1/24/09

I want my Guggy

Posted on Saturday~January 24, 2009

Asher and Miles both have a little blankie of sorts that they sleep with and need when they're sad or hurt. I believe the experts call them "transitional objects." We call them Guggies. This started because Ryan and I called Miles' blanket a Snuggly, and when he started to talk it came out "Guggy" and it stuck. Now Asher has a Guggy too.

Both of our boys are pretty much total Guggy addicts.

We parents spend a lot of time making sure that these small comforts are available, searching before bedtime and car trips, throwing the Guggies in the diaper bag, making sure they're available to be the good friends that they are if needed.

The other night before bed, I walked around with Asher for a long while, looking under furniture and in piles of laundry, under toys and even in the cupboards.

No Guggy.

Even though he doesn't say much yet, I could see the concern in Asher's little face, the question in his eyes as he looked at me, pointing and grunting, asking for help.

I know what you want, Sweetie.

We finally gave up then. I had a sinking feeling, thinking that bedtime would not go well. But Asher was tired and I needed to give it a try, Guggy-less or not.

I stood next to his crib, like I do every night, holding Asher and singing a little song I made up for him when he was a newborn, a song I would sing loud and proud over the cries of his colic...

"There you go with my heart, baby. There you go with my heart. I should have known from the start, baby. That there you'd go with my heart. And when you sleep baby, your peace takes my heart. There you go with my heart, baby. There you go with my heart..."

I set him down carefully and tip-toed off to continue the Guggy search, sure that Asher would start crying as soon as I closed his door.

But he didn't.

I continued my search anyway, and a few minutes later I found the Guggy buried under the blankets and between the sheets of Miles' bed. These are the things that keep me going, I realized. Small moments here and there of triumph. My heart smiled, knowing that Asher would be comforted, happy to have his little friend for the night.

I slipped back into his room, as quietly as possible, hoping that his surprising silence meant that he was sound asleep.

He was awake. He had been waiting. He had positioned himself in my favorite way, knees tucked under him and butt in the air. But he also had one tiny hand held up in the dark, reaching out, expecting me and my comforting little gift.

I want to be more like Asher.

Trusting, peaceful, expectant, hopeful...

Instead of worrying and fretting, pacing and crying, I'd like to rest my weary head and reach my hand up in the dark, knowing that I'll get the comfort I need if I quietly wait.

But instead, I have a grown-up tendency to stand in heaps of laundry I've buried myself in, completely at a loss for how to find my "Guggy." I walk in circles, searching and getting all panicky. I try other ways of finding comfort, silly old habits, distractions I think will bring me relief. I try everything besides bowing down, my hand in the air, expectant and ready for a true comfort that will surely come if I would just be still and ask. Even if it comes out as a grunt, or if all I can do is point, that doesn't matter. I just need to ask with a heart settling in hope.

"I know what you want, Sweetie."

I want to be more like Asher.



40 clicked right here to comment:

BaronessBlack said...

So lovely! I think we all need that comfort sometimes.
By the way - you're tagged!

Kristina P. said...

If you buy yourself a Snuggie, you can have your very own Guggy!!

Lara said...

My girls all love their blankets, too. It's horrible when they are lost. Horrible.

I love how sweet Asher is...I want to be more like that, too.

Lauren said...

I loose my spiritual guggy so often and don't wait patiently either. What a lesson from sweeet little Asher.
p.s. I feel lame to be excited about my ghetto blog when yours is all fancy. You're a blog genius. I'm happy about my babysteps though:)

minnesotamom said...

Totally. Great post, Heather.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Oh, so very sweet. You twisted this middle aged mom's heart in a knot! In a good way!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

You know what I like about you Heather? You take simple life moments and let yourself be taught by them. It's what I strive for, and what you do so well.

Tracey said...

I want to be like Asher, too...

Debbie said...

How do you do this? How do you write with the soul of a poet? This was phenomenal.
And you do have that sense that you will get the comfort you need - look how you kept your cool, took care of your son, and then found his blanket but weren't that surprised. You just knew you would so you could meet his needs.
And that song is great!

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

I agree with Steph, that's what I like about you too. Only, I adore you. And I don't want to be like Asher, I want to be like his momma..

Kim said...

This is so beautiful Heather. It is so true too. We so often look everywhere else but the One true source of comfort and peace. Thank you for this gentle reminder.

RosyRose said...

Excellent idea...the faith of a child right?! I love it! You do such a good job! Never quit writing!

Elizabeth said...

The song you sing Asher is precious, and it's true. A piece of us is gone forever when we have a baby.

