6/26/09

On wanting and birthdays

Friday~June 26, 2009



He turns 14 4 this weekend.

Although it appears that he was pulling some sort of GQ pose, the real story is that my dear Miles was in superhero mode. As you can see, an intense stare is required for that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Really, how is it that time can move so slowly and so quickly all at once? And how is it that a mother can handle all of her opposite clashing feelings? I'm so over-joyed and thankful to have this boy in my life, and at the same time I want to weep with sadness over the passing of time. I want to hold him right now and keep him this way, but I'm also dying of anticipation, loving to watch every moment that comes next. It's exhausting really.

By the way, I want another Miles. Yes, I'll take two any day. Or Asher, another Asher would rock. Or maybe an Elsie or Kate, a little girl would be a new adventure. But I'm not pregnant. So I'm relieved because I don't really want to be sick all summer, it's a busy time of year, you know? But I'm also totally disappointed and maybe even a tad depressed because I'm not pregnant. See? Exhausting.

For now, there will be cake in the park, friends and family, and a totally excited little boy to celebrate. I'll eat lots of frosting and gobble up every moment too. I can want for more another day. Right now I have all that I need.

Happy Birthday, sweet Miles.
And Happy weekend to all of you.

43 clicked right here to comment:

Kimberly said...

It's such a bittersweet time, the trying. Yearning, but finding reasons for gladness because it isn't yet time. There is time yet to enjoy the ones you have without the sickness and added exhaustion. And yet the sadness creeps in. Such a confusing mix.

Yay for a lovely distraction in the form of a birthday. Mmm...suddenly I'm craving cake...

Heather of the EO said...

Kimberly,
And we're not even actually trying...and even so, I get sad that I'm not pregnant. I make no sense, clearly. :)

Mylestones said...

Did you read Ann Voskamp's recent post--she referred to this "exhaustion" as the combination of "crazy grief/wild joy".
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/06/heart-beats-past-goes-nowhere.html

That's what I thought of when I read this. We are so there with you on this, Heather. It is bittersweet...the joy in seeing them grow is like deafening applause...the nostalgia in losing them to growth is a nagging tug, a constant whispering.

Aww shucks, you got me all choked up and it's not even my kid turning 4. Love to sweet Miles on this special day. And love to his wonderful, exhausted Mama.

Heather of the EO said...

Mylestones!

NO! I didn't read it, but I'm off to do that now. I think about it all the time, and I love her description "crazy grief/wild joy"

I tell new moms all the time that lack of sleep is not the most exhausting part of motherhood. It's the clashing opposite emotions that really wears a lady out...and it's ALL so GOOD.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Happy happy Birthday Miles! Play hard and sleep hard (for mommy). :)

Dave said...

I just figured he was doing Blue Steele.

Because we all know that Magnum isn't ready yet.

We signed our little man up for pre-school on Wed. :')

THAT day is gonna be tough.

susannah said...

one of my oldest friends called yesterday to say she was pregnant with number two, and i was so happy for her, and suddenly thought, "i am so sad i am not pregnant right now! i want another wonderful adventure." um, but we had already decided this past year has been so intense that it wasn't time yet to even try again. and yet i am sad. and my little baby is becoming a big girl so fast.

sigh.

so many emotions.

i love your blog.

Tooj said...

THAT, my friend, is a beautiful pose. Keep it around for dear life. He'll love it when he's a bit older. I wish him a happy, happy birthday and a happy birth day to you. Moms deserve to be told this as well....so have fun!! And the baby will come when everyone is ready for it. I hope you don't mind I call babies "it"...I called my bambinos "it" until I saw their face. And I loved them no less than the people who called their babies "baby", I just liked "it". LOL

jen@odbt said...

Happy Birthday to your little guy! I just went through this when my youngest turned 4 at the beginning of the month. I had the hardest time with this birthday - I cried, I was so sad. I think it's because he's my baby and there's no going back. Enjoy the weekend!

mama-face said...

