3/2/09

Waxing theological. Sort of.

Posted on Monday~March 2, 2009

But Randi, what if I really don't want to post this one?

Randi at Is It Just Me? had this idea to have people use a random number generator to choose one of the drafts in their blog archive to finish and post. (I have no idea if that made sense, I'm sleep-deprived.) Anyhoo, I know I don't HAVE to play along, but I thought it was a great idea and I said that I would do it before I really took a good look at the draft that the stupid number generator chose for me. As you'll see, I'm struggling through thoughts in this post...and I think A LOT. (Please don't tell me to stop thinking so much, I've tried that and I can't. I'm a born ponderer.)

Here goes:

There are a million thoughts banging around in my head and heart. I've been thinking a lot about control in general. As we consider having another baby, I'm overwhelmed with these thoughts because I've learned in the last year and a half that I have no control.

The day we got the phone call that Asher would need surgery on his cute not-so-little noggin brain, something changed in me. At first I didn't know why he needed the surgery, the nurse that called rushed off the phone, so all the worst possible scenarios spun through my head. All of it gave me a new perspective on how we just never know...and no matter how unprepared we were, we were going to travel this this road with Asher and it would change us.

No, our marriage wasn't ready for it, Miles wasn't ready for it, and Asher certainly shouldn't have had to live in pain the way he did. But it happened and looking back on it, I honestly wouldn't change it (except for the pain for Asher part). I can see it for what it is, working our family into some kind of beautiful creation that never would have existed without it.

Is that how it should work with having children? I don't know. I'm thinking out loud. This isn't necessarily about birth control, because you can control birth with or without actual contraception. There are a lot of people who choose natural family planning and succeed at more or less choosing when to have a baby. (And others who have "accidents" (clears throat) -you know who you are-ones that will never be regretted in the long run.) There's still at least some level of control there if you plan really carefully, is my point.

My question is more about not being sure. I know my ovaries are talking to me, like my friend Peanut would say, but does that mean I should go ahead and have another baby? I don't know. It could be more selfish than anything, knowing that I can't say that I'd be all that sane, or even a good mother at all for a time. We just really don't have our ducks in a row right now, let me just say it that way. But will our ducks ever actually line up and follow suit? In this life, I highly doubt it.

So is it just the same as the thing with Asher? Even if it's not all that great of timing for many reasons and a baby came, would it be the best thing for everybody somewhere along the way even if things are a mess for a time? Would it be a trial in a sense that would shave off more of the ugliness in me, refining myself and my family in a way that needed to happen? After all, I don't think we'd ever regret more children once they're here.

So many times in my life I've wanted to wait until I was "ready" for something, but I never really am.

I'm a believer in a God that holds our lives in His hands. I understand that He and I can talk this over and I can get answers from the best possible place. But sometimes He says, "It'll be fine either way." Sometimes He just doesn't say yes or no, He says "I'll be there on the other side of the decision no matter what happens." And sometimes I don't like that answer. Because it means I have to learn not only to trust Him more, but to also trust myself more. And that's the hardest part.

So I'm opening up the comments so you can make this decision for us. KIDDING. I know no one can make a big decision for someone else. But I am interested in feedback. I mean, if you're someone who has a lot of kids and felt the way I do about your decision at times, what brings you peace in your choice? If you're someone who decided it's best not to bring another baby into the mix for your own reasons (financial, sanity, health...) what brings you peace? Do you ever regret it? And then there are those that have trouble conceiving or can't at all. Does that make you want to scream, "Just do it if you can, you freak! Are you insane?"

I hope I'm making sense. Like I said, I've just been thinking a lot. This is one of those things where there aren't really answers exactly. But there may be some good advice?

(BIG SIGH) I should have just written, "I want another baby. But I'm not sure that's a good idea right now. Now what?" I don't think "wait until you're sure" is a fair answer. There are very few things I'm absolutely sure of.

(This feels so weird because I never would have posted this if it weren't for Randi's game. But now I'm feeling like maybe there's a reason for it. Even if it simply helps someone else feel normal about their own indecision.)

Peace out.

53 clicked right here to comment:

JustRandi said...

Well, you're a brave woman. And not a welsher, either, even though I would have totally let you off the hook!

I agree with you about God being available to help and reassure us, and also about letting us make our own decisions much of the time. Even though I beg for - and receive - guidance sometimes, I think more often, the answer comes back to "Trust me. And trust yourself."

