8/24/10

alone

I did some writing for a while in my favorite coffee shop today, but with my boys out of town for a couple of days, I felt the pull back to the quiet house.

I looked around and knew there was too much mess and dirty for a clear head, so I cleaned for a while and then I played Super Mario Bros and then cleaned some more.

My head is clear now. And so is the counter top and even the under of the couch.

My friend came over and we sat on the patio and talked about things that matter and when I look at her I see this beautiful person that reflects me and I feel better about who I am. We are both so broken and so fixed.

I made her late for dinner because of stories.

Then I got in the car and drove to the grocery store. The sun is out and it's not too hot and it's so good. I wandered into the movie section and to the 'must-see' wall. I browsed with no hurry and no chase and no scolding. I picked two movies just for me. Then I picked up lettuce and cashews and cranberries and when the nice young girl at the check-out asked how my day was going I asked her how hers was.

I got home and opened more windows because of the cooling air and I made my salad and my Maggie Drink. Cranberry juice, club soda, lime. On the rocks. I take my rocks crushed and then I chomp them.

Last year, when my boys took this same trip, I went to a matinee and then I drank. And then I drank some more and I don't remember much. I drank more and earlier, since there was no one around. And as much as I thought about that and part of me wished I could do it again, this day was much better than those days.

I will watch movies tonight and I will sleep in tomorrow, but not because I have a whoops I've over-done it again headache, but just because I love my pillow and the quiet. After that I'll wake up and sit on the patio with the crossword and coffee and the dog and I'll be able to think clearly.

