2/3/09

Have you seen my hat?

Posted on Tuesday~ February 3, 2009

I was all proud of myself this morning. Because I took a shower.

Miles was at school and I gave Asher a snack and turned on Clifford, thinking "I can do this, I'll just take a super fast only sort of get clean kind of shower" (the kind that leaves my hair less greasy but doesn't really mean the bottoms of my feet were scrubbed. That kind.).

I got out of the shower and rushed to get clothes, thinking about how quietly Asher was watching the Big Red Dog. I'm an idiot, so I was pleased by his silence.

I was in the shower for approximately three minutes and dressing for about thirty seconds. I kid you not.

And just yesterday my friend and I were talking about how much we love Curious George, even if he does get into all that trouble. We blamed the Man with the Yellow Hat for George's antics because anyone knows you shouldn't leave a monkey alone so much. Especially not to "watch over the store" or all alone in a country cabin. I mean, he IS a city monkey after all. He's sure to spill grape juice and then fill the place with water and suds trying to clean it up. (Don't ask WHY we were having this conversation. I simply do not know.)

But I digress...

My point? I AM THE MAN WITH THE YELLOW HAT.

I came walking back (and I was smiling because remember, I'm an idiot) to the living room, expecting to see Asher sitting with his pacifier and blanket, eyes on Clifford. But no...

He was paying no mind to that big red dog. He had taken my coffee from the end table (THAT I TOTALLY FORGOT WAS THERE WHEN I WENT TO TAKE A SHOWER), and his own cereal snack, and mixed them together. He had also opened my CLOSED LAPTOP (clicking over the little claspy thing and everything), and was taking his chubby little hand, dipping it in the coffee/cereal mixture and throwing it all over the keyboard. There were little puddles and splashes and pieces of raisin covering the computer.

"GEEEOOOOORGE!"

He grins at me.

Three minutes. Thirty seconds. Ryan is going to kill me.

And there sat our very own big red dog, cozy on the couch, watching the whole thing unfold, expressionless. I was repeating, "No, no no no no no you didn't.... NO NO NO....Asher, noooooo" and then I turned to the dog and scolded her too. "How could you let this happen???"

Her ears went back and she put on her pout. It was then that I remembered she couldn't have stopped the madness. She has no thumbs. How was she to grab the coffee cup?

She's just an animal.

I. Am the Man with the Yellow Hat.

63 clicked right here to comment:

Kristina P. said...

Wow. I must never let my husband read this. We will never have children. He barely wants ME on the laptop because he's afraid I'm going to gunk it up.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Oh my gosh! Total awfulness. It's so amazing the depth and breadth the damage our little ones can manage, isn't it? Scenerios no rational being can even conceive of, these little ones create.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Love it. You and I are twins, and our children are twins too. Is that possible? Probably not. But oh so very true! lol

This is one of those times where, despite the craziness, you will calm down, laugh, and be thankful for that mischief, right?

And the insurance on the laptop (I hope!?)

Annette Lyon said...

As I'm reading this, I'm gasping, "no, no, no!!!!!"

I've totally been the man in the yellow hat, though. Good luck finding a mom who hasn't. Like you said, it takes 3 1/2 minutes.

(I'm so dang lucky with my youngest--she's the most low-key, non-mischievous kid compared to her siblings at that age. Yay!!!)

Becky said...

Oh, dear. That'll teach you to ever take a shower again!!

But really, that stinks. I'm sorry. Did you scold Clifford, too?

Jillene said...

This has happened to me--several times. Just when you think it's safe to shower--it's not. We should make a movie!!

Sabrina said...

What a charming story. I know that your computer was almost detroyed... but it really is a cute story!

Lara said...

I hear you. Those kids can get into trouble faster than you can say "spilt milk." It's really rather unnerving actually.

And, I have your hat. You can come by and get it later.

charrette said...

Oh. My. Gosh. That is the first laugh-out-loud belly laugh of the day! Thank you! (And sorry about your laptop. But you MUST watch the opening scene of Mr. Bean's Holiday for a similar coffee/laptop incident. It might ease the pain.)

