1/6/09

Decisionally Challenged

Posted on Tuesday, January 6, 2009

If you feel that you have a problem making decisions, I want you to know there is someone out there struggling with you. A kindred spirit of indecision.

He's my husband.

(I'm not talking about him behind his back. I'm talking about him behind my back. He's behind me as I type this, doing dishes. And I told him I would be doing this post. So it's all good, I'm allowed to talk about his indecisiveness.)

Ryan's inability to make decisions is no secret. Just ask anyone who has ever gone out to eat with him. They will tell you they waited an extra ten to twenty minutes to order because Ryan kept changing his mind.

Yes, I'm a patient woman. Sometimes.

Ryan confesses that he spends far too long even in candy aisles, stressing and struggling over which candy bar to get. (Yes, it's that bad.)

I try to encourage him, begging for him to leave the gas station and get back in the car. I remind him that a decision between a Snickers and a Reese's is not life changing. He still stands there with his hands in his pockets, pacing back and forth. So then I tell him that I'm going to leave him there if he doesn't hurry up and decide. That usually works. But then once we're back in the car (finally), he always has buyer's remorse, longing for the other candy bar.

You should hear our conversations when trying to decide what movie to see. Yow.

Ryan and I are both in good humor about this. (Most of the time.) But I often wonder how my dear husband ever asked me to marry him, and furthermore, how in the world did he make it through our wedding ceremony? I wonder what might have happened if he was hit with a candy bar kind of indecision at the moment he was to say "I do." Might he have screamed, "No wait! I don't!" Or would he have stopped short in the midst of his vows, pointing randomly into the crowd yelling, "NO wait, I'll take that one!" Leaving his cousin Jenny baffled and humiliated while everyone turned to stare. That would have been interesting.

That's not how it happened though. He said "I do." I'm sure sometimes he has buyer's remorse, but I'm not returnable. Sure, maybe some day he'll want to trade me in for something new and fresh, but by then I'll have increased in value so much it won't be worth it. I'll be like the 100 Grand of wives. And he'll be my Nut Roll.

48 clicked right here to comment:

Kimberly said...

I have a similar affliction. Fortunately it spares me when deciding what blogs to give my time to. That's an easy one, that is.

I've missed you!

LisAway said...

Oh, that is just how Evie will end up. She ALWAYS changes her mind after she spends 5 minutes making an unimportant decision. It's almost like it hurts her to choose one over the other.

"Oh wait! No, I don't!" :) Glad that didn't happen. At least we all know he got the most important decision right with now wavering! And is that you guys? Great shot. I love the pose. Or maybe not pose, really but what you're doing in that picture. If it's you. Very meaningful.

sara said...

I laughed out loud on this one because that is ME. And deciding where we are going out to dinner is the worst!! for my husband anyways! I have to say that I don't take it to the extreme of buyers remorse over a candy bar.....oh wait a minute, I do!

great post!

Kristina P. said...

Dangit, I'm 4th!!!

And my husband is the same way. I get irritated sometimes that he can't even pick where we should go and eat.

MidnightCafe said...

I'm sort of like that...though typically without the remorse. I just take a long time to decide. Once I've decided, though, I've decided. You could ask Mango about this, but I think it's gotten better over time. I've learned to be a bit more spontaneous...sometimes with regrets, but not usually.

Brooks said...

My husby is the same way. It irritates me and makes me want to scream alot! But I just calmly let him be him and love him for it!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I just had another "You and I are a lot alike" kind of moment. When we're at a restaurant, I always have to instruct the waitstaff to not even offer that "would you like another moment to decide?" question. My husband needs the immediacy of a deadline to force a decision. Otherwise the result would be indefinitely unsatisfied hunger and a way overpriced babysitter bill.

Lisa said...

At least he will never be able to decide on someone new to leave you. Haha-j/k - I know he never would. You are a great woman to be so patient! Love your blog.