I think you can trust yourself, Heather, to prayerfully make these decisions.

Go with your gut. Your gut is usually more right than your head.
(At least that's true for me.)

Kristina P. said...

I'm glad you posted this! I love Randi's response!!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

"Even if it simply helps someone else feel normal about their own indecision." Yep. You read my post today. I'm looking forward to reading all the comments here.

Annette Lyon said...

I think family size is one of the hardest decisions to make, ever. I think there WAS a reason you needed to post this. So yay for Randi!

radioactive girl said...

I have 4 kids. My last baby was a surprise. I was beginning to think about having another baby, knowing that my husband didn't really want to. It was such a surprise and when I told my husband, he was THRILLED. Who wouldn't be happy about a baby???? (well, I mean a lot of people aren't, but my husband and I are not those people...we both LOVE kids and would never be sad about a new baby) My little man is the best thing in my life, as are all my kids. I would not change a thing about it.

I know that doesn't help you at all. Sorry! I also should tell you that I would love another baby even though it isn't even possible for me anymore. So my opinion may be a little skewed on this one. Good luck whatever you choose. Either way will be wonderful, you just need to figure out which path you want to take your life on.

LexiconLuvr said...

Sometimes He just doesn't say yes or no, He says "I'll be there on the other side of the decision no matter what happens." And sometimes I don't like that answer.

That's me. Right there.
I'm one of those fertility people having issues but let me assure you, I'm not screaming at you at all. I respect a person who thinks it through first. I'm from a big family and have asked myself many times if my mother should have had so many. I'd never give up my siblings but I would change my personal time with my parents in a heartbeat.
That said, I've pondered many times about our family size. I felt inspired to try for more kids even though I REALLY didn't want more--just to find out that I'm a bad hen. So I've thought about adoption--which is no little choice. And God and I have many lonely little talks about this and He gives me that same answer you listed above. So I'm a little frustrated with that convo.

I tell you all the time that you reach me on the most fundamental levels. You do. I can't believe another person out there speaks the language of my heart so well and isn't me. But I'm grateful to you, Heather. Just to know I'm not alone is a truly beautiful gift.

Growin' with it! said...

will that indecisiveness about the size of my family EVER go away? and yep, time will make that decision for me whether i want it to or not.

i've been in that time w/ God where things are oh so very quiet and so i know i need to wait and grow and i reallllllly don't like it. the circumstances stink, so of course he'd say yes to me "moving on"...right? i mean, after all...God wants me to be happy? *hope ya know i'm kidding here*.

ahh decisions. why do we get this liberty anyways?!!

Peanut said...

My husband thinks he has it all figured out: we have one of each, therefore we're done. I did in fact tell him recently that my ovaries had started talking. He responded by saying that he should get something permanent done to prevent more children and I had to choke back the tears. It's not that I necessarily want more children right now... our family feels pretty complete and I cannot IMAGINE adding more to my plate (especially today)... but what if one day we decide we want more? What if my ovaries start yelling?
So I don't know how to answer your question. I believe we only develop skills for that which we are having to deal with, not more... so another baby would always seem like more than we can deal with... but once here, we'd develop the coping skills. Did that make sense? I've had two hours of sleep after working all night and JJ is screaming at me because he's been "removed" from the room for pulling his sister's hair.... today, I'm ok with being done... Friday when I hold my newborn nephew for the first time, I might not be so sure!

Muthering Heights said...

*AHEM.* Coming from someone pregnant with her third child in three years, I would like to state that control is an illusion, and if God decides that you are to have another baby, you'll have one, birth control or not! LOL!!

Sara@i.Sass said...