You hit the nail on the head. I want to put my hand on my 8 year old's head to make him stop growing. That would be silly though.

Being a parent has a way of giving you the best and worst of times. All worth it.

I've said it before and I will say it again; you are a marvelous mom.

MommyJ said...

It IS exhausting! I was just thinking this very thing this morning.

Every month... it's disappointing to not be pregnant, and then relieved to not be pregnant all at the same time.

I already have four. And four is a good number. But another baby would be awesome. Except then I'd have to get a new car. Cause really... where do you put a FIFTH baby? And I would be so sick. Oh, so very sick... but then I would have the baby at the end!

Yes... exhausting indeed!!

minnesotamom said...

Miles, happy birthday! Though I have only met you in person once, I always love the descriptions your mommy posts about you and the darling things you say. Keep being the sweet boy you are, even as you grow!

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

He is so stinkin' cute!! :)

I LOVE age four. Really really. Three was tough for us - four is amazing and so full of learning, growing, and more cuteness than you can imagine. :)

Ron said...

They grow so quickly .. we just got back from Cloe's BD party .. she turned 2 today .. just seems we were putting her in the truck to bring her home from the hospital yesterday .. happy birthday to the Miles

Jen said...

Happy Birthday to your sweet boy! I hope that you have an awesome celebration. We are celebrating birthdays this weekend too.

Melanie J said...

I so completely relate. Every time I notice how fast Baby G is growing, I immediately want antoher one. Then my husband says, "Maybe we should just get a puppy" to pacify me. Then when I call him from the puppy store he says, "You should get yourself some new shoes" to distract me because the Nine West store is next door. So I do. I have a lot of shoes.

blueviolet said...

Your little superhero/model/4 year old birthday boy is adorable!

Manic Mother said...

I still want another baby...crazy I know. I am going to be in MN in August if you want a meeting of the minds!

Lara said...

Awww. Happy Birthday Miles!

I kind of hate my kids' birthdays, because it just means I will never have my 2 year old Sophie or my 7 year old Bria or my 5 year old Chloe EVER AGAIN. And that's sad.

I just try to remember how delightful every year seems to be.

Muthering Heights and Other Senseless Sensibility said...

Happy birthday to him!

C said...

Happy Birthday DUDER!! :) Love, zp & e!

p.s. Elsie is still the name of a cow . . .
;)~

Kelly @ Love Well said...

Happy birthday, Miles!

And yes, I know EXACTLY what you mean. It's plum tuckering, isn't it?

Kazzy said...

The "to be or not to be" (pregnant) part of my life might be over, but I remember all of the emotions that went along with it like it was yesterday.

Happy Birthday to your guy!

Fly Girl said...

I'm with you on this one.... I marvel each day at the young lady my daughter is becoming, yet I want to hold on to the little girl she always has been to me. The bittersweet joy of motherhood....

Roban

L.T. Elliot said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MILES!!!

I frickin' love his super-hero intensity. Of course heroes have to be intense. They're saving the world after all.

The truly beautiful thing is that he saves your world every day and doesn't even know it. Yes, he's growing up and that's incredibly bittersweet but I know that you'll both be coming each other's rescue for a long time yet. =]

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

This entire week has been one of those emotionally exhausting ones for me - I am half-weepy, half-joyful mess as I watch my little one grow up.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Boy.

Kristen@nosmallthing said...

I know exactly what you mean. I have those emotions (the conflicting ones) every day.

You should get pregnant around October. Then when the sickness hits, it'll be nice and cozy inside, and all you'll want to do is sleep under a fluffy warm blanket. :) And yes, little Elsies and Kates are just as much fun as the boys are, but in totally different ways.

a Tonggu Momma said...

And yet... every additional year is another year to get to know them. It's another year to learn more about them... another year for them to learn more about you... and it's another year of shared experiences. Hugs, Heather! And happy birthday to Miles.

Angie said...

You have me in tears yet again. Yes, yes, YES! B and I say it's like holding onto drops.

