I got in from BlogHer late last night, exhausted from so much fun, emotion, lack of sleep, and deafening noise. I'm so happy to have had the chance to go. I hope to share some hilarious photos and moments with you soon but for today, I can't. Many of you know that MckMama and her family are friends of mine. We live very near each other and like to spend time in the sun together. Because Stellan is not doing well, I'm having trouble thinking or talking about much else.
Last night, I cried in the clouds on a plane in the wind and I begged God to heal Stellan. Yes, now it feels like begging, and I believe that's just fine. I don't think it's required of me, I just needed to do it. Selfishly, for me. It's just that I've asked for a miracle so many times before that something in me started to shift. So I begged God to allow a thousand small miracles, just for the moment, every moment. For unexpected surprises of reprieve. Grace. Moments of grace for this boy who pulls my heart to his. Mercy for his Mama. I beg and I believe because I know God is in the business of relief, and sometimes that comes in small doses. Doses that add up to survival.
This morning, as we sat on the floor reading, my two year old Asher pulled the book from my hands, climbed in my lap, put his small fingers to my cheeks and kissed me. Over and over, healing kisses. Maybe he missed me that much, but I doubt he has much of a sense of how many days have passed. It doesn't really matter why, what matters is that he was feeding me a moment of grace. Whatever it is to me, whatever I needed, that's what it was. And I want the same thing so badly for my friend. Over and over and over.
Last night, I looked across the table in the airport to the eyes of the lovely Mommy Mo. We cried together for Stellan and talked about faith. Being tired and wanting to be home didn't matter, just for those moments. We shared a drink of grace right there, and now I watch as the internet showers grace on Stellan and his family, and I'm so thankful because I know it means so much to them.
Because it's all unfolding on a screen, it can look like drama and drama alone. I know there's been criticism, I know a lot of people aren't sure how they feel about Stellan's story being shared on the internet. This story is being shared because people care about Stellan and Stellan's Mama cares about those people. We're sharing cups of grace here, that's what we're doing.
50 clicked right here to comment:
I'm praying so hard!
This is beautiful and so, so true.
I love our perspective on miracles, Heather. Sometimes we can't see the trees for the forest.
Beautiful. Heartfelt.
Continuing to pray. I feel like I can't do much of anything else in my life right now because I can only think about and pray for Stellan and all of the MckFamily.
I'm so right there with you Heather. I could think of little else this morning - haven't gotten much done except pray and cry a little. Lots of memories, lots of empathy, lots of begging... you know how it is.
SO glad you had a great time and looking forward to hearing more about the blogging conference.
Heather, I love you and I love the fact that we are NOW in-real-life friends. You beautiful inside and out and I feel as I have been blessed getting to know you.
We're praying hard too... can't think of anything else this morning.
I hadn't heard of his story until I read your post this morning and my heart dropped.
Your post was amazing and MckMama is so very lucky to have a friend like you.
My heart is aching for them. I can almost not breathe.
As every mother knows.....Stellen and McMama's story breaks my heart. Just completely crumples it. I read her blog and tears stream down my face. I don't even have the words to express how much I want him to get better and how I empathize with her. i will pray for them.
Praying hard for this family and now am praying for you, too, as you watch your friends in pain and watch this little boy that you love sufer. I'm so thankful for the internet and the chance to pray for others that I've never met!
May you know His strong arms holding you. I'm praying that you ALL would know that He hears... the sound of our prayers travels in darkness and light.
That poor family - they've been through so much! It's wonderful that his story is available to us, so that we can all help by lifting Stellan up in prayer!
Praying here too.
Such a blessing you are Heather.
My young son is feeding me Grace today too. He knows I am hurting and he is doing his best to give me love. Kisses and I love yous that I wish Stellan could be giving Jennifer right now.
We lift them up...
I know that there are thousands and thousands of prayers for that family right now.
This is beyond beautiful.
oh my sweet, sweet heather. your love and compassion and commitment to stellan, his mommy and the rest of their family is so inspirational. i have seen for myself the size of your heart, so i know how blessed they are to have your support. the pure friendship you extended to me, someone who you barely know, has been a gift... i can only imagine the enormity of the love you have for those you have called "friend" for many years.
love you.
I didn't realize Stellan was your buddy. I first heard about him on Twitter, just this weekend.
Praying for his heart, and the hearts of everyone he's touched.
Welcome home, Mama. God is INDEED a God of miracles...small and large. Toddler kisses definitely fit in that description.
Sometimes we seem so inadequate to deal with what life brings.... Calling on God and being a friend to Stellan and his mom are precious gifts.
Sweet Asher knew just what you needed it seems!
beautiful post!! I have been praying for them!
I love the analogy... cups of grace. It's a lovely thought.
I hadn't heard stellan's story before now. I'll definitely include him and his family in my prayers.