You post really hit me today.
I got to snuggle on a newborn last week. Which stirred those desires. I never wanted my second. I was really happy just having Nina. Then I HAD Nick and now, well now you'd have to pry him away from my cold dead hands. HE was meant to be HERE in our family, be MY son. They are older now, would be helpful and curious over a new baby. Hubby is DEAD and I mean DEADset againest another one. He always says "I'm 41 Sara! I'm done. besides we can't afford it."
True. We really can't. each time we had a new baby it was TOUGH, money-wise. Often we went in the hole...but it seems to me this is more then a "ahh, I want a baby..." for me. I am seriously, with clarity remembering the sleepless nights and awful diapers and even the tired, nausea that came with pregnancy.
We are at a place now where diapers are a thing of the past, strollers gone. we are so ready to have Nick be able to strap himself in. and NOW I want to have another??? WHY?
Because my heart is saying things to me...
Heather I am as confused and distracted as you.
BUT I do believe that whatever choice you make you will NOT regret it. I also believe there is always a piece of a mother's heart that wants more children (thoughtwise) we were MADE for that. But it's all in what God has planned for us. If he's leaving it up to you to decide...I'm pretty sure he's saying "GO for it kiddo! I got your back. But hang on cause it's about to get all kinds of crazy up in here!"
If He meant NO. You'd KNOW that. and if He meant YES, you'd be pregnant right now.

CaJoh said...

Sometimes I think I need a push to get my drafts written— I may have to try it sometime when I'm not sure what to post.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I struggle every day to know what my heart wants for sure. We are happy with one, my family feels complete...but there are times that I wonder. Give it time the answer will come to you, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

Elizabeth said...

We're in the same spot, girlfriend. I'm trying to decide on a fourth, and I want the decision to be made so I can quit thinking about it.

I think it is one of those times that the Lord is just saying, "either way is fine with me." But I need some direction! I feel like I'm running out of time (and energy).

Erin said...

I loved Randi's comment, so I'll just say ditto to her.

We have two, and financially we probably "should" be done, but my ovaries are starting to whisper, and I think I'm going to listen!

Jenn said...

This can be such a hard decision. In our home it has always been me wanting more babies and my husband say we can't finacially afford any more. As of right now I am content with my 4! But, if God should bless me with another, well I would be amazingly grateful!

I understand how you are feeling though. The difference in your children's ages are the same as my first two. Then I waited a span of 3 years before I had my third. I'm glad I did. It gave me a little breather. I was able to enjoy the majority of the toddler years with my first two before boy #3 came along. Then I waited 5 years before my last, a little girl, was born. For me having a little space between them gave me a little more sanity! I don't know if this helps but, I thought I would just tell you my experience.

Keep praying, Heather, God will guide you.

a Tonggu Momma said...

As someone who became a momma through tons of planning, paperwork, approvals and a plane trip half-way around the world... no matter how much you plan for it, you are NEVER ready.

If God places the same desire on your heart and your husband's heart, then that's your answer. Otherwise, wait. I waited for years before the husband was ready. And now I have the Tongginator. And she is perfect for our family in every way.

Birthing a child gives you the illusion of control. Adoption strips all of that illusion away. You will have the child meant for your family, at the time God means for that child to be part of your family. And you can't control it.

Listen to Him, then go with it.

Sheryl said...

i am not commenting on anything within your post except to ask "do people really have drafts waiting to be posted?"

that is so foreign to me. am i the oddball?

K said...

I think about this every day Every. Day. I also pray about it. I ask doctors' opinions (pediatricians, neurosurgeons, you name it). My husband and I are giving ourselves this time to "think on it" right now. We'll see... I guess my only advice is sort of like what you wrote about never regretting a child once he or she is here, you're more likely to wish you had than wish you hadn't.

happygeek said...

I don't really have much wisdom. I do not want another baby. I know that puts me in the category of completely and utterly weird but I had two bouts of colic, ten months in total. I don't even really like babies. I used to. Not so much anymore. Don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE my kids but the thought of another baby (well, that's a whole series of posts.)
I am at total peace with just two and we had originally and always said we would have three or four. But I know for me, I would have PPD if I had to do colic one more time. I can't willingly put myself or my family through that. This is just me, it's so different for everyone.
This probably doesn't help much, but I'm not really good at the thoughtful.
Peace to you as you sort this through.

Kimberly said...

This really strikes a chord for me, as we're trying for our third now. It was a difficult decision, and we found that as we pondered and prayed about it, we received no answer. None. No feeling of caution. No feeling of peace. No answer at all. So we kind of shrugged and said, okay Heavenly Father, it's in your hands then.

We're not much for that sort of thinking. We believe in using the talents and smarts the Lord gave us, but it felt right to do that. And we're still not pregnant. And I'm sad, and I'm GRATEFUL. Because I understand what it feels like not to be given what you want immediately. I understand how the woman struggling with fertility issues feels now, and I'm glad of that understanding.