My motto when things like this occur (this might become a post sometime soon) is simply Choose To Be Amused.

Melanie J said...

I sympathy screamed, too. However, on this one I'm safe because my baby is obsessed with my lap top and I know never to leave it anywhere near his sneaky little fingers. However, I manage to constantly forget the toilet obssession and clean things out of it (Legos, shoes, etc.) on a regular basis.

The Three 22nds said...

your problem, Heather, is that you don't have a 5 year old goody too shoes to babysit. I tell that kid, "mommy is going to take a shower, keep an eye on Lincoln" and he is on him like ugly on an ape. If something happens that he can't "control" he runs into the bathroom shouting..."Lincoln is doing XYZ. I can't control him!" and then I can quickly get out and come to the rescue.

So just find a 5 year old to adopt. That will solve your problems. Or not...

Less Toil Traci said...

Hope your laptop is okay. Hope you're okay. I have thought the same thing about Curious George and the man with the yellow hat. Thanks for sharing. ;)

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Yup but I bet any other time you put him in front of the TV he is planted there not moving or blinking. Kids they sure do know how to keep you on your toes. So how is the lap top?

The Mom said...

OH NO! I know that feeling, and I still have to lock K in the bathroom with me so she doesn't open the front door and take off! One day soon we'll get our relaxing showers!

Willow Tree said...

Ah, Motherhood. The only unpaid job that is voluntairly taken to receive zero dollars for wearing hundreds of hats... including that big yellow one. Oh yes, we all have one. We try to shove it in the back of our closets, but it's definitely part of the collection.

I just saw on the Today Show this morning that if you get liquid spilled in your keyboard to unplug it, and turn it upside down on a terry cloth towel for 24 hours to dry. Tomorrow run a damp cloth over the keys to get the stickiness off.

There are somethings that are on a "Need To Know" basis. :o)

Blessings, Carolynn

Jessica said...

OH NO! that is totally something my kids would do! Was the laptop ok? loved the man in the yellow hat comparison!

♥georgie♥ said...

LOL...oh my...and I am here to say that no matter how old they are it doesnt change it just gets different...

pam said...

OH Heather! I laughed, I cried, I scolded the dog with you. Who knew getting a simple shower would get so complicated with little kids? It does get easier, I promise. And when you're on the other side, you'll be able to laugh and empathize with other moms going through the trenches. While you're huddling in a different trench.

NorahS said...

Don't hate me because I laughed at this post. He is a very smart child, going right for the GOOD stuff. And you do look good in that yellow hat!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

See? This is why I only shower when absolutely necessary, like before church. :)

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

I'm him too...my son is sitting in front of the tv drinking sugar out of the little dispenser while I read blogs...I should get an award or something.

Jenn said...

Oh my goodness! I love the creativeness of this post.

Really you should have known better- Man in the yellow hat! :)

Rach@In His Hands said...

Oops.

Thanks for the glimpse into my future life. ;-)

minnesotamom said...

No way. NO. WAY. I would be super-duper upset. Not so much at Anja, but...

I hope it the laptop can be fixed! And anyway, it made for a good story! And how handy that Carolynn has a tip for cleaning out wet keyboards, of all things!

messyfunmommylife said...

oh my gosh! You know how many times I have turned on Elmo and proceeded to take a shower! LOTS! Don't feel like an idiot. Motherhood is full of messy stressful stories. In twenty years this will be funny to you. promise

Heather of the EO said...

I do think the laptop will be okay. I hope. Thanks to Carolynn's comment I flipped it upside down on a towel. I'm telling myself it will be fine. Then maybe my husband won't kick me out.

Lisa, no...no insurance. I know. I know.

I hope ya'll are finding the humor, because I really am, I'm laughing with you so keep on a laughin'

wendy said...

I am laughing --cause I so remember those days. You are worried to leave them unattended for a moment --a mere moment - for things like a luxious shower, you get tired of plopping them all in front of you and having an audience for the shower. My kids are all grown now, and I hear their tales of "kid destruction on the mere moment escape" and I just have to laugh.

