10/31/08

Welcome the help and kick guilt out the door

I'm so far behind on life. The dust bunnies are getting so big, they might eat the dog. Or one of the children. That would not be good.

I'm learning a valuable lesson through my current state of mind (overwhelmed), and Asher's current state of mind (watery).

The lesson? I need help. We all need help, especially in certain seasons, but I'm not all that good at asking for it. Somewhere along the road, I started to believe that I'm somehow a better person if I can do it all on my own. That seems to be the idea most mothers have. That having help somehow steals something from their mothering trophy case.

I should know better than to have this belief because I see myself when other people are around. I earn a lot more trophies when I'm encouraged and inspired by the presence of other grown-ups. Being surrounded in help here and there buoys me up and keeps my head above water.

Without help, especially in difficult times, not only do dust bunnies grow, but so does my anxiety. Leaving me to forget to send Miles to school in a costume on Halloween party day, fretting over red lights, and getting upset over a silly old poopy diaper.

So I accepted my parent's offer to come this weekend and help me catch up on life. Today, instead of sweeping up the dust bunnies, I'm going to take the boys and meet some friends at the library. My mom will help me with the dust bunnies later. She's really good at helping and so is my dad. All I need to do is simply allow it and kick the guilt out the door with the dust bunnies.
____________________

I received some prestigious bloggy awards and I'm FINALLY (my apologies to the givers for my slowity) displaying them for you all to gaze on and then picture me in a ball gown doing that acceptance thing. Or, you could just picture me as I am, in my pajamas, wearing a sweater, bed-head and glasses. HOT.


Look, someone thinks I'm brilliantE!
Thank you, Lisa from Crazy Adventures in Parenting! You're brilliantE yourself, lady!
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I also received the Kreativ Blogger award from the lovely Keyona of The New Norm. Thank you!
I can't seem to get the picture uploaded, so be Kreativ and imagine the award any way you'd like.

And now my apologies for not following rules. I'm naughty. I'm not lying when I say that I think you ALL are Brilliante and Kreativ. Thank you for sharing yourselves in this crazy blogging community. When I read your blogs, it's a large dose of the community and help my heart desires. You rock the party.

23 clicked right here to comment:

minnesotamom said...

BrilliantE, indeed! I am glad you are accepting the help your parents have willingly offered. There's no shame in it!

LisAway said...

When we first moved to Poland and I was very pregnant and had a toddler, a friend of mine once said to me, "Lisa, you need to let people help you!" I hadn't realized that I didn't. Her main thing was that, besides the pushing aside your own pride, it gives others the opportunity to serve others. And we all need to serve!

I'm glad your learning to accept help. Weird that it's kind of hard.

JustRandi said...

I think you're very smart to figure out that it's not whether or not you need help, but when and how much.
Everyone needs help.

I'm the same way, though. What is it about women that makes us think we're better if we do it all by ourselves???

K and/or K said...

We missed you at dinner last night and said a prayer for Asher!

Have a nice weekend bootiful! :-)

Muthering Heights said...

I know what you mean about asking for help!

BTW, I like the new blog design!

Lara said...

I have horrendous pregnancies. I don't function for all 9 months pretty much. The first one I didn't dare ask for any help from anyone but my mom. Second one I accepted a little more help, and by the third I learned that I just needed to let my pride go. It helped me a lot ot realize that by letting people serve me, I was allowing them blessings. The same blessings I enjoy while serving others. So I was kind of also serving, in a sense. There always has to be someone to serve....it's just your turn now.

Erin said...

Lara said it just right. I'm glad you parents are coming to help. Take care of yourself!

Heidi Ashworth said...

My philosophy is that it is the strong ones who ask for and accept help (we all need it at one time or another). I can happily justify and entertain this philosophy because I have had to have so much help yet it could be that I am just in denial (nobody set me straight if I am--I like my delusions). Happy Halloween!

That Girl in Brazil said...

