3/24/09

I just know

Posted on Tuesday~March 24, 2009

I was walking through this day feeling grumpy and out of sorts, wondering why the rain is giving me the blues and wishing I could see it as a sign of Spring instead of gloom. I was restless through the night last night, tossing and not sleeping. So I was focused on my lack of sleep this morning, feeling sorry for myself. I wasn't in the mood to eat up the pure goodness that is my boys. I just didn't have the energy.

Sometimes I can't sleep and I just know...

We're all connected. So I believe that when I feel uneasy and don't know why, there's something pulling at my spirit for a reason. It means I need to pray, even if I don't know why. I need to pray for peace and comfort for someone who needs it badly, even if I don't know who it is. Sometimes I never know what it was all about, or I figure I must have had too much caffeine, and other times I end up getting a phone call and I say right out loud, "that's what it was."

So my cell phone rang earlier today, and I looked at the caller ID to see my neighbor, Kathy was calling. I figured she must be letting me know something about our house since we're out of town. She paused and sighed and gave me the "that's what it was" news.

I really wish it would have been something about our house.

Another neighbor, Kirsten, nearly died during labor back in December. She was saved by a tiny thread. And now one of the twins she fought to bring into this world is gone. In the middle of the night, Kirsten's beautiful little girl slipped away, unconscious and then impossible to revive. No one knows why yet, but an autopsy is being done. She was three months old. She had a twin brother.

My heart hurts. So I wanted to ask you to think about and pray for my neighbors, so the love of many can lift the heaviest kind of burden, even just a little.

I remember when one of my closest friends lost someone she loved. Many nights, I would wake up with a heaviness on my chest, one that made it almost impossible to breathe. I love my friend so much, and the only way the weight would lift would be for me to weep for her, sob until I couldn't, and pray. And she would feel it. Just the smallest portion of her grief would be lifted, just enough for her to fall asleep. I know because she told me.

God heard me in the night, used my cries to ease the pain of a person He loves. And I know He'll do it again with the prayers of many.

But I also know that today, this just sucks.

41 clicked right here to comment:

Peanut said...

I'm so sorry to hear the news Heather. We will pray.

I know what you mean about knowing you need to pray for someone and how praying for someone can carry them through the pain. So we will pray.

The Mom Jen said...

oh how utterly heartbreaking, I'm so sorry for your neighbors, praying for them and you during this most difficult time!

mrs boo radley said...

So sorry to hear of this. It's difficult to find words at times like these. We are all part of a bigger picture that an omniscient Creator is painting. God bless them and you too while you grieve and again when your pain is relieved.

C said...

Man. I hate that. All day I was exhausted...dumb.

I want to say something profound, but I got nothin'.

Twins rock - I'm going right now to kiss mine, and I wish only the quickest of peace to your neighbor in the loss of one of hers...

crap.
~crock

pam said...

Prayers for you, Kirsten, and her family. So very sad.

I'll never forget a day I had like that in high school, when a friend and I were totally out of sorts, and then we later found out another girl had committed suicide. I believe, like you, there was a connection with her pain somehow.

Sorry to add to the sadness, but I think you've got something there.

Blessings to you. You offer some light in the dark.

Kimberly said...

Oh Heather, there just aren't words...I'll join my prayers with yours. ~hugs~

a Tonggu Momma said...

I said a prayer tonight. I wish I had other words, but sometimes there just aren't any...

Muthering Heights said...

That is just awful. Awful.

I will certainly pray.

jodilee0123 said...

I cannot imagine. . . I am so sorry and will be praying for everyone!

Kim said...

Oh that poor family. My heart aches for them. If she needs someone to talk to who has been there, please don't hesitate to give her my information.
They are in my prayers. I love too that God knows who i am talking about when I say, Heather's neighbor. He will lend comfort and love. You are a good friend.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry for your friend and her family, and sorry for you because it makes you sad, too. I get what you mean about knowing. There's a true heaviness when something is just not right. I believe this is why Jesus FELT virtue leaving him when the sick woman in the crowd touched the hem of his robe. It's tangible. You're all in my prayers.

JustRandi said...

Heather, I'm so sorry. There are just no words for something like that, are there?

Blessed said...

that news makes my heart hurt, I wish it had been something about your house too.

I think you are right though - when I get that feeling I know someone needs me to pray, I might not ever know who, but I know someone needs what I can give.

Lara said...

I'm so sorry. I do know how you're feeling. I have a good friend who just lost a baby to SIDS last week, too, and I have really carried around a burden this week. And you're right, it totally sucks.

Erin said...