Growin' with it! said...

oh my gosh i remember those days. i think my pits and legs went days w/o being shaved. you are a hoot. and that lil monkey of yours is one clever fella. coffee & cereal..who knew!☺

Rebecca said...

Oh, no. I am so, so sorry! I hope he didn't consume any of the coffee...I'm sure a dose of caffeine for a young guy wouldn't help you much at all!

Jenny said...

My jaw is in my lap and I'm snorting.

Oh, how often I've been the man with the yellow hat.

Laughing, laughing. Thanks.

Hope your computer is ok.

LexiconLuvr said...

If you're a parent, You're The Man in the Yellow Hat. Just happens.
One of my worst "Yellow Hat Moments" was 2 dozen eggs in the carpet in less than 2 minutes. Eggs may come from a chicken butt but they're formed in the bowels of the devil...

Tooj said...

Oh, Yellow Hat "man"....LOL I'm sorry! I'm laughing, yes, but I AM sorry. :) My kid has to really dislike when I take showers because I leave the bathroom door open and every thirty seconds I'm hollaring "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! Is everything okay????? WHERE ARE YOU? Are you doing something BAD????" This is all yelled, really loudly because I can DO that...

Angie said...

I am roaring with laughter! "He has no thumbs. How was he going to grab the coffee cup?" You are hysterical!

Trust me, we've all had our Yellow Hat moments. :) Thanks for being willing to share yours. Hope the damage is minimal.

Debbie said...

I had purposefully forgotten that age! I am so sorry Heather. But at least Asher was OK.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Coloring on walls? Check. Pouring flour all over the kitchen floor? Check. Coloring on the laptop? No, thank goodness. My hat must just be blue... and the Monkey must be named the Tongginator rather than George.

Jami said...

OH NO. NO. NO. AHHHHHH! Oh the pain. You poor lady. Even moms have to shower though. Right? At least he didn't get to the suds and hose part of the entertainment. Right?

I'm so sorry. Maybe he won't hate you. Maybe he'll just be sad. Make his favorite food. Wear makeup and perfume. See if that line of behavior sweetens the bitter news a bit. I am so sorry.

Kim said...

We are all the Man with the Yellow Hat at times. But seriously, why didn't the dog stop him?? COME ON!

Boy Mom said...

One of those days that make you wonder why we chain and crate the thumb-less members of our families.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I think all moms do this... At least Asher chose FOOD to play with. I've seen worse...

Brooke said...

I'm so sorry! What a disaster! I hope the laptop will be okay. I've been in similar situations, which I try to block out. . .

Stonefox (otherwise known as Heidi) said...

OH! NO! I am screaming for you right now! I have been there, girl, but I know that doesn't help. I guess this means I wear a yellow hat too. But hey, we need showers, right?

Muthering Heights said...

AHAHAHA...that's hilarious!!!

Becca said...

oh man. That just sounds totally like something I would do.

MommyTime said...

I'm sorry to be laughing, but I am totally laughing. I know those days. In fact, I just came into the computer room to find that the not-sleeping toddler had thrown a hundred or more poker chips all around the room before finally going back to her bed to sleep. *sigh* The things they can do in three minutes are stunning.

Corinne said...

I am dying laughing right now! First because of all the talk about George and the MWTYH (Man with the Yellow Hat... LOL) and second because that is so something that would happen here!

The way I would look at it - at least you got your shower :)

Kimberly said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry to be muffling giggles while I read this. Becca threw Neil's laptop down the stairs while I was in the shower a few weeks ago.

I really hope Ryan's laptop is okay!

Alicia W. said...

I have also wondered that about the man in the yellow hat...hasn't he learned? How long has he had this monkey?

hope42day said...

I am sorry about your laptop. However, I was there, about 21 years ago, my oldest is that age now. Cherish ALL moments, cause in a blink, they will be taller, wiser and think they are smarter than you! Also, you will get all the baths you want, in peace and quiet, which sometimes is too peaceful. :) Enjoyed your post! Thanks for reviving some memories!