And then I will write, for most of the day, with several breaks for Super Mario and key lime pie and to miss my boys like I do today.

~~~~~

So tell me. If given a few days off, a few days alone, what would you do with your free time?

36 clicked right here to comment:

fritzfacts said...

Now that day just sounds wonderful. I don't know what I would do with a full day alone...sleep and read I am sure!

So glad you are enjoying your quiet time, and doing things that you love to do.

Nili said...

Sounds like heaven! Enjoy your evening, your movies and sleeping in late just because you can. I don't comment often but want to send you some love and encouragement...You're Doing a Wonderful Job Heather!!!!

Corinne said...

Enjoy the quiet... those beautiful moments :)

Lara said...

That sounds just about right. Perfectly lovely use of your alone time.

I clean. I eat (way too much). I read.

Annette said...

"We are both so broken and so fixed"--you made me cry--I both hate it and love it when you do that to me...


'Removing Broken Bolts From Fixed Nuts'
By Ron Sardisco, eHow Contributor
updated: June 7, 2010
http://www.ehow.com/how_6597395_removing-broken-bolts-fixed-nuts.html

I found this article: Not that it has anything to do with us. I just liked the title...it makes me think...think about how life feels kinda weird and hard when someone or something is working on removing the broken pieces from your fixed pieces.

I also have to confess that this article also made me think about that old high school cheer, "nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, we got.."

So sorry...so tired...so nutty...so broken...so-so fixed.

ttsc said...

sounds like you had a great day. I think I would do just what you did. Grocery shopping without interruptions, cleaning, because I have time and I want to, not because someone is coming over.

Heidi said...

Good for you, Heather! What a gift your sobriety is - not only to those around you, but to yourself. Sending you love....

TheOneTrueSue said...

Substitute "eat myself into a coma" for "drink" and I think I'd probably do just what you used to do.

Not good. Noooot good.

wendy said...

sounded like a wonderful day actually
and I TOO love my coffee in the morning, over a cross word puzzle (me and Hubby do that all the time) with a new puppy at our feet.

life is good

If I had a few days to MYSELF, I'd read, and go for a walk, and sit on my porch swing looking at our gorgeous sunsets.
thinking

life is good

K and/or K said...

I'm relaxed just reading this!
It's funny you talk about taking time for yourself because I did just that this week, two days off, to extend my weekend into four, just for me. I pruned, weeded, cooked, worked out, had a double date, shopped, read food magazines...you know, all of my favorite things! :-) I feel like a new woman!

Melanie J said...

I hear you on missing the kids but to me, this sounds like its own kind of perfect day.

Kelly said...

I like the idea of your day. Instead of the salad, I'd go out for wings and cheese fries. Otherwise, your day sounds fabulous.

Allison @ Alli 'n Son said...

Every 6 months or so I get a complete weekend to myself. I usually fill it with as much as possible. Including of course extra sleep. Recharging. That's what it's all about.

jen said...

you are so beautiful. seriously. after meeting you and feeling so star-struck and tripping over my words and feeling embarrassed about it all last tuesday ... that's what i left with ... you are such a beautiful person.
and this day? sounds so wonderful.
i can't imagine it. but i dream of eating a pepperoni pizza on my bed while watching a movie, someday.

Amber said...

Ha ha. What alone time?

Truthfully, if I had alone time I'd... I have no idea. I can only think of what I'd do if my husband and I had some time together. hmmm...

Anyway. Lovely post. Made me laugh and think.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I think if I had a whole day to myself, I would end up spending it in a whirlwind of chaotic thoughts. Because I would have SO MANY IDEAS about what I could do now that I was finally alone, I wouldn't be able to choose.

I'm looking forward to school starting in a few weeks, so I can muster maybe an hour each afternoon during nap time when I'm alone. I think I'll be more successful at it if it's broken down into small chunks of time. It's like training a stomach to eat again after you've had the flu.

(Did I really just write that? Oy.)

Cynthia said...

I'm so proud of you I can hardly stand it! And I'm so proud that at the end of the day, YOU can be proud of another successful sober day. Some of your triggers were present today and you still persevered. Yeah!

AmyLK said...

What a fabulous day! And the mornign sounds like it will be just as wonderful. So proud of you!

Ash said...

Switch out Super Mario Bros. on your list with Tetris, and you've pretty much nailed it.

Quiet time to complete a written thought - devine.

(it's taken me roughly 12 minutes to just finish this comment :-)

Enjoy!

charrette said...

Heather, I had such a similar experience to this over the summer. My husband took the kids to Lake Powell for five days and I stayed home to paint. I, too, found that I needed to clean, needed everything in its place, and I also needed my ritual morning workout. Other than that it was paint, paint, paint in 90-minute segments, listening to Christmas music (because I LOVE it, and also because I was illustrating a Christmas book!) and on my (20-minute) breaks I folded laundry and watched chick flicks. It was sheer heaven. I loved the solitude. Couldn't believe I got so much done in five days. And loved my family all the more when they got home!

I'm so happy you have this time to think and to write.

charrette said...

p.s. The books are finished now. I should send you one. :)

TKW said...

Your Maggie Drink and your chat with your friend and your salad sound like a lovely way to spend time alone.

I'll be single-momming it from Sunday-Wednesday this week and hope to channel your way of coping--with grace and humility.

One Crafty Mother said...

OH, this sounds divine.

And I love that you played Super Mario Brothers - took time for the frivolous (although arguably there isn't anything frivolous about Super Mario Bros) as well as the profound.

I tend to spend the first couple of hours of real alone time pinging off my walls, all crazy-like. Next time I'm going to lose myself in a video game for a bit. It is so important to indulge in those things too. As long as I set a timer. :)

-Ellie

Becky said...

I'm glad you had such a wonderful day! You deserve it.

I'm not sure what I would do. Go running. Read. Bake pies and take them to people who might "need" a pie. Go see The Sorcerer's Apprentice again because I've currently got a major crush on Jay Baruchel. :)

Becky said...

Look how much a year can bring. it's funny since I just also posted a piece comparing last year to today.

You seem so at peace. So at peace it's calming to read your stuff.

Good on ya lady!

Oh and I would have the same day, minus the pie. ;-)

Elaine A. said...

Did you just say "sleep in'? Aw man, that sounds good. Enjoy that part extra muchly for me, wouldja?

I'd spend some time at teh book store and coffee shop too. And I probably wouldn't know WHAT to do with myself a lot of the time - ha!

alexis said...

oh gosh...what wouldn't i do? i'd read and read and read, write and write and write, eat and eat and eat. i'd also go to the movies, get a massage, and visit my girlfriends. enjoy your alone time, i know your boys will be so happy to have their mommy back satisfied and relaxed.

Sarah @ Momalom said...

I'd probably do exactly the same thing, woman. Right down to the Super Mario Bros. Sad, but true. And I'm on level 8. I can taste success. :)

Kristen@nosmallthing said...

I really enjoyed this Heather. And you know what? I'd probably do exactly what you've got planned. Except the Mario thing.

Enjoy.

Sarah said...

I'd probably bake something I shouldn't eat and eat more than I should. Then watch a movie my husband isn't willing to watch (like Alice in Wonderland) and stay in comfy PJs as long as possible.
Oh and take a shower way longer than I should and use every last drop of hot water.

Jen said...

Your day and planned next day sound perfect.

If I were home alone, I'd probably get one room clean and spend the rest of the time in that room, reading, napping, scrapbooking and eating/drinking what I want without people stealing from my plate/cup.

oh, and your Maggie drink sounds yummy.

Ann Imig said...

My boys are going away on Saturday.

And I am going to do stupid things faster and with more energy!

(love that)

Kazzy said...

Alone time at home is such a rarity. I love it too.

ANd I loved that you called yourself broken and fixed. You are awesome.

Heather said...

I have had a few times where I was alone for a few days, but it doesn't happen often. I do get a solid block of time during the school year when hubs goes to work and the girls are at school.

I try to do some stuff around the house, altho I never seem to get too far. I try to write and read, but the couch always calls me. When no one else is home I can watch the shows that everyone else frowns upon in my house. Like Say Yes to the Dress or 19 Kids and Counting. (why I love that show I will never know)

I can take long walks around the neighborhood and not worry when I come back, you know as long as I bring the dog and plenty of plastic bags because when he runs out of pees he leaves other markings. (I know, I know TMI)

Enjoy your time and before you know it your fellas will be back and there will be a happy reunion and you will be proud to tell them what you did in their absence.

xo

Sarah said...

I found you from Ellie's blog. I love your writing style!
I think, if I had two or three days solo, I would do the exact same thing as you... with the inclusion of some nature trail walks (the boys don't like to go with me, even though one starts right outside our subdivision) and maybe I would plant some flowers in the front bed for fall... The main goal would be to avoid folding any laundry during that entire time period!

MidnightCafe said...

Sounds oh-so-beautiful! What would I do? Probably something really similar to what you did - maybe add a trip to the bookstore and a long, hot soak in the tub. :)

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