Have a fabulous birthday weekend celebrating all the wonderful time God has given you with Miles. That picture is awesome!

Eowyn said...

It's parenthood, isn't it? The contradictory feelings. The wanting it all to slow down and speed up at the same time.

My mom told me I'd be tired for the rest of my life. Not sure how I feel about that. . .

Christy M. said...

Happy Birthday, Miles!!

Heather, I completely understand your sentiments. It's so hard to see our boys grow up. Four is great, though, and you know what? Five is EVEN BETTER. It is so fun to watch them grown and learn and experience new things.

Hope the birthday party is fabulous!!

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Oh, happy birthday to you, you adorable boy! How I wish we lived closer, so I could bake him something celebratory and sweet to light on fire while singing and turn around to eat for breakfast the next day (a family tradition here is to eat birthday cake for breakfast the morning after)

Carrie said...

Oh, I'm so sorry you're not pregnant. :( It would be so fun to be pregnant together! :) I COMPLETELY understand your feelings - trying & waiting on God's timing is SO hard - we've had to try for several months both times. Recently a friend (whose son was a honeymoon surprise) was saying how she was looking forward to the 'trying' and I said, 'No. It is not fun. And anyone who says it is has obviously never tried for very long. I hate it. It is so disappointing EVERY MONTH.' Anyway, hope God will bless you again soon!!!

Carrie said...

And, yeah, this last time was easier b/c I comforted myself with the fact, 'one more month with my Z as my only'...and now I only have six more months with him as my 'only'! :)

MommyTime said...

I have the exact same response every month: we're not trying, and yet I'm sad when there's not an "accident". It makes no sense whatsoever, in any kind of logical way. But emotionally, I totally get it. Sending hugs.

Midwest Mommy said...

I so understand and feel this post. It is so hard!
Happy Birthday Miles.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Happy birthday sweet boy!

Amanda said...

Happy Birthday Miles!

Heather, I can not BELIEVE how much we have in common! Two boys, my eldest turns 4 on Monday (29th)! The youngest is 18 months, so I think he's a TAD bit younger than Asher, right??

AND OF COURSE - The Noggin. As you probably know, we are still watching Chase for hydro b/c he was born (full term) with a grade 3 brain bleed and seizures. He has not been shunted, and things are looking like we won't have to, but I am always super sensitive to your Asher Noggin posts b/c it is so comforting - he is JUST SO NORMAL. I know, that kind of sounds "bad", but it is the honest to God truth. My fears of having a shunt are lessened by seeing how amazing little Asher is, knowing he has the shunt.

Oh, and the wanting the baby thing... you know how I feel about that! I was just asking Michael yesterday "So... how about we get pregnant in Septemeber?" (get to skip all those hot months AND get all those yummy holidays to PIG OUT and blame the pregnancy!).

Hahahaha... you on board? (J/k) (Kinda)

Lots of Love,
Amanda

wendy said...

Yes, it is so hard to see the kids grow up ---too fast ---too soon. Enjoy this time. Maybe you can put him in the modeling business and he can make your rich --total GQ in that photo. there is always another day----------always

jubilee said...

My youngest is about to end his fourth year and embark on year five. His being four is one of life's most entertaining and frustrating times of our lives. But mostly entertaining.

I love the superhero pose. It's a keeper for sure. What a neat little boy his is!

radioactive girl said...

Heather of the EO-be careful! With my first kids, I had to take clomid to get pregnant. I had just started trying to convince my husband that a 4th kid would be awesome when I found out I WAS ALREADY pregnant with no drugs to help. It was a miracle, clearly and both of us couldn't be happier. He was my "surprise baby" and he truly was/is a gift.

radioactive girl said...

Ha! I am cracking up that I wrote your name first in the comment...I just finished responding to people on my blog so I guess I was in that mode.

Happy birthday to your adorable handsome little man!

charrette said...

Move over, Kiefer Sutherland! Heather's got your replacement already lined up...

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