A Messy Work of Art

Posted on Monday-January 19, 2009

Some friends and I were working on a project, helping a church finish a banner to display in the hall. It had phrases on it like "Encourage each other" and "Listen to one another." These sentences were repeated over and over down this banner made of fabric. We were enjoying this particular project since it gave us the opportunity to talk as we tried to color inside the lines. Our kids were in childcare, and there was a lightness to each person there, having a little free time and some listening ears.

We put some big pieces of paper under the fabric so our markers wouldn't bleed through to the table (we have a lot of practice at thinking ahead and preparing for disasters, we're moms).

When we finished coloring the letters in, we carefully lifted the banner, pulling it off the table. We looked down to find that one of the clean, white sheets of disaster-preventing paper had a perfect sentence written across it. Where other pieces of paper had half phrases, letters, and words (and a mess of colors overlapping), this particular page was complete...

Be honest with one another.

Every letter of every word had bled through the fabric in the right order, even though the banner had been moving and sliding, all different hands working their colors to fill in the lines.

I took that piece of paper home and hung it up. I thought it was pretty amazing, this one sentence, standing alone in a mess of other words.

Be honest with one another.

I thought about how people are generally anything but truly honest. I'm not talking about affairs or money laundering. I'm talking about being real. We smile and laugh. We small talk about food, jobs, and trips. There's nothing wrong with small talk, it just reminds me of how careful we are.

We tip toe around each other a bit, afraid to tell the truth about our messes, in fear that we'll appear less than the next person.

Are people seeing my insecurities, my failings, my reality, my messes? If they were a fly on the wall at my house would I still appear so bright and happy? I'm sure her messes are not as big as mine. Look at her, she seems so...together. She probably doesn't struggle like I do....she's probably really disciplined. I bet her house is always clean too...

__________

I love to sit down and get to know the heart of a person, all of it's parts. The beautiful rhythmic beats it makes and even the darker murmurs in the most hidden corners. Sometimes it's hard for me to start relationships in the place where they normally start. I'll most likely never be good at small talk, and I used to get really frustrated at how getting to know someone many times felt so awkwardly slow and careful.

But I realized that we go through these motions at first because we've all been hurt. We've protected ourselves with masks and smiles because we've told our truths before and it's made someone else uncomfortable. Or maybe we've even gotten a negative response, the person we trusted reacting in a way that told us we're not good enough in their eyes. It makes sense that we quickly learn to be more careful.

Maybe this slow beginning of friendships is actually a beautiful thing. A kind of dance we do as we discern the kindred spirit in those we meet. It exists so we can learn to be careful with each other, rather than focusing only on protecting ourselves.

We need a time of learning to simply sit and listen. Like that banner morning at church, we can let someone say whatever it is they're ready to say while they fill in the letters with the details of their lives. Sooner or later their marker will slip, a mess will be made, and they'll look up to gauge our reaction.

I want my reaction to make people feel safe. I want to allow the messes because they come in such beautiful packages. They sit in the midst of good-intentioned lives just like mine and in the hearts of people just like me. So I want to pick up my own marker and start helping with the project, attempting to color inside the lines and making a mess of my own here and there. I want that person to know that their messes won't ever make me walk away.

In the end, we'll lift up our banners, the fabric of our lives, and find the hidden treasure underneath. If only we are honest with one another, finding the strength to allow for inevitable messes, and learning to trust. The treasure we are given is a work of art, a perfect combination of words and colors. It is friendship.

__________

"Every heart has so much history. It's my favorite place to start. Sit down awhile and share your narrative with me. I'm not afraid of who you are. I'm all here and you're all there. Some of this is unique and some of it we share. Let's add it up and start from there. It's all right here." - taken from Sara Groves song "All Right Here" written by Sara Groves and Nate Sabin, 2002