1/26/09

He's the guy

Posted on Monday~January 25, 2009

I have a confession to make.

Sometimes I am VERY VERY mad at my husband for working.

What? It pays the bills, you say? And I get to stay at home with my two favorite small people because of that whole income thing?

Yes. I suppose that's true. But if you're a part of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Husbands (or if your husband is gone a lot for any reason) you'll totally understand my irrationality. Sleep deprivation, tantrums, poop and vomit, making meals and over-loads of laundry all while flying solo will sometimes make a girl totally irrational. Go figure.

But today I'm not mad at my husband for working. (I have my mature days here and there.)

Ryan was home for all of Saturday and Sunday (yeah, TWO whole days) and he didn't leave until like 5:30 this morning. He'll be gone until Friday, but I'm still not mad.

You want to know why? I've been thinking of all the good things and that helps.

He's the guy that spends the whole weekend playing crazy-get-the-wiggles-out games with Miles and Asher. He's the guy that takes the dog for a run even though it's -10 degrees outside. He's the guy that collects all the garbage and brings it out to the curb every Sunday night so I won't have to do it. He's the guy that has to miss his family and sit alone in hotel rooms, trying to think of something to do with his evenings (yes, sometimes I resent that part, but I'm sure it gets old.) He's the guy that calls just to hear our voices and busts up laughing at the way Asher says, "Hiiiii" with some kind of southern drawl. He's the guy with the sense of humor that puts things in perspective. He's the guy that takes the boys on adventures so I can blog have a break. He's the guy that wants to spend quality time with me when the boys are in bed, even though I'm acting all weird because I can't figure out how to adjust to him being home again. And then he puts up with me crying on his shoulder when it's time for him to catch a flight.

He's the guy that spent most of last night in bed with a sick little Miles, rubbing his back, trying to calm him until they both fell asleep, even though he had a 7:00 a.m. flight. Yeah, he's that guy.

This traveling thing isn't easy for any of us. That's the truth. I like to pretend that I'm the martyr here, that I'm suffering more exhaustion, and I need a break more than he does. But that's just silly.

It's hard for him too. Cause he's that guy. The good guy that gives selflessly when he's at home and when he's away.

So no, I'm not mad today. Maybe I'm growing up a little bit after all.

(Let's face it, I'll probably be mad again by Wednesday-I'm working on it.)

47 clicked right here to comment:

Kristina P. said...

Heather, we don't have kids, but I totally get it. Adam is out of town A LOT, but he's so great when he's here.

He actually made more money than me last year, which is the first time in our marriage, and he was so proud.

Growin' with it! said...

i seriously do NOT know how you wives do it. i'm such a baby when my hubster's gone! cheers to you for being a great "single mom" now and then and for being grateful for your man!

Becky said...

Well, I think you're amazing! The both of you. I whine if Adam will be home an hour late.

Hang in there.

Lara said...

My husband had to go out of town this weekend. Gone for four days. I was mad at him for doing his job. I get it.

I'm glad you're growing up. Maybe I will someday, too.

Kim said...

This line: (Let's face it, I'll probably be mad again by Wednesday-I'm working on it.) got me. So honest, and so true in my life too. It is amazing they still love us right?

Jillene said...

I am mad ay my hubby all of the time for doing his job. He works 12 (o.k. let's be realistic here--it's more like 14-16) hour shifts. He does have 4 days off one week and 3 days off the other BUT when he is on is 5 days straight--which means that he leaves at 7:15 a.m. and gets home between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m.--I am at my wits end!!

Jillene said...

But he is "that guy" too so I am very lucky!!

Sabrina said...

That must be hard. And you are blessed to have Ryan. :)

I can't wait to be fake ryan this week! :)
we will have fun fun fun!

That Girl in Brazil said...

My guy is "that guy" too - although he doesn't travel to work, I still only see him a dozen hours a week - total. He's gone from 7:30 to 7:30, eats dinner, and takes off to do church stuff. (He's the bishop.) Saturday and Sundays are bishop days, with maybe a few family hours in between. (Maybe.)

But when I get too depressed about it, I remember that it's WAY harder for HIM. Thank goodness they're such amazing guys, eh?

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

That's rough. I have always thought that God gives a sepcial kind of grace to wives of traveling husbands.
We are busy and some weeks I feel like a single mom as Dave attneds meetings at church and works hard at home after work, but the truth is - I see him alot more than most wives get to see their husbands. He usually just works the typical 40 hour week at his job.
Thanks for helping me put some things into perspective. :)

Nina said...