And I'm glad for this extra year with just my two girls. I still want another baby, I yearn for that, but like you're able to see what you learned through Asher's illness, I see what I've learned through this.

I'm just rambling now, guess what I'm saying is that He has great things in store for you, I just know it.

Kazzy said...

We had our two boys and wanted more children, of course. But for some reason the Lord saw fit to give us some time off, and 6 years later the third and then the fourth boys joined the group. Our bookends. I can look back now and see the purpose in the gap. There was plenty we needed to sit with for awhile before being ready to expand. Letting ourselves just "be" was a great thing. Letting go of the control is hard, but necessary. Enjoy what you have until you get more. :)

Heidi Ashworth said...

I can hear your ovaries talking from here! So, I would say it is more a matter of "when" than "if" for you b/c, like you said, you are going to love it no matter what. I have never heard anyone express regret about having had a child except when they were kind of old--the moms who express that they were too tired and old to enjoy it or raise the child with enough discipline, or whatever. Having them really close together takes, I think, a certain kind of personality (one I don't have). I imagine there are moms out there who regret having had them too close together as well--that they didn't get to enjoy the older one enough b/c the younger one came so soon. When I was taking my oldest to kindergarten and pushing my second in the stroller I remember saying, "Lord, I don't want this one to be five when I'm pushing my next baby!" I thought that meant I would have one sooner than later--but I was wrong. Instead of being 5 years apart, #2 and #3 are 6.5 years apart. In a way #3 is my favorite, not because I love him more but b/c he has been, by far, the easiest to raise (so far--and my oldest is my fave b/c he is the Big Guy and my first and the MC is my fave b/c she is my only girl, so . . . there ya go!) Honestly I doubt you would ever regret having a third but I suspect you would regret not having another one. Does it have to be yes or no right now? Or do you have time to think about when?

Jen said...

this is a tough one. I can't have anymore kids but that doesn't mean that I don't want to have another baby. I miss the being pregnant and all the stuff that goes with it.
All I am saying is that I under stand and hear your anguish. I don't have any big words of wisdom but if the idea is in your head and heart then maybe you should go for it and see what happens.

Jessica said...

I think that the fact that you want to have another baby, and assuming your husband wants to, than you should! I've never hear anyone say they wish they'd had fewer kids, but I've heard some say they wish they'd had more!

Deb said...

first, i can't believe you have drafts. do most people do that? i kind of post in real time, which i guess is why some of my posts are, shall we say, lacking.

i don't know what to tell you. if you wait until you are sure, it probably won't ever happen. if we waited until we were, we wouldn't have our two beautiful boys.

i'm in an interesting position, myself, and have been wanting another baby for the last few months. i haven't ruled it out, but i know it wouldn't be right. we have genetics working against us, and one child with a fatal disease is, in my opinion, makes it hard to know how to proceed. should his life be filled with many brothers and sisters, ensuring plenty of caretakers and resources for him? also, does his brother need others to lean on, so he is not left an only child? but if we do it "naturally", we run a high risk of having another with the same disease, and that just can't happen. it can't. so we could adopt or do in vitro... i don't know... do we just leave well enough alone?

don't you love how i managed to make your post about me? sorry. what i meant to say was that i am here for you if you need to sort this out in depth with a neutral party.

Octamom said...

Hey Girl--

You can read my thought on this under a post entitiled "Is Eight Enough?"--I don't claim to have any answers for anyone, but I can tell you about my journey...

Blessings!

Tooj said...

The last comment that I see is Deb, and my first reaction was the same! People have drafts??? No wonder you have so much more depth to your writing! :)

I liked this line best:
"After all, I don't think we'd ever regret more children once they're here."

Whatever happens, whatever you decide, this line says it best. In the same respect FLIPPED...if you were to never have another, you'll love the ones you're given with all your heart. :)

Willow Tree said...

This was one of the hardest parts of motherhood for me. The, "am I done having babies?" question was fierce. For YEARS it was who I Was. My identity was wrapped up in that stage of life. Not saying that's bad, just how it was.

I called my mother crying, saying how did you know you were done? And she said, "I looked around the room and everyone was here. No one was missing from the picture." If you look around and think someone is Missing from our family, Go for it.