I want to be more like Asher too, waiting expectantly, resting in what I know is true. I think that will be difficult for me this week as we wait on some answers. But like you said, my heart must be settled in hope. And hopefully it will be.

Jenna said...

that is so sweet. beautifully written. thank you. :)

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

So fine, make me cry at 9:00 in the morning. It's not like I have three kids to feed, dress, and care for. :)I have time to sit donw and cry for a while.

Seriously, that was such a heart stirring post. Loved it!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I know exactly how you feel. I miss that innocent notion that the universe would work everything out for me.

The Thompson's said...

Great story. Both of our kids called them rubbies. Well our two year old still does and would go to bed without it, I think. But I would never do that to him. And yes he expects it the same way and will remind you if you forget. I can say that I have never forgotten, but there have been times where it took me a few moments to find one and so he was asking. For us they are just burp clothes, well soft cloth diapers that were used as burp cloths when they were babies.

Love and Prayers,

Tim

Cynthia said...

It's amazing how they teach us in such simple ways.

As a kid my blanket was my Gungu. My sister's kids are addicted to their little blankies too but I can't remember what they call it.

How is Asher doing? Is the shunt still in? I know it's been wonderful for you not to have to worry so much about his health so I hesitated to ask but I hope everything is moving forward fabulously for him.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Every word of this was simply exquisite! I can see him so clearly, his little face, his outstretched hand--that bum in the air--love it!

Homesteading said...

Love it. I felt a little teary by the end. I'm a sap like that.

Jeff and Valerie Carr said...

my oldest son brought a stuffed monkey with him everywhere and it made it's way to our post in Spain, but the second week we had a fire on our balcony and the monkey ended up in ashes because it had been left out after an afternoon of playing.....I still keep waiting for him to realize it's gone. We'll find comfort some how, some way

Jeff and Valerie Carr said...

my oldest son brought a stuffed monkey with him everywhere and it made it's way to our post in Spain, but the second week we had a fire on our balcony and the monkey ended up in ashes because it had been left out after an afternoon of playing.....I still keep waiting for him to realize it's gone. We'll find comfort some how, some way

Kimberly said...

Why am I always so stunned by the beauty of your posts? You think I'd be used to it by now. And the words to that lullaby are beyond lovely.

Jenn said...

Beautifully written! What an awesome picture you painted with your words!

Tooj said...

Indeed, I think we grown-ups should spend more time searching for this comfort and trust that Asher showed. Let me know you find it so that I may buy some. :)

Jami said...

Now you've made my screen go all blurry.

How do you make each post so exquisite?

Kazzy said...

Sweet stuff here. My boys all loved their blankies. Don't even get me started on what happened when I was packing up my oldest's sons things when he left for Africa and in the clothes, tucked away, was his blanket. Worn through with lots of love and hugs.

Daisy said...

what a sweet story! Both my "kids" still have their baby blankies. They're folded up in a closet, but the sweet threadbare blankies still exist. My kids? They're 17 and 22. Years, not months.

pam said...

Oh, I love the way you end this: "I know what you want, Sweetie." Trusting that our needs are known and our worries are not needed. If we could all be just like Asher.
Thank you for this.

joolee said...

Ummm, this totally needs to be submitted to a big time magazine!!! Awesome post!

Rebecca said...

Beautiful. Simple and beautiful.

This is one of the most poignant posts I've ever read.

Thank you for sharing.

Muthering Heights said...

What a SWEET post!

NorahS said...

Beautiful, beautiful post. There is nothing like the faith of a child.

Carrington said...

Great post- so beautiful. My daughter's guggy is her little baby, takes it everywhere, and has to have it to sleep.
Thanks for stopping by! Your blog's design is so well done, and beautiful! So nice to "meet" you!

Sabrina said...

That is a lovely analogy Heather!!!

Im looking forward to seeing you and the boys on thursday! :)

Carolyn said...

What beautiful post.

That Girl in Brazil said...

You truly do see the extraordinary in everyday ordinary.

(And my kids are "boo" addicts - a kid-talk version of the Portuguese word for blankie.)

Willow Tree said...

I needed this today! Oh if only I had the faith of a mustard seed... or of Asher. :o) This is one I want to print out and read over and over again. Well done my friend.

Blessings, Carolynn

MoziEsmé said...

I'm so glad you found the Guggy! Very sweet analogy. I'm afraid things don't go so well in this house - it's constant fuss no matter how much I tell Esme she'll get what she wants if she just gives me a little time to find it or take care of something else first. We're working on it, tho...

Peanut said...

I love that! What a beautiful expression of trust. No wonder Jesus said we have to come like a child.
I want to be like Asher too.

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