves tomorrow to go to Arizona for work. (I know he'll be working, but I'm still jealous that he'll be warm and I won't.)

And I forgot to take Miles to school today. Yeah, MOM GUILT.

And I haven't started our Christmas shopping.

And the Christmas cards are sitting on the dining room table, laughing and pointing and nudging each other, whispering things like, "We'll NEVER be addressed and out of here. Ever." Then they roll their eyes.

Thankfully my dear friend Mackenzie can spend the day with Miles tomorrow so I can take Asher to the hospital. She's doing that despite the fact that she stopped over this morning and we hadn't shoveled, so she fell on our stoop. (stoop is a weird word) Yeah, that was nice of us. And yet she's still willing to help. Good friend.

You know what else? I miss Miles and Ryan. We're together a whole lot, but everything is just all covered up with stress and the soundtrack of Asher crying in the background. Poor Miles.

Well, there you have it.

Sigh.

This too shall pass.

41 clicked right here to comment:

The Mom said...

My bottle went missing, literally, if you find some, send me one please! *hug*

Jillene said...

Oh Heather!! I am so sorry!! I hope that things get better! I really hope that they won't have to do another surgery!! You are in my prayers!!

The Antics of the Three 22nds said...

we'll be praying for you, Heather.

I haven't started my Christmas shopping either. No one on my list needs anything anyway.

I did get my charitable gifts purchased. And that is what matters.

Bonnie Lewis said...

i am praying or you and your little ones. thank you for being so open and honest so that we may surround you in prayers. love to you!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Oh, man! This is so hard! It's not fair! I hate it! I'm super behind this year, too, and I don't even have a sick baby for an excuse. I'm keeping my fingers crossed (and praying, of course) that they will get everything all fixed up tomorrow and he will be fine. (my dad had a shunt in an unmentionable area--he's old---and it had to be redone which wasn't fun but it DID fix the problem).

PsychMamma said...

So sorry that it's not all going smoothly. Poor little Asher! It's so hard when they can't TELL us what the problem is. Hopefully, it's all figured out tomorrow and it doesn't require surgery.

I can only imagine how frazzled you feel. Sending a ginormous hug your way! My advice?? Forget the Christmas cards this year. Or send them in Jan as a New Year's card. Your friends and family love you the same, card or no card, and you're dealing with enough already. (FYI: We stopped sending cards and I LOVE the freedom - saves time, money, paper, & SANITY).

Hang in there! I know it's even harder with Ryan gone. Remember we're all here supporting you! Wishing you all peace.

LisAway said...

We'll keep the prayers coming. Man I feel bad for you. And your poor baby.

I laughed out loud twice in this post. (not about you forgetting to take Miles to school or the lack of Christmas shopping, just the cards rolling their eyes and the (stoop is a weird word)). Thanks for those. Again you make me feel sorry for you (wrong expression, but maybe you know what I mean) and laugh all in one post. You are a magician.

Abra said...

You.
Are so sweet.

Ditto on the Christmas shopping, me neither.
Stoop is a WEIRD word.

And if everything turned out right the first time, our lives would be pretty boring.

Fingers crossed, Toes crossed, and actually, my legs are crossed too for Asher that everything is okay.
HUGS to you.
Tell Ryan he should bring you next time.

Kazzy said...

It's good that you are right on top of it. Relieve your son's pain AND your own guilt by dealing with it right away. Christmas gifts can wait. It's about family!

I'll be thinking of you.

Keyona said...

Oh Heather, well we knew there would be more complications right. Everything will fall into place. You KNOW that everything happens for a reason so keep your head up you can do this. Oh how I wish I could be there to help with something. All I can do is offer words of encouragment and tell you to take it one day at a time. You know what helps...lists. I don't know if you're a list type of gal but it helps to write down what you need to do and don't be afraid to ASK FOR HELP! You can't do it all alone. You have family and friends that are there to support you. That's what we do for each other. I have a friend here that has similar moments and if I just go to keep her kids for 30 minutes while she grocery shops alone it makes a difference. Ask for help honey.

Ok sorry for the church service.. :o)

Heather Smith said...

Praying that everything will be well with Asher's tests. And that things will settle down to the norm soon.

elizabeth said...

One word for the Christmas shopping--AMAZON.COM----is that just one word? Anyway, cheaper than Walmart or Target, it has everything you can think of and there's free shipping on anything over 25 dollars....good luck tomorrow.

Sabrina said...

Aw heather, you are a trooper...
Let me know if you need anything when Ryan is in AZ...
sun lamp? Cacti? sand? guacamole and girl talk?

a Tonggu Momma said...

We don't have any Xanax, but we do have a full liquor cabinet. Come on over!

CC said...

HUGS!! I've got lots of happy pills round here. Welcome to my pharmacy...

Kristina P. said...

Heather, hang in there! I hope that Asher starts feeling better ASAP!

Ron said...

there is a saying ... when it rains .. it pours ..

my dad (a man that gets wiser as I get older .. odd) used to say .. it rains on the just and unjust alike (Bible) but we have an umbrella in Jesus (Dad) ..

life happens .. this is in no wise meant to minimize your situation .. but to maximize our help .. He is a strong and mighty tower .. many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers them from them all ..

you .. and asher .. and miles .. and ryan .. are all in our prayers

Becky said...