For me, this took almost a year to sink in. Don't make a hasty decision, because it will affect 4, maybe 5 lives, forever. No pressure. Ahem. What I mean is, take your time, pray it through, and listen. Because God whispers and the world is loud, my friend.

Blessings, Carolynn

Melanie J said...

My ovaries are talking too, but they're not loud enough yet for my husband to hear them, so we're at wait and see. Having one more is definite. After that? Huge question mark. If you're like me, you're in the exploring process that will inevitably lead to another kid. I bet it's just your brain's way of easing you into it. But I think Randi's right on; God will make His will known to you. Just keep praying!

That Girl in Brazil said...

I like being inside your head, lady.

So the issue at hand: I believe that God knows how many kids we have. I believe when our "ovaries are talking," that's just our kids in heaven tapping us on the shoulder saying, "Mom? What about me?!"

We "just" have to find out His will, and follow it.

Hrumph. So simple a plan, yes?

Blessed said...

This is a hard one for me. I'm pregnant with #2 who will be our last. Hubby wanted #1 to be our last... actually Hubby wasn't excited about the first pregnancy, isn't excited about this pregnancy and has already said in no uncertain terms that "this is it" and this baby, my #2, might have a serious heart condition. It's hard.

The good thing though is that I know my Hubby and even though he isn't excited through the whole pregnancy - once the baby is put in his arms it's a totally different story - he wouldn't trade our Sugar for anything and I know he'll feel the same way about this new little guy we're going to have. Other people were worried that he would reject our little one when she was born, I wasn't, I knew that it would be ok and I know that it will be ok again - no matter what we face after the birth. Hopefully, the test results come back next week and everything is fine - but if they aren't we'll be ok in the end because God will be there with us.

But the tough thing for me is that I feel like I'm missing out on an exciting part of life - the joy of being pregnant, having my hubby talk to the baby and be excited with me about it. For that reason 2 is enough for me too. It's too much of a strain on our relationship. I know in the end that everything will be fine, but the nine month journey is hard and I can't walk it again. Even if the worst happens and I loose this little guy at birth we're done, and I'm sad about that, but I'm ok with it too - I have peace and that is what matters the most.

OK, not that any of that was related to your post or anything... but thanks for hitting the "publish" button. I'm glad I'm not the only one who sits around thinking things over and over and over again in my head :)

Angie said...

I am a planner. My hubby not so much. I always wanted four children. My hubby's philosophy was, "One at a time. Then we'll see about the next." And each time when the tug to have another one starting to pull at my heart and mind, B would say, "Well, we can always try. The Lord won't give us one if it's not in His plan." There was peace in that... knowing we were choosing to be happy either way. Then I got cancer after number 3. And I spent weeks asking God, "Why?" Not about the cancer (although I did do that), but I had to grieve through the dying of a dream for me. We didn't have four children and I desired four so badly.

I can still remember the day His still small voice nudged me into the realization that He had worked. He had given us the direction and the answers (although I'd have been perfectly happy He NOT give me cancer as an answer). :) Sometimes I think it's just sitting, waiting, abiding, then stepping out in trust. For you trust might mean letting go of a dream, or it might mean giving it a try. Either way, He's a God who keeps his promises, and He will never fail to direct your steps.

Hope this made some semblance of sense. Praying for his peace for you.

Becky said...

For the last year, I've been telling people that we have one of each, so we're good to go. But I don't really know that for sure. I'll keep plodding along and if we have another one or two or eleven (oh, please not eleven...) then I'll know that's how things were supposed to go. And I'll try to be the best mother I can to however many children we're blessed with.

So I don't have THE answer for you either, but I know you're the kind of lady who will listen when He gives direction. Sometimes I just wish the directions were clear-cut and easy to read...

LisAway said...

What a tricky thing! As I said over at Steph's for us I just wanted to keep going with one every two years, but Greg said the end after two. I was crushed because I had always wanted more and the thought of only having two kids was very hard for me. Finally we decided to have Aaron and now we both just know that there's another one or two on it's/their way. I'm so glad about that. But I know this issue just is NOT easy (I mean, it's easy for us NOW, but I spent a full year crying regularly because we weren't going to have anymore!)

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

I haven't read the comments at all. I'm just saying the first thing that popped into my mind as soon as I read it.

I've heard it said several times lately from completely unconnected people that you never regret the children you do have, but you may regret the children you didn't have.