Someone once said something to the effect that we pray not to change God's heart, but to change our own. There are so many people joined in prayer for Stellan right now - there is beauty and grace indeed in so many hearts being touched like that.
I hope that you and your friend both find what it is you need to get through. Happy Monday and welcome back.
I think you have a wonderful heart.
I pray these cups of grace overflow into Mercy. Please Jesus, let him live, and live well.
Praying for them and for you... I know how helpless it can feel to be close and still so far away.
Blessings,
Carolynn
Loved what you said how it can seem like drama and drama alone.
But there is also truth in that we read her and still care regardless that it is all told online. Great post Heather.
Been praying all morning. We had a playdate this morninga and we all agreed to pray for Stellan and their family. Thanks for your words today.
Well put! I don't even pray, but I said a prayer for Stellan...well ok I have said a few for Ezra..but I am not the praying type.
I think sharing Stellan's story is only sending more prayers and positive energy in to the atmosphere....and I don't think that can hurt at all!
I pray for Stellan often and I'm grateful to you for first telling me about their family so that I could.
You share so much grace with me, Heather. If I gave up the rest of blogging, I could never give up you.
So beautifully written.
I am hoping with all my heart for that little boy's recovery.
XO.
I've been praying all day and a bit of my heart is with you and Stellan and his family. Love.
I have been praying. What you said I felt deeply...I got it.
I've found myself checking back in on him throughout today - my heart hurts.
Hey, one of the blessings of modern technology is the ability to express ourselves and to connect. So, why should any of us judge people who choose to use it for their own purposes? Especially when it isn't hurting anyone? Sheesh.
Glad you are home safe. Did you meet Mrs. 4444?
WHAT??? Mrs. 4444 was THERE???? I would have loved to have met her!! Sheesh, there were just so many people. I had no idea. Dang...
They are all so in my prayers. I can barely think of anything else.
We've barely met, but it was a pleasure.
Many, many prayers for Kellen and his family. For all of you.
I can't imagine criticizing anyone going through such a hard time. Anyway...
I know, I have felt so burdened for Stellan today, my heart has been heavy & I've been praying with tears in my eyes- also begging God to save Him. In my prayer this afternoon, I said something like, "Lord, I know Your will, will be done, but I WANT Stellan to LIVE!" Praying!!!!
how I'm thinking that suddenly concern for a " stranger" , has become prayers as the community has just become smaller.
while it always a noble thought to assume God has nothing better to do than answer my laments to all things unjust, I am now bowing in respect to a Mom that walks the dusty roads we all do, and the friend in her heart that needs us all to circle in faith and hope.
Cups of grace. How absolutely beautiful. Your words move me to no end.
Beautifully written... so many thoughts and prayers being sent to Stellan.
We are joining you tonight in prayer. Our hearts are heavily joined together with purpose.
So glad to have met you this weekend, and was encouraged by your comment this evening. Keep in touch and please send Jennifer our LOVE!
It is just one of those moments where you can't believe it won't have a happy ending. Sometimes cups of grace are what get us through.
Our little talk in the cab convinced me. Thank you. Your one sentence was enough. I have been praying since I heard on Sunday. Hugs!
I love the way you recognize that it doesn't have to be one big miracle but rather a series of small ones which can make all the difference. Beautiful thought.
Stellan's story pulls at my heart strings too- there but for the grace of God go I. My son, a twin, had SVT at birth. He was a preemie and that's PROBABLY what caused it. We were blessed that he grew out of it and never had an episode lasting more than 30 minutes. Still, that was 30 minutes of agony for me and gave me just a small taste MckMama's struggle.
Praying for all of them- and you who loves them all so deeply.
Oh girl, beautiful post! I think it is amazing how complete strangers have come together for a baby they don't even know. It's a child... and that hurts more than anything else! You can read my blog post today... I wrote just about that. I am in constant prayer and/or begging as you speak of. And yes I think that is okay too! God knows we hurt when someone else is hurting and He doesn't want that! Miracles do happen!!
I love you, I love this post, I love everything about you. It was just so wonderful to be able to sleep next to you and hold your hand when I was nervous at the conference. I can't wait to get with you again and smoosh your face off.
Stellan, Jennifer and their whole family remain in my constant pleadings with the Lord. I pray that He will see fit to heal this sweet boy and allow him to stay on this earth a lot longer.
xoxoxo
Kim,
I'm laughing my face off right now. NOT because of your sweet comment, but about the part that says we slept next to each other. IN SEPARATE BEDS, PEOPLE. :)
I love you too, lady!
"God is in the business of relief" = PERFECT.
Wonderful post.
I don't understand why there would be ANY controversy over her sharing Stellan's story. I hope that the unbelievably positive response she has gotten has helped her somewhat in this ordeal. It has restored my faith in people.
Heather, this post is so beautiful. It really touched my heart today.
Thanks for sharing it!
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