That was so sweet.... I know that has to be so hard. I don't have the extent of travel but my husband went to France for work once for an entire month. We didn't see him for 4 weeks. It was hard on everyone. I hated every moment of it. My husband is also the guy who loves to work late... so often times he shows up around 7 in the evening just in time for dinner. I do get really mad that he is married to his job more than his family. So I get your frustration also....

Amber@theRunaMuck said...

Oh, babe, I struggle here, and you are sooo right. Having Seth home is so good that when he's not here, the hard stuff is magnified. I am worse than any toddler when it comes to my attitude toward Seth's hours.

Yeppers, I'm the one who actually received the mother letters. Who am I kidding? Sometimes that sneaky snake is whispering in our ears before we even knew he slithered in. The mature days for me are the ones I'm discerning between what is the true and what is a lie.

Man, that was long. Good stuff.

Tooj said...

:) Just think...you gave him some good reading material for while he's away - he can read about how wonderful he is. AND...that you only be made except for half the week. SCORE.
(Can you find my husband the type of job that takes him away? I'm thinking I would like it since I'm so bossy and like being in charge without sharing that duty. LOL)

NorahS said...

He sounds like a great guy. I'm lucky to be married to one, too. We have also done the traveling/wierd schedules, and it is hard, especially with littles.

Ron said...

I can empathize .. I used to work on the road about 6 months out of the year .. when my girls were younger .. I used to back out of the driveway with my three little girls standing in the door, crying, as daddy drives away .. rips your heart out, but knowing, without the travel, the house goes away, the clothes go away, the cars go away, the meals go away .. sigh .. growing up does have some sucky moments ..

but then there is the coming home celebration .. and the voice on the phone mid week .. and the working so much overtime because you aren't home that you can take off a month and catch-up

Erin said...

That must be so hard! He does sound like a great father and husband. Good luck Heather!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I get angry that my husband works too, and he doesn't even travel that often. It sounds like you both have to work pretty hard.

Kazzy said...

Yes, who can find a virtuous man? His price is far above rubies. Lucky women, aren't we, to have good husbands? Sorry he has to be gone often. That must be hard.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I do this too, though it's hard to determine who I'm really mad at... maybe just life circumstances... so I have to be careful I don't come across as mad at God (NOT implying you are, just acknowledging my own weakness in this area). If you ever need a mid-week break, you've got my email and my empathy. :)

Less Toil Traci said...

You are amazing. I hope Miles gets better soon and no one else gets whatever he has. Hang in there, girl. I will be thinking of you this week!

Rach@In His Hands said...

We don't have kids yet, but I get a bit of what you're saying. Josh is constantly at church meetings, out of town at conferences, or visiting parishioners....we're left with very little time together. He plans on adjusting things once our baby arrives, but it still won't be as much as we'd like. We try to make the best of every moment together. I'm sure you do, too!
In the meantime - you go girl! And don't feel bad about getting upset sometimes!

♥georgie♥ said...

what a sweet post...i almost feel bad for wishing not sawyer traveled...
Hope Miles gets better...being sick is no fun

Rebecca said...

How sweet this post is. It's easy to get caught up in "the grass is always greener", but I love how you're handling it.

It is so much easier to envy James for being able to talk to grownups and get praised for good work, but then again I don't envy his super-stressed days or dealing with people when things go wrong. I'd rather put up with Lion in a tantrum than do that.

Abra said...

That would be so hard! I've been flying solo since the beginning of the month and it is not easy!
You are great keep up the awesome job!

Izzy 'N Emmy said...

Well said! My husband doesn't travel, but there are days where I feel the same way. Again, a great post!

charrette said...

Mine doesn't travel much. He just comes home at 3am. or later. And I can identify with every word of this post. They are great guys. They miss us, they feel guilty being away. And it doesn't help to come home to an angry resentful wife. I have to rein myself in all. the. time.

Love that you're not mad today, and that you're working so hard to see all the pluses. Me too. I hope you glass continues to stay half-full.

xo

Annette Lyon said...

You so have a keeper.

Jenn said...

Thanks for helping me see that I often take my husband for granted! He is home every night even if it is late sometimes!

sara said...

it's always good to look at the "good things"..brings a whole new perspective! I wish I could remember that more when I get mad that my husband is gone b/c of another church mtg or b/c someone in the congregation needs him!

Melanie J said...

My husband NEVER has to travel for work and I get stressed if he's twenty minutes late coming home.