Stink! I hope another surgery isn't needed.

And Christmas cards? Everyone will understand. After all, 'tis the season to be jolly, not the season to be ticked off cuz you got a card on the 29th. :)

I wish I lived closer so I could help in some way. I feel so useless just typing comments...

Growin' with it! said...

take those christmas cards and send them out as happy new years cards!

aww man heather, hate it when our little ones are so upset and can't explain why or how. i will pray for you and hope to hear something easy came about to make everything all better for all of you.

Kim M said...

Hey....thanks for the update. I am sorry Asher is not doing so hot. Can I come and help you on Friday? I am kid free for the day! I'm praying for you guys, let me know....Miss you, KIM

minnesotamom said...

Oh, Heather. I'm so sorry to hear things aren't going as well as planned. I will pray for you post-comment.

happygeek said...

Oh those mocking cards.
My cousin sends a valentines card and letter every year. Maybe by then you might be in the mood. Non-stop crying can be a drag on your entire being. Give yourself a TON of slack right now.
TONS.
So hope that Asher's problems can be rectified without surgery.

Debbie said...

I just have a strong desire to drive to you and hug you. First of all, Christmas cards? Send them in January. It will remind people to keep the Christmas spirit alive year round. Secondly, a day off from school? Miles was probably thrilled. And third, we will keep praying and I am so hopeful everything will get completely fixed for sweet Asher.

Tooj said...

Nothing about your post is like my life right now, but I oddly feel as if we're living the same day out. LOL I guess my baby has been fussy and impossible to comfort as well....but other than that....I don't even know what xanax does (I'm not a pill person), but it sounds good. Does it work like tequila? LOL

Muthering Heights said...

Awww, poor thing...I hope they can figure out what is wrong!

jodilee0123 said...

Everyone said pretty much what I was thinking too. . . Except send the cards out in June (haha). . .people will probably actually pay attention to them then. Mine are sitting all over the floor--blank--I'm surprised I even found them. I'm not sure I will get them out myself as construction starts at our household tomorrow. As for school--days off are healthy too. Miles probably wanted to be at home with you guys anyway. I will pray for Asher and your family.

That Girl in Brazil said...

I think you and Miles need a date.

Ask a loved one to hold Asher for a few hours, skip school (on purpose), and see a movie. Eat ice cream. Laugh. Make him feel special and loved and remind yourself how special and loved YOU are.

And send Valentine Day cards with pictures of the happy, sunny Asher we all know and love. Because he will be again.

Kristen said...

AUGH. So sorry.

Yes, I do have some Xanax sitting around, since I am preggers and can't take it. And I also have your address. Is that a felony?

And don't you have a serious hall pass from buying Christmas gifts this year? If not, I hereby grant you a hall pass from buying anyone a gift. There. Done.

Octamom said...

So sorry his recovery is involving a lot of discomfort and distress on his part--hoping they can give you some answers.

Blessings~

Kimberly said...

Oh honey. It's one thing to intellectually know this too will pass, it's a whole other thing to have your mind slow down enough you can accept it as well. Be gentle with yourself. Cards and gifts don't matter right now (However Amazon.com works great for Christmas shopping - pay online, they ship it wherever you like, and hallmark's smilebox e-cards are soooo quick and easy and free). Once Asher's medical issues are sorted you'll have the time you're craving to spend with Miles and Ryan.

And you'll appreciate it a kajillion times more than you would have otherwise. ~hugs~

charrette said...

Ummm...sure. But that's some strong stuff you're talking about. I took 1/4 of one once to ward of some performance anxiety...total nirvana. I can only imagine that taking a whole one would have knocked me out!

So sorry you're in this long, hard after math at such a stressful time of year. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't sent out a single Christmas card since Jeremiah was born ()9 years ago) and I mostly only shop online.

Miles probably needed to stay home as much as you forgot to take him. Kids feel stress too. A pajama day was probably good for everybody. Hang in there sweetie. I'll keep praying.

Melanie J said...

Oh, sending you lots of prayers!

Jessica said...

I am so sorry Heather! I can't imagine how hard that must be, or all of the emotions and stress . . . I will be praying for you!

pam said...

Prayers for you and Asher. And I highly recommend pharmaceutical help. I too haven't started shopping or Christmas cards, with no better excuse than a blogging addiction, and I think it's cute that you forgot to take Miles to school.
You have your priorities straight, Heather.

pam said...

Prayers for you and Asher. And I highly recommend pharmaceutical help. I too haven't started shopping or Christmas cards, with no better excuse than a blogging addiction, and I think it's cute that you forgot to take Miles to school.
You have your priorities straight, Heather.

Kara (Hanson) Kanis said...

Heather, I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my prayers. You have such faith and it is contagious - thank you for that. Take care and stay strong.

Eowyn said...

Days off of school are the best. My kids get one a month and they love it.

I'll be praying for you.

radioactive girl said...

I am thinking good thoughts for you. It must be really difficult to believe it will all be fine when things are so frustrating right now. I know it will turn out fine, and you know it too, but waiting until it is and living through the rough patch is the hard part. I am thinking of you! And really, if there is ever anything I can do to help, please let me know!

T and T Livesay said...

oh heather -- this is the suckiest suck that ever sucked ... i TRULY hope it ends soon.... crying is bad. very bad.

JCK said...

Sending good thoughts your way.

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