Motherboard said...

Oh man! I hate it when I try to have good hygiene. The kids get into WAY too much trouble.

Christi said...

The thing that drives me crazy about the Man with the Yellow Hat is that he always says "Now be a good little monkey" right before George gets into some kind of mess. I think he is asking for trouble.

It does get better. Before long, you feel ok with dozing off while they are awake.

Marivic_Little GrumpyAngel said...

I hate to say the man with the yellow hat sticks around for the teen-age years :-) And the mess those monkeys get into then! But you'll be okay. Your sense of humor is phenomenal, and that's the best coping mechanism.

The Thompson's said...

I hate to laugh at your expense, but that was a funny post because I have so been there. I mean not with coffee and the laptop, but other things. I would have probably blamed the dog too.

Love and Prayers,

Tim

S'dizzle said...

I don't scrub the bottoms of my feet and I can take as lengthy a shower as I wish.

I'm hoping the cereal and chubby hand absorbed much of the liquid before it soaked into the bowels of your laptop..good luck with it!

radioactive girl said...

I feel like I have told you these 2 stories before but just in case, so you don't think you are the only man in the yellow hat around:

1. When my twins were little, I left them alone for about 2 minutes while I showered. They were in a safe place (I thought) and then my 3 year old came in and said that "the babies have my tea set". I told her to take it away from them. She then said "I can't...there are too many pieces". Assuming she meant too many pieces as in too many tea cups, I got dressed in no huge hurry. When I came out and saw, I saw that her china tea set was in millions of pieces and also the tv glass had been bashed away at. We still have that tv in the basement and my kids now think it is hysterical that they did that. No one was hurt, everything was fine but seriously????

2. At naptime my twins (always the twins here...maybe in my house it took 2 to figure out rotten things to do) painted all over the walls with chapstick. Apparently I had left a few tubes of it on the nightstand and they both decided they didn't want to sleep that day. I actually laughed like crazy about that and if you ever need to know how to get the greasy mess off the wall, let me know.

CC said...

I had to GASP in horror at this post.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Amanda said...

My yellow hat moment:

I left Conner (my then 2 1/2 yr old) in front of the tv while I cleaned the tub. Took maybe 3 minutes. When I came out, Conner had emptied an entire BRAND NEW 2-quart family size container of syrup starting in our kitchen, thru the dining room, down the hallway, onto the living room rug, down the CARPET hallway, into the bedrooms WITH CARPET and was in the process of finishing off the syrup bottle ON TOP OF THE DOG!

I was 7 months pregnant and too fat to clean, but I mopped 7 times that day. The house smelt like maple for A FULL YEAR. It took TWO professional steam cleans to get rid of the rest.

Nice, eh?

Too bad I didn't blog that moment.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Holy helk! That's so not fair! My mom always said that when the kiddios were quiet, trouble was afoot. She was always right, too.

Jennifer said...

I feel your pain! I *finally* took a shower today--but it was after the "Krazy glue incident"!!

MoziEsmé said...

And the worst part is they don't mean to be naughty. They are just curious. So you can't give them a time out or anything while you vent and figure out how to deal with the situation...

We had a kitty litter sandbox playtime today - in the short period while I took clean laundry to the bedroom. I never even took time to fold it! At least it was just deadly germs being flung around and not an expensive laptop!

Nina said...

OMG... I would die. My youngest is a perfect George. You can't turn your back of two seconds.

The good news is my two dogs would have been cleaning the mess up but leaving their wet slober on everyhting. LOL....

Lisa said...

Kids are so stinkin' creative...and resourceful!

Lisa said...

Kids are so stinkin' creative...and resourceful!

Peanut said...

That is so funny! Did the laptop survive?
I keep thinking I can leave JJ alone for a minute... next thing I know KK has let him into some restricted area and he's having a blast, splashing away in the toilet or digging through the cat litter.
Lately I've been showering with him at my feet, then at least I know he's not getting into trouble (oh, and he's clean too)

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