Secretly, we all want to be Wonder Woman. (Well, not THE Wonder Woman. Spandex does funny things to me.) But we all want to be 100% moms, wives, sisters, friends, church goers, and homemakers. I'm no mathmetician, but that just doesn't add up.

Help = good. Taking some me time to be a better mommy = priceless.

Melanie J said...

You don't mind if I go totally off topic and vent a little here, do you? Because we're friends and all? (Like in that never-met-you friends kind of way). My biggest pet peeve in life right now is that my blog reader takes forever to notify me that you've done a new post, so I'm hours late in getting my fix. But I like you so well that I come over here on my own, without waiting for my blog reader, just to see what's going on.

So there.

Nina said...

Forgetting the costume on party day sounds like something I would do.
I understand it is hard to ask for help. I am one of those that wont ask but will except help if offered.
That is really nice that both your parents are there and willing to help out.
Happy Halloween!!!!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

Man, can I relate! I'm horrible at asking for help -- made worse by the fact that we rarely live around people we know, therefore, I have the excuse that we don't have help-givers around anyway.

Enjoy this weekend and remember that guilt is almost always a pointless emotion.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Yay for getting help!!! :) It's ok to ask for it, and it's quite alright to not follow the rules :) In general, it's ok. Just keep saying that to yourself, ok? Ok.. ;)

Kristina P. said...

Congrats on your awards! You totally deserve them.

You need some sort of amazing mommy award too.

*MARY* said...

When my husband was in the hospital I couldn't bring myself to ask for help. Not because I felt like supermom and could do it all by myself but because I always feel like I'm bothering people by asking. So my grandparents just showed up and demanded to let them help me. People are happy to help, in fact I'm babysitting a friends little girl right now and glad to do it.

Carolyn said...

I liked what you said about how the presence of other grown-ups makes you a better mom. I feel that way, too.

I've even noticed a disturbing turn-over when my husband gets home. Sometimes instead of letting him take our boy and give me a break, I want to be all involved and active. "Hey, look at me! I'm a great mom!" It's pretty funny.

But I think being able to accept help is a great asset to a mom. Our kids need their community.

joolee said...

I could use a little help right now too, but that's not my point. At the risk of sounding obsessed, I thought you should know I had a dream about you last night. We met at Panera for soup and Julie of theanticsofthethree22nds and her sister were working there with cute lil white sailboat caps. Weird.

BaronessBlack said...

You're right! Guilt is pointless!
A friend of mine who has difficult pregnancies sent an e-mail round explaining how ill she was this time round (number 5!), and how she would need some help. I was so impressed to see how everyone rallied round. We got organised so everyone could do something. I made some new friends. And I realised how positive an action it can be to ask for help. We shouldn't just be giving and receiving in a closed circle. We should try to be part of a chain! Please take every opportunity to let people help you and the family - you know from the blog comments how much they want to!

Abra said...

I have a hard time accepting help too... I like to pretend that I'm a super mom with super powers... I'm not though.

Regardless, I'm always so excited when my family comes to see me... my laundry, magically washes, dries, and folds itself.
It's AMAZING!
Thinking of you :)

Kazzy said...

It's SO hard to let ask for or just accept help because it means I have to admit some sort of weakness, and though I have many of them I like to keep them secret. Have fun with the folks!

Cindy said...

I am so glad you are allowing your parents to come help you this weekend. We ALL need help at different times in life and you are wise to realize it while you are still young.
Enjoy the time with your family.

Elizabeth said...

Congratulations on your awards. People really love you, for great reason!

I really believe that there is humility in accepting, and even asking for, help. It's hard to do, especially for us moms that wish we could do it all ourselves. But I'm always glad when I force myself to accept and enjoy help, and I've never regretted it. You won't either!

Debbie said...

Dust bunnies do not eat or even harm children. I know. I have 17 years experience with this. You do have to ask for help and accept it. And sometimes, you have to lower your standards for what doesn't really matter. God bless.

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