Growin' with it! said...

i don't know, should i comment, or should i not comment? ☺

Kate Coveny Hood said...

That's cute (annoying - but cute). My husband doesn't drive me crazy with indecision - but he does drive me crazy with the need for "options." We'll decide to go to one restaurant, but then he'll immediately say "OR..." Now it's just a joke we have. And it's not like we ever go out to dinner anymore anyway!

Jillene said...

I LOVE the last two lines--hahahahahahahahaha!!

Sara@ Butterville said...

I'm with Linda...comment or not. I will however laugh...*snort*
Nut Roll!

Brooke said...

Funny post. I thought I was indecisive. I can ALWAYS decide what candy bar to get. If I can't I just get two (one for me and one for hubby - I just don't tell him I have two), then eat them both.

Kazzy said...

LOL My hubby is the same way at a restaurant, or even deciding if he wants breakfast or not.

I am sure Ryan has never had one minute of buyer's remorse with such a gem as you! And I love the Nut Roll comment! Heeelarious!

CC said...

Good luck being patient with that. It would drive me nuts!

and NO you are not returnable! ;)

Jamie @ Purposeful Pursuit said...

Too funny! The nut roll line cracked me up.

I can be this way at times too. It took me forever to choose a paint color for my kitchen.

Becky said...

Nut Roll! Hee, hee!!

Adam and I have banned the words "are you sure?" from our vocabulary. Now when we make a decision, we have to mean it, because we take each other at face value. It has really solved a lot of our decision-making issues (and we had a lot of em'!).

Cynthia said...

I was laughing out loud at the 'I'm not returnable' comment. You are so hillarious.

Stonefox (otherwise known as Heidi) said...

Heather, all I've got to say is that this just proves he is absolutely head over heels, crazy about you. I mean, marriage? When choosing a candy bar is so difficult? Wow. You must be some kind of woman.

Blessed said...

Your husband and my husband must be related... I on the other hand am probably too decisive! But I figure someone has to be able to make a decision around this house otherwise we'd still be trying to figure out what color to paint the shutters, 7 years later!

Jessica said...

Ah, poor Ryan! And poor you! I happen to be like Ryan and um, well, let's just say that my husband did have to wonder if I was going to change my mind at the alter! yeah, it was bad! but of course I made the right choice!

Mama2hre said...

Hi! I found you through Life in the
Parsonage. I'm so glad I did. This is too funny! 100 Grand wife and a nut roll. Wow! What a picture for the 50 wedding anniversary! :)

Tooj said...

I wish the decision between a Snickers and Reese's wasn't life threatening! Darn peanut allergy...it's like asking "die in TWO minutes, or die in THREE?" LOL Not funny, I know. But I have to laugh at it or else I'll go nutty. ;) Husband might be indecisive, but he's not CRAZY. He knows a steal of a deal!

Beck said...

I'm the one who can't decide anything at our house. I'm always looking at menus and asking my husband "WHAT DO I LIKE?" since I haven't been myself for my whole life or SOMETHING.
xo

Keyona said...

Girlfriend you got your hands full! :o)

BTW, I left you a little something over at my blog...check it out.

happygeek said...

Oh funny.
The opposite is just as entertaining.
The kind that orders the same thing in a restaurant EVERY SINGLE TIME and cannot figure out why one would even want to see a menu.
What would we do without our men?

K and/or K said...

Is he a Libra by chance?

I loved your wedding. It was so perfect!

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Oh my gosh, so me. Seriously. I'm all over the place. There are days when I want what I want NOW and there are other days I can't make up my mind and can't fight my way out of a paper bag. No joke.

Debbie said...

I think making decisions that impact other people is very difficult. Like restaurants. I'm right there with your husband.

Betty said...

I love all your posts but this is by far my fave!! Indecisiveness is a pet peeve of mine so, you are a good woman, Heather! I love the analogy at the end, you are so witty!

Ron said...