I'm so sorry for your neighbor's loss. I will be praying for them.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I wish I could come up with something to say. Just know I'll be keeping you and your neighbors in my thoughts.

Jillene said...

My heart aches for your friend. She will be in my prayers tonight.

Ron said...

we will be praying here as well

ron

Melanie J said...

I'll gladly pray for her and all the others who feel that loss. Thank you for having such a big heart.

LexiconLuvr said...

I am not surprised to learn this about you. If there was anyone in the world I would have guessed to have such an innate ability to sense another's pain, to be a vessel for God's voice, it would be you. How very beautiful you are.

My heart, my love, and my sorrow goes to your neighbor and friend. I'm absolutely certain that when her little one took their last breath here and their first breath there, God smoothed away every hurt & sorrow with one embrace. God bless their little family. And yours.
With love,
L.T.

BaronessBlack said...

Sending our prayers.
So very sorry.
There's nothing quite as awful as the sudden death of a child.

JamericanSpice said...

I'm sorry to hear of such terrible news for a family. I will lift up my prayers too for this family and for your praying heart.

Rach@In His Hands said...

Oh, Heather, my heart is just breaking for this family. How devastating. Yes, I will definitely be praying!

Debbie said...

I just can't imagine that family's pain. I will pray for them. And for each of you that are burdened by this loss as well.

Pink Ink said...

Our neighbors down the street just lost their 17 year old daughter in a head-on collision.

The mom said, Hold your little ones.

Sage advice.

I'm sorry about your neighbor's baby.

Deb said...

ugh, life is so precious, yet so messy and weird. i am so sorry for the loss of your neighbor's little one. they will all be in my prayers.

MidnightCafe said...

Jesus, Jesus, your are the author and creator of all life, and we know that the life of this baby girl was a gift only You could give. And only You know what is needed now when words fail us. You see the aching, wounded hearts. Please, Jesus, be present in this family as they ache and grieve. Hold them close.

And, Heather, if you know of anything your neighbors need right now, let me know. If it would help to bring food or send cards or anything...

Sabrina said...

Im so sad for your friend and the loss of her baby. I will be praying for her and her family.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Oh my :( I will pray. I'm so sorry to hear this. Dangit, I don't think I'll ever understand why... :(

Jen said...

Oh that is just terrible. I just can't imagine. I certainly will pray.

Abra said...

How heart wrenching! Prayers are being sent their way.

Kazzy said...

So sorry about your neighbors' loss. I can't imagine anything worse that that. You are a good friend.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Poor Heather! It seems like you are getting rocked by tragedy a lot lately. You are so charitable in your love and empathy and it must be so hard for you! I am sure your friends are SO grateful for you!

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Tuesday really should be removed from your week entirely. I was so, so sorry to read your news and can't image what it must be like to lose a child. My heart breaks for you. I will be keeping you and those you care about in my thoughts today.

-Francesca

PS: Saw your e-mail about BlogHer. Would absolutely love to realize my dream of meeting you in person, but I understand that the conference is sold out. Another time, though. In the midst of these dark hours, I will envision you and I with fruity drinks, our toes in the sand, laughing,

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Praying so much for your friend. A part of my heart resonates so much with what she is going through...

I have been quite out of sorts myself. I don't know if you read the blog that McMama writes "My Charming Kids" but they are dealing with a very serious situation with their 5 month old son Stellan and I feel so burdened for them. Can't shake the heaviness...

Angie said...

You're right today, this just sucks. The groaning of creation is not a pretty sound.

Face down for your friend... and for baby Stellan... and so many others.

CC said...

Hugs and prayers for all invovled. So sad. :( :(

Mrs.Naz@BecomingMe said...

I am so so very sorry. This just breaks my heart and is one of those unfathomable things. Sometimes I even feel angry and want to shout, "Why can't babies be off limits?" But I know that my mind and heart are nothing compared to God...yet still, as you said even though there is joy eternal some things just hurt. I will be praying.

Eowyn said...

Prayers for you and your neighbors. Heartbreaking beyond anything I can imagine.

Jessica Kate said...

Sweet Heather. I came here today for the first time. I have not had time to read others blogs this crazy last year of mine, but you are always so kind and so right when you comment that I knew I needed to check you out. :)
I'm sorry I came on such a sad note, but I'm hopeful I can offer your friend Kirsten a knowing hand to hold. The loss of a child is too much for any heart, but the loss of a twin just complicates things. Please pass my email along if you think she'd find it helpful at some point. I'm praying for peace.
xo
Jessica Kate
Tuesday's mom

kel said...

OH my gosh... that is heartbreaking..

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