My best friend from high school shared that after their oldest two, they spent a long time (years) debating if they would have another or not. Finally, after six years, they got pregnant with my friend. She says she always wished they would have stopped thinking about the timing so much and had one more child in that span of time.

My two cents? Your ovaries talkin' to you? I think that's a good sign. I think you need to go for it. I do not think you will regret it.

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

Oh my gosh - in that comment, it should say my best friend from high school's MOTHER! Ugh. Sorry that doesn't make sense. Not enough coffee yet.

Just try for another baby already, will ya?

blessedby6 said...

We have six children. While we have had a whole lot of people comment on the number of children we have, the most common thought is that they "wished they would have had more children." Sure, there are moments when I think I should have spaced out the ages more or done things differently, but every day has its challenges no matter what.

I think you should just go for it. Maybe God is the one pulling on your heart, not your ovaries!!

Brooke said...

I love everyone else's comments. When my baby was 3 almost 4, I got pregnant and was relieved, but scared because my kids would be five years apart. Then I miscarried. Then I got pregnant again and had another problem with the pregnancy, and I had to wait 6 months to try again. It just about killed me to wait. Now, my concerns are, my kids will be at least 6 years apart. I have spent a lot of time regretting not following that feeling to start trying when my son was 18 months old and my husband had no job. I saw no way that could work. So we waited. Then we had no insurance. So we waited. Then I finally got pregnant, and lost it. Then we HAD to wait. It was horrible. I think that you should do what you feel is right. I wish I had followed through on that first feeling. God would've made it work. Sure, we had no income. And two kids. But, he would've made it work out. Follow your heart on this one. Pray hard and listen to the soft voice of the spirit. You'll know what to do.

MidnightCafe said...

Heather, I'd love to talk with you about this sometime. We're done with "biological" children. ...I mean, unless there's some miracle. We made the decision to only have one the "conventional" way, as there are some serious health issues in my family of origin AND we really wanted to make space in our home for other children to come from elsewhere. Then, we adopted Vespera when Mane was 4. I've since had the sense that our family is not finished, but I don't know if that even means we'll be having more children or if it means something different about the way our family is going to grow.

I don't really have any advice for you. We've prayed prayers for God to drop things in our laps if we're really supposed to do something. But, then, I think you may be right that God may be giving this decision to you. Maybe it help to know that there probably isn't just one right answer.

And, YES, some of us really do have drafts waiting around to be posted. It maybe speaks more to the number of interruptions in our lives maybe than anything else...at least, that's how it is at my house. And by the time I come back to something, I'm not always sure I want to post it anymore or I've got something more pressing on my mind.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Wow, Heather, between your post and mine we got almost 70 pieces of advice! A LOT to think about, huh?

Debbie said...

Weighty material here.
I have no doubt that you all will make the decision that is right for you. I just have all the faith in the world in you.
And I like the idea of finishing the random post. I may try that - although there are some duds in mine for sure.

Motherboard said...

When I was pregnant with Thing 3-- she was supposed to be born with more health problems than any child should. I worried and cried and swore I would never do it again.

And I didn't for 5 years.

But, that my dear, that is where Faith comes into play. I had to trust that The Lord was in charge, and have Faith that he could lead me through another pregnancy--even if it meant the possibility of another "What if..." There is always the "what if's..." but we have to have Faith and Trust the one above.

I'm right there with you on this one! I am sure you will do what is best.

JCK said...

I will be curious to hear the outcome of this post! ;)

Great of you to post a draft. And a damn fine one, if I do say, girl!

Heartfelt and thoughtful.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

There once was something that my mom clipped from the paper. You know, she was that type of person that, if she found inspiration, she'd have it on the fridge. Or wall by the phone (back when they hung from the wall. Work with me). One of these little pieces of inspiration was about "the cost to raise one child". And it went on into the thousands. And thousands. And thousands. If anyone hadn't already had a child and waivered about it, and read just the #s, they'd be childless. Those that have children and read it nod but smile towards their babies, big and small, cuz it doesn't matter how much, because they are priceless.

(continued below, cuz Blogger doesn't want to publish it all at the same time. Jerks!)