I was going to post a comment but couldnt decide what to say, so I guess I wont .. but ..

Mommy Madness said...

Great post! Decisions, decisions, decision! I know the feeling. It's so hard to choose when there are so many good things to choose from.☺

pam said...

So nice to know I'm not alone with the "honey could you please make a decision" issue! I think part of it is that moms must multitask constantly, so we have to make quick decisions and keep going. Most dads. . . not so much.
But you must be something special, for him to make the BIG decision to live his life with you.

Rach@In His Hands said...

Ha! Seriously funny. My brother-in-law is exactly like that....ponders and contemplates every single decision to death - both big and small!

I'm not surprised Ryan had no hesitation marrying you...you seem like such a fantastic person. I'm happy to have found you!

~Rachel

3 Bay B Chicks said...

I fear that I may be the Ryan in our marriage. My solution is simply to turn to my husband and say, you decide. It takes the guess work out of everything. Perhaps Ryan could do the same...not sure what candy bar to buy...well, let Heather decide for you. :)

-Francesca

Tracey said...

I cannot imagine. I have a husband with TOO Many ideas. He is constantly flitting from one FABULOUS plan to another FABULOUS plan, leaving me floudering about, trying to figure out what just happened.

It sounds like it's the UNimportant things that are hard for him to decide on. But marriage probably was a surefire good idea, and made it easy!

Kim said...

Oh my Heather, you have me laughing so hard this morning. Absolutely fabulous.
We are all "blessed" with husbands with different ailments. Yours is indecisive, mine is a little anally ocd ;) We love them, and it's a good thing!

Izzy 'N Emmy said...

I couldn't agree more! You have described my hubby in such detail!!!

Heidi Ashworth said...

My hubby is getting more and more that way. I just tell him to buy both candy bars. However, unlike what most people might think about Mormons, two wives are not an option. He is stuck with me. I like your take on it what with your value going up. (darling post!)

Sabrina said...

You guys compliment each other. It's fun to see you guys interact! He made a darn good choice in choosing you! :)

Melanie J said...

I like how you said your value will have increased. If we all had a healthier attitude toward the great things that come with aging, that's how we'd see it.

Jami said...

Oh my poor husband. (Yours too!) It must be such an affliction to never know which choice to pick. And he never does. I have learned to protest when he orders something that he won't like, because he always talks me into swapping with him. Otherwise I just stick it out with him. He puts up with all my imperfections after all.

avtcoach said...

Oh Ryan, do you know my Mike? He too has trouble choosing from the menu, he too changes his mind. Sometimes I'll call ahead before I get home and tell him, I'm going by sonic do you want something. He says no, then when I get home, he says, oh, I should have got something. Well, now I just get him something and take it home without asking, he always drinks it and loves it...so after 27 year of marriage, you might consider occasionally getting the candy bar for him :):) or go ahead Ryan, it's only a dollar more...buy two!
Thanks for a very fun post at Ryan's expense...Good Sport!

Rebecca said...

My husband doesn't have that problem, my sister does. I sometimes have to force her to make a decision. It's getting a little better now that she has a husband who makes her and a baby too!

katy (aka funny girl) said...

Sounds EXACTLY like my hubs. I feel ya, sister.

Less Toil Traci said...

I love, love, love, this post. Good thing I married someone who is a decision maker or I would be in trouble. I can't make any kind of decision on my own. What's up with that? I have issues.

minnesotamom said...

My husband has a similar affliction, but it is reserved for small decisions only. Sell a house--sure! Buy a new vehicle--okay! Make a choice off the restaurant menu--umm...err...uuuuuh......

It's rather odd. But I'm a very decisive person in most regards, so maybe it just seems odd to me.

charrette said...

Even those of us who are decisionally challenged have those rare lucid moments when we know something -- or someone -- is totally right for us.

I'm so glad Ryan didn't hesitate. You are way too wonderful to pass up, or even deliberate.

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