You're my hero.

Heidi Ashworth said...

That adjustment thing is seriously hard! My husband is home a lot--he's a "lazy bum" school teacher and all that--and he has quite a bit of vacation time (notice, I am not complaining, just explaining) and I kind of flip out before every Christmas, summer, Easter and Thanksgiving vacation. The whole world will change for those days, weeks, and months that he will be home. Even though I am so looking forward to it, he's just one more person whose wishes and desires I will have to take into account. I hate that I act like a total bridezilla (I never entirely got over it) whenever vacation time looms but, so far, it can't be helped. I can't even imagine how you begin to cope--CAN'T EVEN! You rock!

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Your are speaking my language, my friend. My hubby works a lot. It is cyclical, but when it is busy, it is REALLY busy. Take now, for instance. Hubby will be tied up with work until the end of February, which by my calculation is still over a month from now. It ain't easy, that is for sure. Sometimes, though, it helps to know that there are others in the universe who deal with a similar situation, in very much the same immature way at times.

-Francesca

CC said...

I would hate to have a traveling husband. But it would be nice to have a husband that made some money... And who wasn't chronically ill so that when I come home from work I can have a break too :( :(

Your husband does sound awesome though. Come back soon!

MoziEsmé said...

Great confession here! There are some days I would so love to be able to walk out the door and leave the chaos behind. I've been so jealous of my husband.

I've worked full time from home, and while that was what I wanted while I was pregnant with Esme, I've hated it. I always feel behind and never feel like I'm giving enough attention to either my job or my baby. But I do love being with my baby, so I really wouldn't change things too much.

Jessica said...

This is such a sweet tribute to your husband. Seriously, I don't know how you do it. I would be out of my mind. That is just so hard. Any mother would understand being mad sometimes.

Octamom said...

M has done his fair share of traveling too and it's tough on both of us as well--but I am also thankful for his willingness to work so hard for us and the fun and adventures he loves to take the kids on!

Love this loving post to an awesome guy!

Blessings!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

This is the only way that marriages survive children. You HAVE to focus on the good because there are always going to be plenty of opportunities to be negative.

Kimberly said...

I get mad if Neil stays late to do paperwork, feeling all woebegone and hard done by and stuff.

You? Are amazing. Truly.

a Tonggu Momma said...

I really struggle when the husband travels. It used to be much more often (like, at least a week once a month), but now it's less. Still, he works long hours (about 60-70 a week). It gets tiring. You are amazing - you have the attitude to which I aspire.

minnesotamom said...

Thanks for being so honest, Heather. I think this post filled me with gratitude that I don't have to function as a "single parent" very often.

pam said...

Bless you, for admiting how angry it makes you--I get that way even though my husband doesn't travel so much--and for finding the wonderful qualities he brings home.
You're a good model to follow.

Jami said...

I get this. My man works graveyard shift and is always sleeping when I'm awake. I am caught between irritation that he can't play with us and gratitude that he toils so diligently even when he would rather play, even when it's miserable to stay awake.

They're the good guys. So good we just miss having them around. And a little bit of grump honestly translates into "I miss you, Sweetheart."

radioactive girl said...

YES! I completely understand this. I feel the exact same way. Both the resentful of him being gone all the time and the thankfulness and sadness for him that he has to do it. This whole working with a family of small kids is just not fun/easy for anyone, is it?

Lori said...

I love your blog! And I love this post! You're great with words! Yes, what a beautiful tribute to your husband. Often I feel the same way. It gets way hard, but if I focus on the good - I realize how amazingly unselfish my husband is with his time when he IS home! And it motivates me to be (or keep being) unselfish.

Lori said...

By the way, I think you're amazing for doing it with your husband gone that much!! I've always admired women who can do it. My husbands gone a lot with school and work, but he doesn't travel.

LisAway said...

Oh, Heather, I do not envy you! I am sorry that you all have such a difficult way of life (it's late and i don't really mean "way of life" but I can't think, and you know what I mean) And I really admire you for finding the good in such an obviously rotten husband. JUST KIDDING! Good thing he's such a great guy or it really might get to be too much.

Peanut said...

Well, it's Wednesday now... how are you holding up?

I admire you for your attitude and ability to cope with Ryan away during the week. My hubby works long hours (which I often resent even though, yes, it pays the bills), but I can't imagine how hard it would be if I didn't have him home every night. I take off to my dad's every time hubby has to be away more than overnight.

Good for you to be able to set aside your frustration and see all the good he does.

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