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

(continued)

But the article didn't stop there, it went on to talk about the 'what if things aren't perfect, then what?' scenario. And the author stated it'll never be perfect. Your job isn't always secure, your house will not always be termite-free, or on the best block. Your car might not be the safest for children. Etc, etc. But then again, when is life EVER perfect? Ah yeah, when children are involved. The first moment you hold them. The first moment you other children hold their newest for the first time. The first time you see your husband hold your newest child in his arms and he cries, regardless if you've had 1 or 100 together (100. Whoa.)

Continued again! What the!?!

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Continued cuz I'm a long winded momma, who's an ass because all this time it was a bad code that prevented it from posting.. arghhhhh

The point is - life is perfection because of them, it doesn't have to be perfect for them (as much as we'd like it to be, it won't, and that's ok). I mean, don't we always say we'll love them no matter what, perfect or not? They aren't perfect, neither or we. And again, that's ok.

And there's my two,no, eleventy-billion cents.

I love you. Just sayin'

Rach@In His Hands said...

Heather, you are such a dear.

If you and your hubs have the desire to have a 3rd baby, my advice is to go for it! If the Lord grants you that precious blessing, you will rejoice and know that the timing is perfect.

Keep praying about it. Take comfort that He's got it all taken care of. He already knows His plan for you.

I'll be praying for you....

Kim said...

Ugh, such hard decisions. All I know is that when it is time for us, I just know it. I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like a part of me is missing.
That's not to say it isn't extremely hard. I won't lie to you, going from 2 to 3 is hard hard hard. About threw me over the edge. BUT, I wouldn't trade it, or my hooligans, for anything.
Pray, pray, pray and God will lead you. You know that.

So...here's to you being knocked up for Blogher! ;)

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Wow! Great comments on this one!!

"Ready" is such a strange concept. I was never really "Ready" for any of my babies. Financially, physically, energy wise.

And yet I was. Because God said, "Okay, it's time!" And J.D. and K were conceived. And my heart grew. And I grew up in ways I never imagined. And Jay was conceived, and ROCKED my world. And showed me a heart can expand. And Noe was conceived. And I thought my heart would burst.

Because even though by human terms I didn't feel ready, God knew. He knew that emotionally I was going to learn and grow and love. He knew that love was going to pour into my life like CRAZY.

charrette said...

I think I may have actually posted about this once, a long time ago. I can't remember exactly when...or why. But in a nutshell, when we had two kids and were contemplating a third, I had a little chat with God.

I was sitting in a sacred place, praying with all my heart, telling the Lord maybe I wasn't supposed to have any more kids because I'm not that great of a mother anyway...and then He sent me the most beautiful answer. He showed me a very fast instant replay (seriously, that's the only way I can think to describe it, like a montage from a movie) showing me all the times I was a perfect mother. (Okay, so it was really short.) :) Anyway, He showed me not only that I could do it, but that He remembers every single good thing we ever do.

Having three kind of did put me over the edge. Suddenly you have more kids than parents, more kids than hands, and it's a little overwhelming at first. But I wouldn't trade our #3 for anything in the world. He delights me on a daily basis.

I also believe that no one is ever truly ready for a baby, but the Lord blesses couples who have the faith to bring babies into loving families and He somehow makes up the difference. This I know.

I think you already have your answer.

Eowyn said...

What a powerful post and what powerful comments. This is a topic that I think most young mom's have to deal with.

We talked six, but I always said "One at a time." We're at four.

My two cents is do you remember what it was like to be pregnant? Down to your toes? I totally remember the horrible time I had in my last pregnancy, and it's being rather effective birth control.

Are we done? For now.

Will that always be the case? I'm not sure. I'm waiting to see what happens.

Good luck with all of this and your prayers!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Sometimes, I make a decision by making a decision, you know, "shaking hands" with the decision. Then, in the following days, weeks, whatever, I gauge my level of peace concerning that decision. No peace means something is amiss. I especially believe that people who are in tune with God and watching for his guidance can do well with this procedure.

Having said that, I cannot imagine life without my 3rd, for whom I made that decision. On the other hand, I had to stop at some point because I'm not Mrs. Dugger. I'm just saying it's possible to love another just as much as you do the ones you already have, and so you make life work. It's hard, but it's a fulfilling kind of hard.

minnesotamom said...

I want another right now in a bad way. Husband wants to wait until we get our ducks in a row. I tell him that could be NEVER. He doesn't care. I really liked the quote Megan@SortaCrunchy shared. I don't think I would ever regret having another right now...

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